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Title: BPD ex broke up with me for the umpteeth time Post by: bakedpotato on April 07, 2021, 08:34:05 AM hi, BPD family,
i have a very similar story as the rest of you who've posted. bf is undiagnosed, refuses therapy, broke up with me after 2-3 months for 4 years. longest we've been together: 1 year. lived with him but still had my own place (thankfully). he's had major mood swings from sweet and funny to outlandish (reactions disproportionate to the situation), thinks everything is always my fault, how he views me has steadily declined due to outrageously high expectations of me and the relationship - thinks no arguing should occur and "everyone else has a perfect relationship i dont understand why we dont/why you always have to argue with me," etc etc. two weeks ago, he "said" he understood what was going on and it's "him" - he's "poison" for me and unhappy internally. he has addictions - alcohol and green - and uses it to numb his feelings, he says he's not a vulnerable person and can't be, how he needs help and finally wants to get it, etc. He still wants to end things even though he knows i'd be there for him throughout the healing process and help him and us be in a closer relationship together. he says he "doesnt want me to wait for him" but knows that this is best for him. he's ALWAYS been a solitary person, hasnt dated anyone but me in the past 4 years and even a full year before that, he's terrified of relationships, doesnt think he will find anyone who loves him like i do or he feels as strongly for. i typically wouldnt believe any of this and see it as an excuse to break up and ease the paid for me, but this has happened before and i truly believe it's an escape tactic that seems to be a trend and most likely will come back. i really dont know what to do at this point. i need educated opinions on what to do, what to think, how to handle this, etc... he agreed to call me later. i dont want to have an emotionally charged conversation, but i do need answers. any advice for me not for the convo, just generally? thank you so much, t Title: Re: BPD ex broke up with me for the umpteeth time Post by: once removed on April 07, 2021, 03:35:22 PM the most important thing right now is not to chase and give plenty of space.
people with bpd traits generally have a high degree of self loathing. sometimes that loathing is projected on us. sometimes that creates even greater self loathing. arguing, or pushing, will likely push him further away right now (thats not to say you shouldnt be clear that you dont want to break up and do want to be together). how many times has this happened? Title: Re: BPD ex broke up with me for the umpteeth time Post by: Mr. Kelly on April 09, 2021, 05:00:14 AM When you say “give space“… Would you be willing to elaborate?
If it’s only been a couple of days since I’ve heard from my estranged BPD partner… How long might I wait before I reach out, in some capacity? |