|
Title: Feeling Defeated Post by: Gemini71 on April 04, 2021, 05:05:08 PM I have been in a relationship for 3.5 yrs with someone with BPD. It has been both the best and the worst relationship of my life. He either hates me or loves me intensely with no in between.
I have to get out of this relationship. I am so codependent of him and have no one to talk to. No one understands. They think it’s easy to just end it. I need words of advice. I need encouragement. I need to get some self esteem back. Title: Re: Feeling Defeated Post by: csquare319 on April 04, 2021, 06:09:44 PM I need words of advice. I need encouragement. I need to get some self esteem back. Gemini71, recognizing that he is THE SOURCE of your tattered self-esteem might be a good start. Title: Re: Feeling Defeated Post by: Rev on April 04, 2021, 09:38:31 PM I have been in a relationship for 3.5 yrs with someone with BPD. It has been both the best and the worst relationship of my life. He either hates me or loves me intensely with no in between. I have to get out of this relationship. I am so codependent of him and have no one to talk to. No one understands. They think it’s easy to just end it. I need words of advice. I need encouragement. I need to get some self esteem back. Hi there, and welcome to our community. Can you say a little bit more about the kind of advice you are looking for? One thing I'd say is that self-esteem isn't a thing in of itself so much as a result of good boundaries and a self-identity that is "you" apart from anyone else. No - these relationships are seldom if ever easy to end. You use the word "co-dependent" - are you in therapy, or is that just a way of describing how you are enmeshed with him? Talk your way through this will be one way to unhook. It sounds like you are feeling a little isolated and a little backed into a corner. Reach out again. Hang in there. Rev Title: Re: Feeling Defeated Post by: HopelessBroken on April 04, 2021, 10:05:24 PM Welcome Gemini!
I too was in a BPD relationship for 3.5 years. The last time he hated me I took the step to leave and not look back. You CAN get off the rollercoaster when you are ready. I myself was completely addicted to him and very codependent. In addition to what Rev asked, tell us the reasons why you want to leave? For me, writing it out helped. We are here. We get it. :) Title: Re: Feeling Defeated Post by: B53 on April 04, 2021, 10:06:45 PM Welcome, you are definitely in the right place!
Title: Re: Feeling Defeated Post by: Cnvi on April 06, 2021, 04:54:11 PM Welcome Gemini, you're definitely in the right place.
It's no easy task to detach but you can find some amazing people here, and I would also suggest Codependents Anonymous as another avenue. https://coda.org/ There are some great books on codependency out there, Melody Beattie has written quite a few that you could check out. Stay strong! |