SURVEY | Have you been in contact recently?

[JRT]

Seven months and counting of NC... .EXCEPT the 2-5 daily 'silent calls' (spoofed number - different every time, no on on the line or muted... .sometimes hangs up, sometimes doesn't)... .might not be her but I don't see any other possibility

[mks10]

8 months of NC. Our last communication was her texting me for money because she was living wildly beyond her means. I called her bluff and she just went ballastic and I haven't heard a thing out of her since. She could text for money but couldn't bother with calling me to do it. She was, and is, a complete fraud.

[jhkbuzz]

How long ago was the last contact?

A little over a month ago

What was the contact

After the b/u she left a few boxes behind.  I drove to her house while she was at work to leave the boxes at her door.

What did I think the contact was all about?

Returning her things.

How did I handle it?

I was sad as I drove away, but okay.  She texted me a "thank you" several hours later.  I was surprised to realize that receiving her text didn't trigger me in any way.



If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

No

[sirius]

How long ago was the last contact?

14 months ago

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

I txt her to ask how was she

What did I think the contact was all about?

I txt her to ask if she is OK, her reply was "What is it that you want from me?"

How did I handle it?

Badly

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

Yes, because i found out what BPD is

[kc sunshine]

How long ago was the last contact?

Today

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

Me calling to say hi & see if her daughter (who wants to stay in regular contact with me) wanted to talk; her returning the phone call & leaving a message

What did I think the contact was all about?

Keeping lines of communication open, maintaining connection with her daughter which is important to me, building friendship with ex ("fake it til you make it"

How did I handle it?

Pretty well... .it was an exchange of phone messages. It still hit me pretty hard though, her happy phone message a reminder that she is doing well and doesn't miss me (I can't say the same for myself yet).

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why? I think the actual interaction was okay... .if I could change anything magically it would be about how I feel about it. I wish that I felt easier, more at peace with it all.

[JRT]

How long ago was the last contact?

September 25 2014... .(this does not include various spells of HIGHLY suspected electronic stalking that continue to date)

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

The direct message that I received was via text, "our relationship is over... .I have moved out... .don't try to contact me" ... .the contact before that was, 'Good night... .I love you ... .I miss you" I had gone out of town for business.

What did I think the contact was all about?



How did I handle it?

As it came out of the blue, I was frantic - It was as if someone had kicked me in the teeth.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

" I contacted her family and friends to see what was happening. The ones that answered we shocked and perplexed. I think that I handled it the right way. Given the circumstances, I think that anyone would have done at least that and more

[UserName69]

I voted for: Necessary information exchange

How long ago was the last contact?

It was nine months ago, since that day I stayed in no contact and I won't contact her no matter what.

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

We broke up and we had a fight. She was threatening me because I broke up with her.

What did I think the contact was all about?

Could be anything I think she was trying to stay in touch so she could roll back to me whenever she wanted. This was I believed, because she did this a couple times.

How did I handle it?

When she threatened me I did not want to continue with her. She really made me very angry in return I decided to text her a couple hurtful things. I know it did struck her as lighting.

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

I would have dumped her after the first fight if I could undo things.

I'm still ignoring her, I received a couple strange calls and I knew it was her craving for attention but I didn't take the bait. Going back to her is never going to happen.

[thisworld]

How long ago was the last contact?

Two days ago.

What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

Ran into him in my very small and local festival - he was supposed to be some 500 miles away. This was our first face-to-face encounter after our break up. Asked me if I was OK and then told me how he fell for me again, unexpectedly (in our last contact before this, he had stated angrily that he didn't want a relationship with me anymore - I hadn't asked for it-. This happened as soon as he learnt that I didn't have a house anymore where he could live:))

What did I think the contact was all about?

It was about the thing above.

How did I handle it?

I was very surprised and scared at first when I saw him but managed to appear calm - had the anxiety and the shock later. I tried S.E.T. to the best of my power, tried to keep it civil and friendly but spoke more openly than ever. I told him clearly why we couldn't have a relationship - without blaming him, taking a lot of responsibility about my own feelings, behaviours but not blaming myself either, tried to keep my reasons limited with me.  

If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

I don't know. I'm trying to think about it. I talked about his confidante ex - a major figure in his triangulations. I had this voice like "don't, don't" but didn't listen. Argh. I wish I hadn't talked about her - I told him I had to step out of what was going on but I passive aggressively said sarcastic things as well. Then I got afraid of this woman as well (she stalks me online) because I'm afraid my ex might tell these to her although he blames her for losing me (he says to me!). But my fear has decreased a great deal. I don't know, maybe I appeared confident and disinterested somehow (although I wasn't totally) and I hope she perceives me as a scary woman and stays away from me. Then it will be good. I don't know really.  

And yes, in everything else, I have been trying to practice radical acceptance (very clumsily I suppose) but this acceptance has relaxed both of us in certain ways I think - though he is now back to idealizing and mirroring me while working on replacements.

[unicorn2014]

I appreciate this post.
Im struggling to deal with the reality of going from preparing to file a restraining order against him to him going no contact on me as if I was the problem. I had been asking him for space for days, asking him to chill out, to no avail, then I catch him in a cryptic post on Facebook about me , I call him out on it, and he ends up blocking me and leaving town.
Of course I'm angry.
Of course I want to have the last word.
He ended up making me look like the perpetrator when it was him all along.
I've never met a single one of his friends, but my friends know what's up.
My question is if he has all those friends why does he need me too? Why does he need to sow his seeds on Facebook . Is it to convert our mutual friends to his side?
He won, he got to accomplish what I'd been trying to accomplish for years.
Its simply unfair.

[Sadly]

I posted other. Not for months, although he has tried hard and often, but my pain and unhappiness do not leave me. I still love a mentally impaired human being, I can't stop. I miss so much, about as much as I don't miss. I am lonely and unhappy beyond measure and I don't know what to do about. Time does not seem to make any difference, I am still very lost.

[SaltyDawg]

This is for my uBPD/uNPD/u+exgf whom I dumped after she ghosted me for another guy (2000) on the recycle attempt in 2001.

Here are the questions:
How long ago was the last contact?

2001:  Ran out of money, the guy she was chasing ghosted her, and I needed to collect my belongings, so she contacted me for a 'recycle'

2002:  She is in jail, and needed to be bailed out.


What was the contact (simple description of the event, e.g., text message asking me if I'm OK)?

2001:  Asked me to come back, so I made arrangements only with the intent to collect my personal property that she had kept when she went 'no contact'.

2002:  Asked for 'bail money' after she got arrested due to complications of her PD's, it was via a 3rd party, her child's friend's parent who was their neighbor, and I was friendly with them.


What did I think the contact was all about?

2001:  She ran out of money and her emotional supply ran out on the guy whom she attempted to cheat on me with.

2002:  She had no other person to turn to; I was the person of 'last resort' to rescue her from jail.


How did I handle it?

2001:  I went out, packed my vehicle with my personal belongings, took her to the restaurant where we first met to make the announcement, and left within a period of a few hours where she readily admitted to cheating when she asked 'why' I was leaving - I didn't need to show her 'evidence' I had.  After leaving physically, I went 'scorched earth' on her until she respected my NC boundary.

2002:  I had 'sympathy' for the plight of her sons, whom I cared for.  I paid the bail money, but otherwise remained NC.


If I got a "do-over" would I handle it differently? Why?

2001:  No, I would not handle this portion differently.  She cheated, I collected my stuff, and left her.  She continued to attempt to contact me, so I became nasty to her, essentially going 'scorched earth' on her as I did not want any relationship with her at all.

2002:  No, I would not handle that portion differently.  Her children did not need to be punished by the bad behaviors of their mother, so I paid the bail money out of Obligation/Guilt, but otherwise remained in NC - I had no direct contact with the pwBPD in this exchange; hence, why I am listing the last two incidents.

However, what I would have done differently early on is to leave on the first realization that she had major mental illness issues.  I didn't recognize them at the time, it was a very expensive and costly mistake I made. 

[Pook075]

Please Post and Vote

- Last contact was 5 days ago.

- My wife was dysregulated, said she didn't believe in divorce but couldn't try to fix things (we divorced a few weeks ago).

- I handled it well, talked about religion and forgiveness.  Quoted her grandfather (deceased pastor) to get the point across.

- I wouldn't change anything.  I affirmed her but also got to say what I wanted to say; forgive and pray for forgiveness.