BPDFamily.com

There was iMessage on my phone this morning that was blunt and to the point. The message was from my exuBPDw. My ex SD22 left the Province a few days ago and if I have any information to let her know. My mom lives in the city that the flight was going to.

SD22 has been estranged from me for several years. She left with her 1 1/2 year old daughter. From the information that exuBPDw says and the kids say ( I don’t ask the oldest will drop things from time to time ) is that she was some sort of trouble with child services.  ExuBPDw is incapable of providing a stable r/s for SD22 and the oldest said that SD22 did something bad a couple of weeks ago. No specifics and I didn’t ask.

I felt anger this morning when I saw the text. A part of me didn’t want to know. After a few hours I starting realizing that exuBPDw wants to help her grand daughter. I felt frustrated because I wasn’t able to help her over the last several years. She was not my child and she didn’t want help.

I’m not going to beat myself up over it but I feel sad for her and her baby because of the circumstances. I was able to get 50/50 custody and at least be there for my kids but wasn’t so lucky and all I wanted did her was a break in life.

Maybe things will improve for her later on. I cannot think worst case scenario. As previously stated she was estranged and a couple of months ago she messaged me on FB wanting to get together with her siblings. I saw the message and didn’t reply. Roughly three weeks ago she sent me another message and I said sure. I thought about it and sent another h message asking her what her plans were for Easter. I wanted to make the offer and she never replied back.

Today I realize that she had planned on leaving and she wanted to say good bye. I felt bad but at the same time I cannot tell what is going to happen in the future. On the other side of that she’s very intermittent with my kids and maybe it was for the better that they didn’t have a chance to say good bye - that way it may be easier for them and for me.

The only thing that I can do is to pray for her and her daughter.

Hi Mutt  :hug:

Receiving a 'panic' text message is triggering at the best of times, I hope you are ok?  It is sad SD22 is running away and she's been estranged for some years.

Perhaps she'll get in touch if need be?

WDx

I feel better tonight. You are right. I talked to my mom and she said that if she does hear from SD22 shell let me know - as a mother she can understand. She said it’s ok to ease her anxiety about this and I relayed the message to the ex.

It makes more sense that after the ex responded and when I got the kids to night. It’s early switch on / switch off day because it’s spring break.

SD22’s dad lives close to my mom’s and they believe that she went there. The issue is that she doesn’t have full custody of the child, there’s the matter of her ex by and it sounds like custody of the child is going to go to my exuBPDw’s sister.

Having more information now helps. The exuBPDw was giving a really hard time for a week not very long ago and it’s hard to feel a sense of sympathy when she’s dysregulated and looking for someone to soothe her.

I forget about these rapid mood swings, I do not miss them and they feel intrusive. It’s the nature of the disorder but I am grateful that I’ve learned the lessons from the forum because it’s a lot better than not knowing what I’m dealing with and reacting to her intuitively.

Mutt, I'm glad you were able to make sense of what was happening having spoken with your Mum and your ex. That's a difficult and stressful situation your ex and her sister are managing with SD22 so I can imagine as you say your ex giving you a hard time recently.

Me too  :) I'm fortunate my DD's made her way to recovery these last six years. Hope you and the kids are coping ok through Covid.