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We have been dealing with severe mental health issues with our 18 year old daughter for years. She is graduating from high school with an AA this weekend and got into an amazing college.  Now she is saying she will not go to that college and instead of being happy her graduation weekend, she is trying to get an apartment (for a month) and acquire kittens online. She keeps purchasing pets online. She brings them home and then doesn’t take care of them. We have 5 cats, 6 dogs, fish, and a desert tortoise. I take care of them, but her. When we intervened about the kittens she said we treat her like a 5 year old and didn’t come home for a night. Her grandparents are coming to visit for her graduation today and she is a mess.

This is so difficult, I know. If she believed that additional animals would go immediately to a shelter, would she stop bringing them into your home? How can she afford an apartment? Please let us know how graduation goes, with her grandparents.

The last kitten went to the shelter. It is just when we do anything she responds in a very extreme way. Hurting herself, doing drugs, or having unsafe sexual behavior, or staying unsafe places.  She has a job and recently discovered credit cards which she is rapidly maxing out!  She can’t really afford an apartment, but she can pay a deposit which is all they want.  Thank you for replying. It just helps to talk to someone.

I am sorry you are going through this...it is very difficult to watch your child make these choices.  Our situation is similar with the impulsive behavior. Our daughter was able to graduate high school and make it into college last year.  I think "adulting" through her into a tailspin.  She took pills the night before her graduation, was hospitalized and missed the ceremony.  She was able to complete first semester of college but then went to an inpatient program second semester.  She has been there for 4 months and is currently in PHP.  She seems so much worse than she was before.  She inherited a good amount money when her mother died (I am step-mom) which we told her if she spent that on college we would pay for the 2nd half of her degree.  She is now in full impulsive behavior mood going on shopping sprees and eating out to the tune of $1000 a week.  So we are just watching her blow her college account and cannot do anything about it.  We have set up boundaries and our counselor has told us we cannot change her behavior, to protect our own mental health and that she may have to hit rock bottom and face some consequences to her behavior in order to want seek help.  We have encouraged her all along to get help, provided access to DBT counseling and medication. But so far she has told us she "needs a vacation" and "just wants to be a kid" since she does not feel she had enough of a childhood.  So, we understand what you are going through and my best advice is just to keep reminding yourself she is an adult and you can no longer dictate what she does.  You can have boundaries to try to protect yourself some from the chaos.  One book we read really talked about selective support and how it helps protect you and helps the person with BPD to encourage them to get help by not enabling. So we try to look at every decision through the lens of how will it protect us and help encourage her to make better choices.