Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD => Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD => Topic started by: Gailstone on November 20, 2022, 06:04:52 PM

Title: Adult Daughter with BPD is suicidal again
Post by: Gailstone on November 20, 2022, 06:04:52 PM
Hi, I have an adult daughter who has done a lot of therapy and been doing reasonably well, until recently. The threat of a change in her life has sent her spiraling, and she has threatened suicide for several days if this threat comes true. She stated today she is getting things in order to kill herself. I am a psychotherapist and done a lot of my own therapy, but I’m at my wits end and exhausted. She has small children, who are safe with their father.
Thank you for any insight

Title: Re: Adult Daughter with BPD is suicidal again
Post by: Sancho on November 22, 2022, 08:22:48 PM
Hi Gailstone
When our children are doing reasonably well I think we hold our breath hoping that nothing will happen that can upset the equilibrium.

But life often throws up something beyond our control.

Have you notified anyone of the threats? We often walk a tightrope in this regard too - we want to get help, but sometimes the condition of telling us about the plan is that 'if you tell anyone I will never speak to you again'.

If it were me I suppose I would go through a checklist of possibilities, think about each one and see what options were possible eg
contact her GP?
contact her therapist?
is there a third party that could become involved?

Is she on any medication at the moment? If not would she be open to trying something to help her over this change?

I am sorry I am not much help. My dd threatened suicide quite frequently for a period of time. Unlike others here, she didn't attempt ever. There is a huge difference when someone has a history of attempting I think.

In my case I came to see the threats as a way of releasing the huge intensity of feeling that she was going through at that time. In some ways the threat was the way of releasing - of her feeling, just for a while, that there was some way out of the intense pain. When she held that feeling for a while ie that there was a way out, the intensity of the pain seemed to dissipate.

For others I think the intensity does lead to attempt, and that is of great concern.

For me the idea of a checklist is to focus my mind on what is possible for me to do. If some way of helping seems clear, then I try that.

The bottom line though is that we can do all that we can do - and still lose our loved one. I think this realisation was another important step for  me - I had to let go of the sense of responsibility I had to 'fix it'. I could do all I could do, but all that didn't ensure that things would work out as I wanted them to.

I'll be thinking of you over these next coming days/weeks and hoping you and your dd can find a way forward in life and life will become more settled once again.

Thank you for posting.