BPDFamily.com

Hi, my 17 year old just learned that his dad (my ex) has BPD. He has broken off contact with his dad which I think is healthy. He is in therapy 2x a week to work on it, and has just decided to take a break from school because he can't focus and feels so bad about his dad. Any suggestions of how I can best support him?

Hello BabyDaddyhasBPD, welcome to the group  :hi:

It's great to year that your S17 is open to therapy and engaging with it so much -- that's really healthy and a good foundation for him to process what's going on.

A few questions as we get to know your situation:

-How did your son learn that his dad has BPD?

-What does "taking a break from school" look like?

-And is there a custody order/parenting plan in place right now?

BPD can be very difficult to cope with in families, so we're glad you're here reaching out for support.

-kells76

How did he learn this? And why did he break contact? What has been going on that hurt your son?

You are wondering how to best help your son who has just learned his dad has BPD. You are already helping in some of the most healthy loving ways by validating that his father has BPD and supporting his going to therapy. In my experiences from working with boys with disordered fathers, I have found it extremely important to recognize that dads are the role model for sons on how to be a man, and boys with disordered fathers often feel extremely distressed about the possiblity of ending up like their fathers. Are there other men who could be a father figure for your son? Is there a big brother's type program in your area in which a man could become a special friend to your son? Is the therapist a man or a woman? What kind of support from friends, neighbors, family, the community does your son have? Your son is lucky to have you. Many members here have not figured out that a parent has BPD until much older than your son.