BPDFamily.com

My sister lives with my 99 year old dad. We’re live in different states. To talk to my dad, I have to call my sister. For the last couple of months, she hasn’t wanted to talk much. Won’t call me back when I leave messages. I have to just hope she answers the phone. Sometimes when I’m leaving a message, the phone picks up and then clicks and hangs up. I know she’s picking up the phone during my message and hanging up the phone. she pulls stunts like this all the time - unplugs the phone,
 Or keeps it slightly off the receiver so that it’s constantly busy. It’s a landline. The only reason I stay in contact with her is to talk to my dad. He doesn’t answer the phone because it’s hard for him to get up. She’s the gatekeeper. With my dad so old, I want to stay in contact. My husband is very ill and I haven’t been able to visit my dad in two years. My sister is getting worse and worse. My therapist said I need to break the emotional connection to her. she hurts me so bad. Sometimes she acts normal and will have nice conversations with me but then we go through bad periods like this. It makes me very anxious and distressed. Having frank talks with her doesn’t work. She misconstrues everything and gets mad and then I’ll never get through on the phone. I want this to be over so bad but as long as my dad is alive, I have to go through her. I’ve given up hope that we’ll ever have a close, normal relationship. I just want to keep in contact with my dad. It drives me crazy. How do you disconnect and not take it personally? My husband being ill makes me so vulnerable. I could really use my family right now but I realize that’s a pipe dream.

Hi Bly,  :hi:

I'm so sorry about the trouble you're having in not being able to speak to your dad. I know that there are other members here who understand exactly what you are going through. I cannot imagine how much grief there is in that, and the anger that comes to the surface because of a pwBPD traits standing in the way.

I was wondering about letter writing, but perhaps that would be intercepted too? Is there anyone close by him that goes to visit him that you could send a message or letter through? If so, maybe they can take their cell phone and call you when they are there? It would be lovely if your sister occasionally needs to leave the house and a friend comes to keep him company during that time...

 :hug:
Wools