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Title: DIL Post by: Rose60 on March 21, 2023, 09:28:38 AM I've been dealing with DIL's control over my son and hardly ever seeing my grandkids. Everytime I want to see them (2 yrs and 6 months old) she has an excuse and it's causing horrible fighting between them. I don't want to interfere with their marriage, but I do have rights. I have blocked her from my phone and facebook. I have alot of health problems and I need to protect myself from all this craziness and stress. All I want is a close relationship with my grandkids and she's making that impossible.
Title: Re: DIL Post by: kells76 on March 22, 2023, 04:55:44 PM Hi Rose60 :hi:
You are definitely in the right place to look for support when a family member with BPD is interfering with seeing kids and grandkids. It's awful when innocent children get caught in the middle of these BPD conflicts. Craziness and stress sounds familiar :( It can be maddening to try to reason with, argue with, explain things to, or otherwise use "normal" communication with a pwBPD (person with BPD). It's like logic just doesn't stick, and the more we try to explain how they're being hurtful, the worse things get. One skill that I learned since being here is to avoid JADE-ing: avoid Justifying, Arguing, Defending, or Explaining to a pwBPD. It can be like adding fuel to a fire. In fact, we have a workshop on Don't "JADE" (justify, argue, defend, explain) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=139972.0) if you want to check it ou. Do your son and DIL live close to you? And has she always avoided letting you see the grandkids, or did that start later? There are ways to make our part of the conflict less, though sometimes it's not intuitive how to do so. That's why this group is here -- we can support each other and share tools and skills to hopefully make things less bad, and to protect the kids caught up in it. Keep us in the loop on how the last few days have been for you, and again, welcome; kells76 |