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Title: Adult child has just broken all contact Post by: Janesays4171 on August 02, 2022, 09:31:41 PM This is my first post so bear with me…
My adult child has just broken off all contact with me. This has been all of a sudden and I am just shocked and heartbroken. Has called me a narcissistic parent. All of their life I have always been there for them, through thick and thin. Always been the shoulder to cry on…always been the one they called when they had put themselves in a very bad situation and has to rescue them…always been the one that accepted them as they are and not who they should be…always there to protect them from anything. What should my next steps be? I know I will not be petty. No matter how hurt I am I will not snub them when they come back into my life. Title: Re: Adult child has just broken all contact Post by: kells76 on August 04, 2022, 09:32:49 AM Hi Janesays4171, welcome to the group.
The "out of the blue" severing of the relationship does sound shocking, especially after all the years you've tried to be so supportive. I'm so sorry this is what has brought you here, though this is definitely a group that understands what you're going through. Excerpt What should my next steps be? Great question, so a few questions from me first, to get a better feel for your situation: how old is your adult child, and is your child living at home? do you have any other children, and are any of them in contact with the cwBPD (child with BPD)? are you married, and if so how is your relationship with your spouse? was your child able to hold down a job, be relatively self sustaining/have success in other areas of life, or was there more struggle with day to day stuff? ... Excerpt I know I will not be petty. No matter how hurt I am I will not snub them when they come back into my life. Janesays4171, that's such an important mindset to have. Adult children wBPD are on their own journeys, and often use low-skill and hurtful ways to communicate that they need more space. You are absolutely right to work on not taking it personally and to be available and not in "payback mode" if/when your child is ready to come back. In that vein, it'll be really important to take good care of yourself in this season where your child isn't in your life as much. The healthier and more stable you can become, the better when you have more contact with your child again. I'm curious about whether you're seeing a counselor/therapist for yourself at all? Any hobbies/interests that are positive and relaxing for you? When there's a person in our lives with BPD, we need much more support and self care than usual, so I hope you have some opportunities there. Let us know how you're doing these days; kells76 |