BPDFamily.com

I'm venting but I'm really falling apart this week and could use a friend  :hug:

- I'm in massive debt because of the divorce from my stbx H uBPD. It feels unsurmountable
- I feel like my life has been destroyed in the last year
- I cannot focus as the PTSD from what happened is setting in hard (though I made some great breakthroughs in therapy this week).
- My whole body hurts, my sibling is visiting and since I don't have a guest room we are sharing the bed. I haven't shared a bed since with my stbx H and that was so traumatic. My body is in unconscious trauma mode just from having another person in the apartment. As much as I love my sibling my body is adjusting and hurting.
- I can't focus (addressed in another post)
- I'm sad I haven't had kids and starting to worry I will miss out on this because of biological timing (not ready to talk about this please)
- I just feel all-around SAD

YellowButterfly,

   I hear you.  You are not alone.

   Sending a virtual hug.   :hug:

   Might I suggest doing some self-care.  Since you are strapped in finances, here are some you can do for next to nothing.

   This is what I do for self-care.  If the weather is not terrible, I go outside for a walk, hike, bike-ride.  My knees cannot handle a run, but if yours can, that would be good too.

   Or, I take a nice long hot shower, and just let it soak up my pain.

   Or, I curl up with a good movie, tv show, and if you like to read a book -- lose yourself in another world for a little while and leave your cares behind.

   Or, you can do any number of other things that might be able to help

   Or, call a friend and vent [I see that you are venting here, and that is good too]

   Or, a combination thereof.

Take Care.

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles.  I agree - it can be absolutely overwhelming.  The feelings you have need to be felt and they will get better - you are just in the eye of the hurricane right now. 

Some thoughts:
1) Process your feelings. Cry, yell, scream, talk, journal, get it out.  You have gone through trauma - don’t keep it in.  Journaling works for me as I feel it is too much to dump on a friend.
2) Expand your friend circle.  Get hooked into somewhere where you can feel “normal” again and laugh.  Make an emphasis to eat a meal with them - as good bonding happens over food.  I joined a free running club here in town.  They have walkers and joggers in it and after running we eat dinner together.  I don’t get into the details with them, but I can laugh and feel normal.
3) Get outside and move.  Sunlight and exercise do huge wonders in helping mood and making yourself feel good.
4) Be gentle with yourself.  Give yourself arm wrapping hugs, and tell yourself it isn’t your fault, and you are doing the best you can under the circumstances.
5) Grieve and don’t be afraid to manage yourself through all the stages of the grief cycle.  This was shocking when my therapist told me to do that, and she was absolutely right - I needed to grieve.  It sucks, and all those emotions need to come out for you to think clearly again, and not hurt so much.

Sending you huge virtual hugs  :hug:

I’m so sorry. Eye of the hurricane indeed. I second the suggestions that have been offered, and am adding more virtual hugs.

Sometimes on my darkest days my goal is to just get through the moment. As awful as everything feels right now, it won’t feel this way forever.

Hey YB...you friends here. We care. Having said that...everything is surmountable. It is all about mind set and prioritizing. As for not being ready to talk about anything...you will never be forced to talk about something you do not want to. Additionally, if someone does push too far just say I am not comfortable sharing that right now with anyone and please respect my personal wishes. If pressed beyond that you can refer to myself and the rest of the team.

It is ok to feel sad. You have went through a lot. Give yourself that break to just feel. Hey for what its worth once upon a time I wanted kids. Now, I am open to it, but its not as important since I have already helped raise 5 kids...nieces and nephews. In particular my nephews, and my oldest nephew to be exact since he is my god son and pretty much has been my kid. I have made peace with not having children because unfortunately I ran into some very crappy partners. I am thankful I did not have children with these women actually. Regardless...keep your head up. If it is in the cards for you it is, but if it isn't then do not hang your head about it. There may be a higher purpose meant for you.

Please be kind to you and take care of yourself

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-