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Title: Just tired of the verbal beating Post by: Ezgoing55 on August 02, 2021, 02:29:44 PM Hi,
My name is Kyle. I married to a BPD going on 5 years now. Sometimes feel so helpless with all the verbal pounding I receive over ones inability not be able to control their emotions and self-centerness. Almost everything is an extreme. I am a not quit and nothing I can't handle type of a person with no complaining in between. But there are times that I just have had enough. I am physician so get mental illness but others around me do not so much. But how much is enough, I say. Well that is why I am here. To get some encouragement and reassurance. I have a good support system - some which would rather not deal with her b/c how she treats me. But they really don't understand BPD. I put her in position to do counseling but she doesn't go. She dives into hobbies w/o thought on how they effect others. She really lives in her own reality of you are to serve her. I don't think she really cares how she makes others feel as long as she get what she wants... Well like I said - I not a complainer but I need someone to talk to b/c nothing is rational about BPD and no form of communication seems to work all the time. It is like talking to a brick wall -- you just know whatever you say or how you say it -- it is not getting through or if it does, it only last a small amount of time. Thanks Title: Re: Just tired of the verbal beating Post by: once removed on August 02, 2021, 08:27:44 PM it sounds like tough going, friend. im glad you found us.
it sounds like you are bumping up against so many of the frustrations weve all had and know well, when it comes to our loved ones. tell us more. what are you feeling being down about recently? Title: Re: Just tired of the verbal beating Post by: Ezgoing55 on August 03, 2021, 10:36:26 AM I am just tired of the irrational behavior. The inability to handle daily work problems and call me having a breakdown. Just no ability to cope with basic problems without have extremes in emotion. Last nite we talked about trigger points that were making her stressed at work. Turns out her trigger is that she is behind with her work load. She is a hard worker but the load is a lot anyone can see this. Her bosses are not pounding her. Its just how she reacts. She just gets stressed from being behind. I sympathizes with her. Letting her realize no one is expecting miracles just do the best you can for the day and move forward. We talked about how to not let the stress trigger her; however, I believe old habits are hard to break. KK
Title: Re: Just tired of the verbal beating Post by: once removed on August 03, 2021, 08:43:55 PM thats one of the toughest things about BPD, and loving someone with it.
its worse under stress, and stress is poorly coped with. and that, in turn, makes things especially difficult for everyone. loving someone with BPD is a bit of a balance between being their rock, their consistent support, and also setting reasonable limits, and not trying to stand them up, but allowing them to stand themselves up. this is a good start when it comes to better understanding our role as loved ones: https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship what do you think? is that something you could try? Title: Re: Just tired of the verbal beating Post by: Ezgoing55 on August 04, 2021, 01:18:36 PM Yes this is something I do and try. I have actually read this page before my post. I annualized what I was already doing and not doing well. Staying emotionally centered is difficult b/c you have to shrug off the inappropriate behavior that seems directed at you. I am trying to be more empathetic but struggle with the unrealistic dependence on me. Setting boundaries maybe an area that I need to work on especially in how she talks to me (she just keeps repeater herself till she get what she want even if it takes years to get it). I have asked nicely in past to stop doing certain things but that last for awhile then goes back to the same behavior. I have started to realize that I am dealing with someone with the emotional IQ of a 2-5 year old that likely will not change. Basically constantly repeating myself over and over like you would with a child. That is frustrating but I am realizing if I am to survive I will have to press rewind on a lot of things I say and not get frustrated with that I have to say it over and over. I do see an opportunity to get counseling so I can keep my perspective straight and not get overwhelmed but her actions. The reason I did come here was to get help via others and read information that will give me direction.
Last nite she complained that the house was not clean. I said I clean every Wed. in the morning / you watch me. She replied I want to hire someone. I then asked what was not clean in the house and she had no reply. I took the moment and asked are just happiest when you complain b/c that is what you are doing. She had no words and then acted like an adult the rest of the nite. Honestly, I think she was just complaining to get attention and relieve stress brought home from work on me b/c I the easy target. We generally go through this cleaning conversation every two months. It is a bit mind numbing. It is not the cleaning that is the problem - it is a diversion from what the real problem is at that moment and I am the target. Well that is my story from last nite...lol Thx |