BPDFamily.com

Hello,
Well, I’m worn out. My 26 year old daughter has drug us through the mud this past year. She does not have an official BPD diagnosis but displays all nine characteristics described in the DSM-V. My relationship is up and down with her—mostly down. She does not live with me, is unemployed, lost custody of her baby, and blames me and others for ruining her life.
My heart breaks for her—especially when I read about the excruciating suffering of BPD patients. I recognize that I cannot “fix” her, nor is this my job. So I’m working on myself-trying to learn how to listen, not judge, maintain boundaries, say No with love, and keep my face frozen in a neutral way so as not to incite a rage. I feel lied to, manipulated, blamed, and abused. Hoping for encouragement as I begin this journey to the “new me”.
Dancing Queen

Hello D-Q -
It takes a lot of practice and patience not to react! Good for you for understanding the need for your own level of peace. Sending you a big hug.
T

Hi Dancing Queen. In a few short sentences you describe a long and painful journey. You have done well to get to the point where you are at, and now holding that position and changing direction is a huge challenge.

Things I find helpful are mostly using sort of mantras to ease my anxiety and remind me of the reality of the situation. Some I use are:

The 3 Cs: I didn't cause it; I can't control it; I can't cure it.
Letting go means I can't do it for another.
I am walking beside with my separate life.
And my one when the abuse is flowing is 'Greystone rock, greystone rock'

I used to - and still can - get drawn into the intense emotion of it all.

I hope you can hold the line and continue on the path you have come to.

Just to let you know we understand the pain and exhaustion of it all . . . . .