Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: SadArtith-Medic on December 06, 2022, 08:49:35 PM

Title: My girlfriend and I
Post by: SadArtith-Medic on December 06, 2022, 08:49:35 PM
Dear Whoever is reading this,
      My girlfriend and I have been together for just a few weeks shy of two years. We just had a heated fight over something that wasn't that important. We had differing opinions on something and I rolled my eyes. That turned her fury up and she ended our call and blocked me. I was nasty and mean and I disrespected her opinion. I feel think I really hurt her. She's blocked me once before but this seems different. I feel like I'm going to lose her because I'm stupid and I can't control myself in an argument. I just. I don't even know if it was her BPD or if she was just sick of me. I understand why she is. I feel like I make her feel bad or like she's a bad person. She has a hard time understanding her feelings so when she's angry or hurting or upset, it comes out as rage. I love her so much. I don't know how long she will give me the silent treatment. It could be a few days. I just, I just want her to feel okay. I want her to know that she's not a bad person. I took her for granted and I hurt her with my actions and immaturity. Have any of you ever done that? Did they ever come back to you? Thank you for reading

Title: Re: My girlfriend and I
Post by: kells76 on December 08, 2022, 11:25:43 AM
Hello SadArtith-Medic, welcome to the group. Glad you reached out for support and understanding at this time.

It's good you're able to see some areas where your actions may have contributed to her feeling hurt. While "broadly normal" people can typically discuss feeling hurt at eyerolling etc, and then move on, highly sensitive, emotionally volatile people, such as pwBPD, may hang onto that incident and/or experience extreme distress. That's not to excuse her behaviors, more to offer an explanation that pwBPD can be extremely sensitive and reactive to things that generally normal people can process and move past.

It makes sense to give both of you some space and time to cool off. It wouldn't surprise me if she were open to reconnecting -- what did that look like last time she blocked you, how long did she seem to need after that?

One more brief question to understand your situation more; you mention:

I don't even know if it was her BPD or if she was just sick of me...

does she have an official diagnosis of BPD, or more traits/behaviors but no diagnosis? What led you to suspecting BPD at play?

Let us know how the last few days have been for you;