BPDFamily.com

Hi. I just joined so here is my story. I am trying to find professional therapy for my 22 yr old daughter who most recently almost died by suicide. She has not acknowledge her BPD illness and led a very chaotic lifestyle: lots of jobs in clubs/bars, alcohol, drugs and fast friends. Her anger, outbursts, emotional distress and multiple suicide attempts has traumatized our entire family since she was 13. She left home a few years back to work in another city. Truthfully it was a relief for us, to reconnect as a family and get professional therapy. A few months back she confessed to cocaine addiction in which she spent all of her savings - we pleaded with her to come home but she refused. Her life spun out of control with her last suicide attempt thwarted by intervention of a good friend who advised us she was in the ER. Unfortunately this hospital had no capacity for mental health services and Centre for Mental Health and Addictions (CAMH) in Toronto was unable to help due to lack of resources. They have a BPD program but their years long waiting list is closed, this was most disheartening. I immediately brought her home so we can help her recover, heal and get treatment. I’ve contacted multiple agencies, therapists and groups to no avail. All are either at capacity, can’t take new patients, don’t have DBT treatment or their waiting lists are months long.  I’m desperate to find treatment locally but believe that when I am honest, confirm her diagnosis and that she is suicidal - it’s like we’re lepers. Do therapists find treating BPD patients so challenging that few actually take on these cases?  I am reading all I can and just joined this group to glean advice, learn coping skills and heal ourselves. Looking for help.

What you are going through is really tough and heartbreaking.

Get your names on those waiting lists, also indicate if any of them have an opening, you would be willing to fill it immediately as there are often patients who drop out for a variety of reasons.  This is a long term issue, and getting there late is better than never.

Also, consider going south of the border [no  pun intended] and seek help in the USA which will be costly but could be worth it.

Since you mentioned cocaine, CODA.org is another good resource, both sides of the border for AA type meetings with a 12 step program, go with her to these meetings.

BPD is difficult to diagnose, and difficult to treat.  Also your daughter will need to have the desire to fix herself and this is mostly succussful; however, if she doesn't ... well, rinse and repeat will probably occur. 

Be supportive; however, don't be judgemental.  Be truthful, don't enable.  Be firm and loving with healthy boundaries, don't let them break boundaries without consequences.  There are several self help books out there on the topic.  Learn all you can about BPD, how the borderline mind thinks, and adjust your behavior to become their favorite person that way you can stay in their life, and hopefully avert the more serious issues related to being borderline.

No doubt this is a trying time for you, and I highly recommend you get support for yourself, perhaps from Nar-Anon. https://www.nar-anon.org/other-sites

You could suggest Narcotics Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous to your daughter, but if she hasn’t sufficiently hit bottom she may not be ready to attend. SMART recovery is another very good option.

You might also want to look into Mentalization-based treatment or Schema therapy if you haven’t already, and Seeking Safety therapy groups.