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Hi all, I’ve posted before but I just wanted to see whether anyone had any coping strategies that they have used to successfully manage the stress that ensues.

I won’t go into details but it’s enough to say that I’m going through a really bad patch with my daughter, it’s affecting all of the family and I’m starting to seriously worry about my ability to get through this again

I’m going to be starting a new job soon, and I’m very concerned that I won’t cope with everything that entails.

I’m most relaxed when I’m away from home at my partners, but I’ve been having such bad migraines that the drive out there isn’t feasible at the moment- I suspect these are stress related but it’s not helping that I’m not able to get a break-I currently work from home and arguments break out on a daily basis, at lunchtime, during breaks, basically any time I’m not actively engaged with work

Does anyone have anything that works for them?

Hi Cair_Paravel
It sounds really awful for you at the moment, and the headaches are possibly due to the tension you are constantly under.

That being said, I think it is always wise to have headaches checked out - unless you have had similar symptoms that have been checked out and diagnosed previously.

You work from home and your dd is at home, so when you appear, she unloads on you. Does dd study/work/go out at all?

I wonder if there is any way you can get to your partner's other than driving - or are you just too ill to even go in a car? Can your partner come to see you in any way at all?
I am trying to think of ways that might help you in your situation. To be honest, I go through times when I feel like I am coping - just - and other times when I just want to run away. At the moment I am going through the latter!

I have found 'greystone rock' really helps when the abuse is flying in my direction. I let it all go past me - and since I started this, the intensity of those times has reduced - I just don't respond, put my mind somewhere else etc ie I don't engage.

There is still the feeling though that this will never end. And I feel tired and don't really want to keep going with it all.

At times like this I tend to focus my mind on one thing. I have been in a state of house renovations for years - the slow pace mainly due to not being able to know when it will be too chaotic to have tradespeople in the house - but when I feel like this I try to focus on say getting the kitchen wall painted - it is some small aim to try to draw my focus back to my own life, rather than all the chaos that surrounds it.

As I mentioned I am a bit short on suggestions other than what I have mentioned above. Perhaps get the headaches checked out? It sounds like your 'time out' time is when you are able to get to your partners, so try to 'fix' anything that prevents you having that precious time that you are so entitled to.

Hello Sancho, Thankyou for your kind response

I like your suggestion about the grey rock technique, it’s something I know works but I often forget it in times of stress! When my daughter argues with me, I get a few abusive messages, I’ve noticed that if I ignore these, I tend to get an apology afterwards. I have now committed myself to not even reading these abusive messages, there doesn’t seem to be much point when they’re taken back soon after!

It seems so counterintuitive that a person can make the same mistakes over and over, but that’s where we are I guess.

I found it really interesting you mention home improvements- that is something that has gone on hold for me the last few years, as like you say there is never good time. I’m going to work out a few small jobs that are manageable and try to focus on those-thanks!
I have been to a GP for migraines, GP agrees they are stress related and has offered me antidepressants in the past, something I’m not totally against, just seems unfair that everyone around the pwBPD needs medicated when the person themselves refuses any help