BPDFamily.com

... .this is a discussion on depression, feeling worthless, and ways to deal with it that we wanted to pull together for our workshop board and maybe use on the website.

A lot of us have dealt with the downs during and after these relationships.  A lot of us have had the early stages of suicidal thoughts.

What have learned that could help others.

Skippy

I have been depressed off an on all my life. It is always around failed relationships. It is as if I don't exist as an individual worthy of living. If a relationship fails I want to die. My last suicide attempt was when my mother died. I went to bed with a bottle of pills and cradled them like a baby. I wrote a note to my sister telling her how cruel she had been to me at the funeral. At some point during the night I realized that I could not do this to my two grown children, that suicide would be cruel to them. I have fantasized about death being bliss all my life, the great escape. Joseph Campbell talks about this. We used to say, "she has gone on to her just reward." Well I am ready. I have served God well. I am tired. But I have to pay my dues and that means showing up and taking care of business until it is my turn. The depression related to my mom's death lifted when I forgave my sister for telling me my mom didn't like me. So I learned that anger and depression go hand in hand. I am less depressed when I remember that God loves me. I take medication, but it just takes the edge off. Right now things are neutral. I am not happy but I am not inconsolable. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, so I look to people who are really suffering and thank God. Depression is like a thief in the night. It robs you of your will to live. This workshop sounds great. As Tiny Tim said, "God bless us everyone."