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Title: Should I tell him about my assault? Post by: Rose409 on July 31, 2021, 06:12:54 PM I was in Hawaii on business and met up with a high school friend dinner about 6 months ago. He gave me a date rape drug and assaulted me. I was blacked out and remember none of this but he admitted it to a friend last week. I have no evidence so it is too late to do anything. When I got home from that trip my H was convinced I was having an affair because of some texts to my former friend and a restaurant bill. My former friend changed his number and blocked me so I have had no contact.
I really want to tell H mostly to prove there was no affair, but he would be on the first plane and would kill the guy. He's got a hair trigger temper. Keep it to myself, just talk to my counselor...I don't know what to do. I feel like he should know and in a normal relationship I would tell him...but may be better to keep to myself Title: Re: Should I tell him about my assault? Post by: Cat Familiar on August 02, 2021, 10:49:43 AM This would be opening a door that could never be closed again. It would be hard enough for a *normal* partner to process. I’m so sorry this happened to you. :hug: :hug: What does your counselor say?
Title: Re: Should I tell him about my assault? Post by: pursuingJoy on August 02, 2021, 02:26:00 PM Rose409, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Can't imagine how you felt hearing it from your friend.
I read your other post. Considering you're already facing some really challenging behavior from your husband, might be good to take plenty of time to think through the pros and cons. I'm sure your counselor will have some insight. How many people know? Is it likely that it will get back to your husband somehow? Title: Re: Should I tell him about my assault? Post by: Rose409 on August 02, 2021, 03:43:55 PM Thank you. No I don’t think there is a way for him to find out.
I talked to my counselor and she agrees with you. On reflection I think I’d really be telling him for myself, not for him. I wanted to prove there was no affair but I’m going to have to let this one go or he’ll end up in prison for life. I filed an incident report with the Hawaii PD. At least they have his name in the database. At some point I’d like to open a civil lawsuit but my H would most likely hear about that. Title: Re: Should I tell him about my assault? Post by: pursuingJoy on August 03, 2021, 10:58:27 AM Sounds like a solid plan. I'm glad you're documenting the incident.
Title: Re: Should I tell him about my assault? Post by: formflier on August 03, 2021, 07:04:20 PM I filed an incident report with the Hawaii PD. At least they have his name in the database. At some point I’d like to open a civil lawsuit but my H would most likely hear about that. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I also want to commend you for being strong and filing the incident report and for speaking with your counselor about this matter. "For now", I agree with your counselor and others that keeping information close to hand is a wise thing. Be aware that as you consider and process this over the next weeks and months you may think of this incident and what you want "to do" about it in very different ways. This knowledge from a friend is only a week old, that's very fresh and painful information, please pay special attention to your self care. Last (for now): Especially with fresh and hurtful things like this, I recommend breaking down decisions into smaller..more manageable tasks. So...the incident report is filed, perhaps follow up to see if there is any chance of them investigating, perhaps talk with a lawyer in that area to see if there are other avenues to pursue with the police that haven't been considered yet. Civil lawsuit: Maybe the decision isn't to file or not file, but interview several attorneys, then consider the answers you get for a while. Be strong and be kind to yourself. Best, FF |