BPDFamily.com

I have just read many posts on your sight with many parents in my situation. my daughter has recently turned 16 and has complex bpd , ptsd and adhd present since infancy diagnosed at age 9. I can relate to so much I’ve read here didn’t know whether to laugh (relief) or cry . From a young age I’ve raised her with very clear boundaries to ride somewhere between social acceptability and the law. Not afraid to have discussions around accountability and at times ignore attention based self harm. My daughters emotional dis regulation has recently resulted in police n ambulance on the daily due to self harm and suicide attempts due to over investing in friends problems, social cues, perception vs reality issues , gaslighting self harm , delusions Psychosis and inconsistent medication use etc . (Unknown to me ). Usually we have a fair relationship I’m understanding that she hasn’t quite realised that she and her disorder aren’t one in the same. To her this behaviour is normal thus unable to recognise the dysfunction in the thought process the reasoning or the consequences. She’s been in therapy and medicated since age 9. So recently after a significant suicide attempt she was placed in an inpatient unit (not unusual) for a lengthy time 6 weeks. No therapy is fascilitated as you prob all know . On the day of discharge she became distraught over her limited ph use i I was implementing when she returned home as it had been a big factor in her instability and safety. so she left the meeting we ( psych, case manger her and I ) were in and head butted their window so hard she shattered the whole thing. Yes she was still discharged. My point is i have no intention of being held to ransom by my child being told no once in a while but what the heck do I do when she continues to up the anti ? When she didn’t get the attention for minor cutting so she did major when that went stale she started posting it on social media. With outlandish stories of how she had sustained injuries. She’s tried getting me in trouble with child protection and police because I wouldn’t let her take off when she wanted turned she turned her locations off on her ph ,took off in middle of night ,told strangers she was homeless because they were and would just decide to try and live the fantasy that existed at the time and when I said trust was earned therefore she would not be allowed to have the freedoms she’d had previously she finds new and more serious ways to ensure attention and to manipulate getting her own way. Harming so serious it requires by law that an ambulance and police attend this went on three random days a week.just reinforcing the attention.  I have 2 older and 2 younger children who are soul destroyed by the behaviours. They say the inpatient unit isn’t a treatment Center then where is there a Center for these young people to get access to inpatient therapies in an inpatient facility teaching them useful techniques self awareness dbt cbt cat therapy neurological linguistics based therapy mindfulness techniques. Things that may have some quicker acting and longer lasting help when our kids need it the most . Step a ( inpatient)to step c home / community) is to bigger step to reintegrate successfully. The families are doing all they can around safety containment and clean up . Most who are just trying to keep their kids alive one day to the next. No triggers no warning to help prevention just kids who go 0-100 in a second. I don’t want to discipline I prefer to educate her but I ask how do we exercise our rights to act in our kids best interests when ‘NO’ is met with dangerous ,sometimes manipulative retaliation. I was told by a psychiatrist that I can only love n provide what she needs but never all that she wants and let her learn how to deal with the difference. Enough would never b enough. Is this the answer ? I wonder some days if her resistance to accept this change in thinking is helping or making things more volatile .does anyone else have similar experiences?

We feel the same. My DD was sectioned and held for 3 months. Whilst in a secure psychiatric hospital she managed to overdose. She also learned new self harm techniques from other patients.

The hospital made the BPD diagnosis.  After three months they discharged her because they said there’s nothing they can do for her. That her condition is chronic and enduring. So suddenly we have a highly suicidal pwBPD to take care of. No training or guidance. Because she’s over 18 we were not even allowed any information regarding her diagnosis or treatment.

She is getting care in the community but she is resistant to progressing and medication.  Her suicide attempts have continued and seem to be escalating.

I managed to get dd to a paediatric psychiatrist when she was 14 or 15. One thing he said stuck in my mind: with bpd it is often the case that the usual behaviour management ways don't work.

And so it was - in my case; sneaking out at night, making an arrangement for me to pick her up at a certain time (and of course not there even when I wait for ages)

When the rules are just stepped over, it is very, very difficult to know what to do. DD was on the streets, in a shelter - she really could not be at home with her thoughts. This was all before mobile phones etc.

The experience of abandonment just drove dd and the years of turmoil rolled on.
I was very anxious about her friends as I could see the problems that were arising from her relationship with them. After a while I realised there was no point me trying to control this as it was a complex thing: sometimes we find friends who are also needy because we don't fit in anywhere else.

It is so hard that, at such a young age, we cannot protect them from themselves.

I hope you find a way to help your dd understand that you are trying all you can to support her.

Sending support to you . . . .