BPDFamily.com

It’s quite hard to believe, but today is the day I’m drawing a big fat line under all of this. It’s been quite a ride (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=349060.0) . She has since lost her job again, went offline for days and finally posted some videos where she looks quite terrible and I can see she has been using drugs again. Been worried about her all weekend, hoping she would reach out. And then out of the blue she sends me a message to stop stalking her on LinkedIn. I checked my browser history and I didn’t even visit her profile more than 3 times in the past month (all over 2 weeks ago even), but ok.

I tell her: “I’ll remove you”. And she comes back with: “Do that. Accusing me of loving you, you better f**k off”. Not how I wanted my Monday to start, to be honest.

It’s not the first time she tells me to go away, accuses me off things, or feels the need to assure out of the blue that she doesn’t have any feelings for me. The difference is that this time, I’m done. I will f**k off. All the stuff she gifted me and left at my place is now in 2 big boxes that I intend to drop off in her hallway this evening.

It’s hard to get my head around it. We made a lot of progress but in the end it never lasts and always ends with her lashing out at me. It doesn’t even hurt anymore (although being accused of stalking is not fun) but it’s gotten to the point where I can see there is nothing to gain for me, nor for her I think. She needs professional help, and lots of it. She will need to see rock bottom before she can maybe accept that, and losing me is probably also needed for that.

I do feel guilty to do this right when she’s not doing great again, but I can not keep making excuses for her behavior. I won’t be adding a letter or an explanation to the boxes. There is no point in that I think, there is nothing to discuss.

It all feels a bit unreal, it feels like giving up on someone who deserves to be loved but at the same time I know I did everything I can and more. I’ll be ok, I’m sure. It will suck for a few days, weeks maybe but if this whole thing has given me one thing it’s an immense mental strength. It needs to end, and this is the logical conclusion, based on the way she’s been treating me.

slow down, ATM. as hard as it is right now, think this through.

im not saying dont choose to walk away. but be careful about doing so in hurt, in a huff, or to send a message.

if youre walking away, do so in a time of calm (for both of you). it may be harder to do when you when you both reach baseline. but if its what you choose to do, how you did it will matter to you a long time from now.

I had the boxes ready for quite some time now. It's just the one drop too many I think. I am not mad at her, at all. It's just all very clear right now that none of this is going anywhere and that I will end up getting hurt over and over again. I don't intend to block her or whatever, but I can not keep letting her use me as an emotional punching bag.

As for waiting for a time of calm, there hasn't been anything like that between us for at least 6 months now. I do feel bad about having to do this right now, but I can not and will not keep making excuses for her because there is always going to be something going on.

Your advice is good, and I've done it like that multiple times already. I have been more than patient, I have forgiven more than I ever thought possible and I've learned not to let anything she yells at me affect me on a personal level. But even if she wants to be "just friends", this is no way to treat a friend. Or any person, for that matter

Sometimes things need a definitive end. If you were to rate on a percentile scale, how sure are you that you want to close the chapter on this book? 80%? 95%?

This particular book? 110%. I mean I still like the characters but the story lines are out of control and I feel like we've jumped the shark a few times already.

I am a bit worried about my own reaction if (or when?) she reacts, so making hard choices seems like the right thing to do. We tried "a bit more distance" but it's not for us, it's always everything or nothing it seems so for my own benefit this needs to stop.

when i say "time of calm" i dont mean you have to put it off, or wait until things are good.

take a breather for a few days. when she reaches out, tell her its time. make plans to exchange belongings.


why return things she gifted you?

To make a clean break, mostly for myself. I don't want to look at all of it all the time. It's done anyway. I dropped it off and she found a way to yell and curse at me again in text. So be it, I can live with myself