NEA-BPD Family Connections Program

[momofrage]

I wanted to share this link:

www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/family-connections.shtml

I am about to start this program in a week. It is a program to help family members of BPDs, by support, education, and some exposure to DBT skills. I have heard really good things about it. I am so hopeful that I will be driving 1.5 to 2 hours each way once a week for 12 weeks in order to participate. The leaders seem very nurturing.

Check it out and see if there is a group in your area. It is only $50 for materials. I hope this helps someone.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Ann Costello]

Hi,

We have 2 children with BPD (one is 20 the other 26) and one of them also is BiPolar. Our third child has issues, but is functioning. We are parent leaders for Family Connections trained by Drs. Perry Hoffman and Alan Fruzzetti. We meet weekly for 12 weeks and are a curriculum based program offering DBT skills for loved ones of BPD family members.  We are located just north of NYC.  

Our next Family Connections sessions will start in Feb 2011.  If this will help anyone, please register at NEA- BPD and go to 'Families'.  Our past families have found this program to be very helpful in helping decrease burden, grief, depression and sadness.

[SadMom213]

I cannot find any info on this at NEA Family connections-

I am very new here... .about 1 hour. I  live north of the city and my D30 was just diagnosed yesterday.  Please tell me where I can get the info-thanks

[Skip]

The program is being held Westchester County.

Here is some descriptive information:

www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/family-connections.shtml

[SadMom213]

Do you know where and when in westchester?

[qcarolr]

In another post lbjlntx suggested to another parent finding a Family Connectins Group for a more intense support group need. It sounds like a great, research based program. They have 12-week group classes in some cities as well as on online weekly program called 'TLC'. Here is the link for you to check out:

www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/family-connections.shtml

There is currently a waiting list, and they suggest you send in a pre-registration form to be notified of openings in our area.

Think I will do this today!

qcr x

[jbmom]

We got into a Family Connections group starting in September.


What can I expect?

[cfh]

Is it the Family to Family Course (NAMI)?

[jbmom]

No its NEA-BPD... .I think?

I was calling everywhere in state to get into a parents program... .this was the first to have an opening for us (9 mos later). The demand for these classes is so high! It is limited to 18 people -- so DH and I are 2. So I guess ~8-10 families.

[cfh]

I took the Family to Family Course (NAMI) which helped so much.  I'd love to take the course you are registered for but we have since moved to a very remote area and they don't have one close enough. It sounds great though.

[lbjnltx]

I'd love to take the course you are registered for but we have since moved to a very remote area and they don't have one close enough

I believe, if I remember correctly, that these classes are available via teleconference... .or maybe they were just working on getting that going a while back.

Check to see if they are set up for that yet.

lbjnltx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pattyt]

We got into a Family Connections group starting in September.

What can I expect?

My husband and I took the Family Connections course.  You will find a group of people who have been through the same things as you with their loved ones.  The things you will learn about BPD, validation, radical acceptance, and other skills are good, but the connection with others is the most helpful.

[radioguitarguy]

My wife runs a Family Connections group in the Danbury Connecticut area. Even though we have alot of friends we talk to on a day to day basis, the folks in this FC group are really the only ones who can truly understand and relate to what we're going through. It's an opportunity to ask questions, share stories, and to find out what is "working" or not working with your BPD son or daughter. My wife has been lucky enough to study under Perri Hoffman and Dr. Alan Fruzetti. You'll be happy that you took advantage of this wonderful support system.

[cfh]

RGG

That's exciting!  I live in the boondocks now but next year I think we are moving to Fairfield County... .maybe I'll be in your wife's group.

[jbmom]

Thanks for the input -- sounds exactly what we need.

RGG- what you said strikes a chord. When I adopted for the first time... .my pediatrician who specialized in adoption asked who my support staff was. And I said my mother, brother, sister... .and she asked again -- no, who is your support staff, that is your family, who is going to understand the adjustment process, support you in your decisions, etc... .I so didn't get it until about 3 months home with DD. My family was helpful, but they didn't get it at all. So I found a group of adoptive parents who we could share and confide our issues with.

I am looking forward to this. I have babysitter already lined up for the little guy, I have a ride to/from dance lined up for my BPD kiddo. I hoping this will get DH and I on the same page.

[cfh]

jbmom

I also adopted both my boys.  Around the time my BPD son started showing behavioral problems I hooked up with an adoptive parents group.  Every single person in the group had a child with some sort of issues.  I've since been told that the population in RTC's and therapeutic schools, rehabs are overwhelmingly adopted. 

Thankfully much research has been done on nature vs nurture and they no longer blame the adoptive parents for "bad parenting".  These kids come into the world with their own set of genes and often prenatal care has been poor or non existent.

[qcarolr]

I got an email from the family connections folks just a few days ago. They were verifying their waiting lists. I don't remember now where online I signed up - its was a very long time ago. None in our area and sounds like they are trying to get the teleconfernece part back up. If I find a link, I will post it.

qcr

[qcarolr]

Here is link for registration form with NEA_BPD for these classes.  www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/family-connections/family-connections-pre-registration-form/

qcr

[rigaberto]

Nami FC class was the beginning of a change in the way we view our BPD daughter... .it gives such insight into alot of issues. Everyone has someone in the class with mental illness... .I walked away with so much love and understanding in that group, it was amazing. I would love to do a refresher course! 

[rigaberto]

This family connections class from NEA-BPD is such a great class I look so forward to homework! (Never thought I would say that!)

Marie  and Sandy are terrific leaders of the group... .well worh the small donation they ask for. Has been excellent!

[heronbird]

How did the group help? was it just for family or could it be others too? What did you do in the group

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pattyt]

heronbird,

The Family Connections class is the one I sent you all the information on.

It's for anyone with a loved one with BPD - children, parents, siblings, spouses... . The majority of my class were parents of pw/BPD.

[heronbird]

Oh yes its brilliant. Im looking for lots of suggestions though of what sort of things people want in these classes, I want to put them in my group.

I would like to use some topics from here.

[Sadforson]

My husband and I did a FC NAMI class.  It was instrumental for being able to understand and help our son, our relationship with him, and our relationship to each other.  We still have various chanpter around for quick reference that we refer at times talking to my son.

[pattyt]

Passing this along for those in the Houston, TX area:

***

SPECIAL NOTICE:  a new Family Connections class is planned to begin approximately the third week of September on Saturday and if this fills as did the prior class, we will start a second up on the north side of town.  PLEASE register on the NEA-BPD website www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com 

This is quick and easy and afterwards we will get in touch to firm up the location and time.  Saturday classes will run from 10am-noon.  Timing for a second class will be communicated later.

***

My dh and I took this class this past spring in northwest Houston.  Very excellent class and almost free (nominal donation requested).

[jbmom]

We started the Family Connections course. Missed the first week due to DD's Back to School night. DH went to 2nd week solo because I had a medical procedure and was wearing off the anesthesia. Went last night for the first time.

My impression -- So happy we could get into this now. We have the youngest loved one with BPD of the group. I am hopeful we may learn ways to handle our family better. I feel getting in this early, we have not lost time and hopefully can get off on the right foot early in the game (of life).

Last week I pushed DH to go. His nature is avoidant. He would have never looked for a help group, rather just muddled along. He was not happy to go solo (his introvert nature).  Not only did he actually go, he participated and  had lots to tell me when he got home. His first confession-- he was trying to come up with many reasons not to go after he left the house. Even thought of just going out.  Afterwards he felt such relief he did it.  And I can see the relief in his face, after just the week. Last night was funny he kept looking for my reaction - would I think the leader was good or not, would I buy into what she had to say. By nature I ask a million questions and guess can challenge ideas as I attempt to learn.  He thought we would be oil and water... .but it was great.  I don't think we got as far as she wanted to. She wanted to start the chapter on Mindfullness but we were still on Chapter two about biology of BPD. We also spoke a lot about observing and describing in a nonjudgemental way.  I was allowed to ask a lot of questions and got some ideas of how to rephrase things to DD that will maybe improve her reception of our ideas.

A lot of the discussion focused on raising that 5% child.  Standard parenting is good for that 95%, but not our kiddos. They are more sensitive. And really everything she said about sensitive children I have seen in DD since she was small.  I even had DD tested for Sensory issues, she had some mild issues, but nothing that warranted therapy at the time. The leader talked to us over and over about how not validating the sensory issues ( perception) can cause them to doubt all the know and rely externally for people to tell them what is true.  So much of this seemed so clear to me. DD has an external loci of self. She does as others do as she never learned to trust her own senses... .they weren't true to the 95% of people.  While we did accommodate her a lot (as only child until from age 6 onward) it was easy to do. But of course we can't erase what was done for the first 6 years of her life before she was with us.

I held it together for the meeting, biting my lips for the last 30mins to keep from bursting into tears. It's just so sad  and frustrating that there is not more known and more research done for a health issue that affects 5% of the population, or more if you consider the effects on the family.  I had my cry in the car ride home and got it together before we got home.

Looking forward to trying our homework and next week's session.

[heronbird]

Wow, that was interesting, thank you for sharing that. Did you find it really good? do you think it will give you the tools that you/we need to help your daughter.

I think your dh is typical of a lot of dhs.

I think it sounded good, you learnt about mindfullness, abd biology, and yes being non judgemental so good, I struggle with the judgemental thing, its so hard as a mum.

It sounds brilliant, did your dd go too.

[lbjnltx]

Wonderful jbmom!

I pray that this support and information will be a turning point in your lives.



lbjnltx

[peaceplease]

Course sounds very promising.  I am glad that you and dh seem to be on the same page with it.  It is difficult to get the other half on board.   

[jbmom]

So far it is really good. --- Good for us -- DH and I.  His getting on board has really reduced some stress for me. We tried some techniques yesterday and had a good chuckle about it.  DD was looking at us like we had three heads... .just from rephrasing the way we speak to her.

The changes we are trying are small but will hopefully will reduce tension in the home. 

The course is for caregivers only... .DD is at dance while we are there -- fortunate timing. Our after school babysitter is staying late for our little man.   The composition of attendees is intereting. Many have daughters -- all ages, ours is the youngest. Two peeps have wives with BPD, 1 person has a mother with BPD. So a whole collection of us.  Good learning opportunities from others who are going through the same battles.  And we are all in the same place, so it really is non judgmental.

[heronbird]

Wow, this is interesting, sounds a bit like what I want to do. Id like to know, how many weeks is the course, mine for now is just 5, first one is how to reduce conflict I believe. I havent remembered what we are doing every week one week is validation.

Did your new techniques work with your daughter?

I am trying to learn not to be judgemental with my children, I realise now that I have been a bit like that, its not good for pwBPD is it. Will you learn that do you know?

Im going to see if I can find it on google now, see what they do.

I have already reduced tension in the home by reading Valerie Porrs book and learnt new skills there. Its such a good feeling when it works.

[jbmom]

I am trying to learn not to be judgemental with my children, I realise now that I have been a bit like that, its not good for pwBPD is it. Will you learn that do you know?

Im going to see if I can find it on google now, see what they do.

Yes... .she did an exercise as a  group about how we are judgmental without realizing it. I found it difficult to hear what is considered judgmental... .as all through school and work we are asked to be more descriptive. What I discovered... .what I considered descriptive is judgmental to that 5% (her wording for sensitive BPD peeps). 

An example she used... .She asked all of us to chose two words to describe the room. After the simple words of cold, yellow were thrown out, a lot of us started getting more descriptive... .old, tired, boring ... descriptions of the room which held emotion.  Its more so of sticking to the facts with out our perception. 

So bottom line... .I thought I was nonjudgmental... .but really to that 5% how I say things could be judgmental. So I need to turn off the higher communication style when talking to DD and stick to the basics.

Well let you know how it goes. THey do run a teleconference version of this meeting... .its 12 weeks.

[vivekananda]

jbmom that sounds great! I like the description of you and your dh having three heads trying your new techniques   

Your enthusiasm for the chance for you and dh to do this together is wonderful. My dh and I are going to a group here for parents of people with BPD, in a couple of weeks. I hope it is as positive an experience as yours. I am a bit worried that my group will have only extreme BPD people whereas our dd is functioning, sort of, I think... .

Please keep us up to date with how it goes. We need the good stories 

cheers,

Vivek

[heronbird]

Jbmom,

Yes I realise, my son who is 21 was going out and he had an unlit cigarette in his hand, I gave him a look, but then I saw in his face he felt bad.Then I thought thats judgemental, but isnt it hard as a mum, course we are judgemental, we have opinions, I have strong opinions and I think theres nothing wrong with that, well my dd does not have opinions much, just goes with what others opinions are.

I do judge my dd, she has been so bad, so its the hardest thing not to, although its easier now she is 18, I more or less leave her to it.

I dont get how to help them without being judgemental or seeming to be controlling, I dont think I am controlling just careing. Your course sounds really good.

Viv,

Im sure your course will be good too, let us know how it goes.

Oh my gosh, my daughter has been so easy for the last 3 weeks, I have fallen into the trap of, its ok, she is fine now, no more BPD. Why do I always do that ?

[jbmom]

I dont get how to help them without being judgemental or seeming to be controlling, I dont think I am controlling just careing.

I struggle with this... .because she is 13 and still has lots of life lessons to learn. I am not ready to give up on giving her guidance... .and yes it comes off very judgmental... .its our family values vs the community values (which suck).

We encountered another problem... .I think it went okay. DD is not eating. She has been getting harassed at school - again.  She has a friend that doesn't eat... has an issue. ANd lucky for us, that friend moved into our district this year and now she sits at lunch. I had reports of DD just buying a bottle of water... then she is dizzy and shaking come dance class. This morning I gave direct orders to DH who has the early shift... .to make sure she eats breakfast. She didn't. Then said she had a banana, then confessed she threw half of it out.  So my talk this morning. She can't afford to do this to herself. Her grades, her dance relies on her being well nourished (not well fed - but nourished) so all her body functions correctly. She had been complaining all weekend of not feeling well -- well try eating and you will feel better. I gave in and told he she doesn't need multiple helpings, but she has to have something so her brain is nourished and can focus.  She grabbed another piece of fruit.

My threat is real... .I do not want to get an aide to sit with her at lunch to ensure she eats. So start eating.  I think she heard it... .gave me a hug as she left. No eye rolling, no nothing. Just a little sadness that she was caught. I can't tell if this is just the next way to hurt herself and get attention or if she is just really copying this other girl.  But everyone was calm and that's the good thing.

[lbjnltx]

jbmom,

I think you handled that very well.  You communicated care and concern without judgement and let her know that you are going to look out for her best interests ... .especially when she will not... .good advocating! 

[heronbird]

Well jbmom at least you have the advantage of knowing how to teach her coping skills or what ever she may need, and you can change, but when my dd was difficult at 13 I had never heard of BPD so for 3 years we didnt validate or anything, school treated her like a rebellious teen, and we thought she was a spoilt brat. well I can understand that now, even dd says she used to act like a spoilt brat.

Course she didnt, I just remember that all the time her head is all over the place and she cant do normal things easily.

I think its great that your dd is doing dancing, mine never stuck to anything for long, she did like gymnastics but gave up after a few months.

Keep up your good work

[vivekananda]

so proud of you jb, so glad you were able to walk that tightrope between judgement and advocacy... .i never thought of it that way before. I do have a lot to learn   .

cheers,

Vivek  

[cfh]

Has anyone taken this 12 week course and how did you like it?  I took the Family to Family Course (NAMI) 12 week course given by NAMI and I thought it was wonderful.

I registered for the next Family Connections Program but since they don't have a schedule I have no idea when it will be given next in my area.

[Esperança_Hope]

   This is great, cfh

I wish we had here in Bahia such a blessing. A few people know what is BPD in my small village.

Is there any way you talk about it with us?

Thanks

Esperança

[cfh]

Esperanca

I think that Family Connections does the course by teleconference for those who live in an area where the course isn't given.  I will get some information on this and post it.  I don't think NAMI has anything like that though.

[Esperança_Hope]

       

thanks, cfh

[pattyt]

Has anyone taken this 12 week course and how did you like it?

My husband and I took this course this past spring.  It did help us very much to understand what our dd is experiencing, and to help us find ways to communicate better with her.  Just being around others who had the same issues and concerns about their loved ones was so very helpful.

[jbmom]

DH and I are in current Family Connections course. We have been to 4 classes - then the storm hit, so I don't know when we are continuing.

IT is fantastic! It has really helped me understand validating and mindfulness.  If you can get in a class... .I highly suggest you take it.

[Reality]

Hello,

Has anyone done the Family Connections course online?  Wondering what that would be like... .only way we in the backwoods of Canada can do the course, unfortunately.

Reality

[Someday . . .]

Dear Moderators, Advisors and Ambassadors - I don't know if this is ok for me to suggest the course on this site . . .I looked for a way to ask you privately but did not find one . .so here goes:  The National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorders has a 12 week program for relatives with a loved one who have BPD.  The program seeks to provide the most current up to date information and research on BPD, to teach coping skills based on DBT and to develop a support network.  My co-leader and I will begin our first program in the San Francisco Bay Area (located in the East Bay - Pleasant Hill) on Thursday, February 7.  If you are in the area and are interested in the program, please go to NEABPD's website and register on the Family Connections page (specifically Family Connections Registration Form).   We will get your name from NEABPD in the next month and will contact you!

Thanks!  Look forward to meeting you!

[lbjnltx]

Thank you why oh why.  The NEABPD and Family Connections program are spoken of often here on the board.  They are well respected and promote solid skills.

lbjnltx

[Someday . . .]

Thanks!  I'm glad that it is promoted!  Anything that can help us is soo appreciated!

[lbjnltx]

Just wish there were more classes across the continents and the oceans!

lbj

[cfh]

whyohwhy

We are so excited to start the course in NYC in January.  We need to drive 3 hours to get there but  my non son lives there so we will stay with him Wednesday nights.  A couple of years ago we took the Family to Family Course (NAMI) and that was great too but dealt with all types of mental illness.  Excited that Family Connections focuses on BPD.

[Someday . . .]

cfh, I'm so glad that you are able to attend a class!  It is nice to have a class that just focuses on BPD and btw, what a great 'excuse' to see your son too! 


lbjnltx, I didn't realize how popular Family Connections courses are, I believe that our training class was told that it is now in 16 different countries . . and counting!  I'm so glad that the word is getting out about BPD! 

[lovesjazz]

I was trying to find the locations for the course but couldn't on the website. Could someone direct me? Thank you.

[cfh]

When I first got on their website they do not give specific locations or dates.  You fill out the information and when a class is being given in your area they notify you.

[radioguitarguy]

Just wanted to give y'all a heads up for anyone who lives in the greater Danbury, CT or New Haven CT areas. My wife is starting up a new "Family Connections" group in Danbury, CT which begins tonight and goes for 8 weeks. There will also be a new group startup in New Haven CT in January. If you're interested or just need some general info, contact me via private message, and I'll put you in touch with my wife.

These Family Connections groups are wonderful! They are much like these wonderful "boards" but you're in the same room. We've made some great friends, and like this BPD Family, they are truly the only people that really understand what we're up against and are going through.

[uniquename]

I need a lot of validation right now to get through this (see my other posts ). I have started the NAMI Family-to-Family class. Before that, I had signed up to be notified about the next NEABPD Family Connections in my area or telecom. I just got an email one's starting in September so signed up for that. I'm planning to go to try out a NAMI Family Support Group tomorrow night.

Have any of you tried these? Thoughts?

[teapay]

At times I've been involved with NAMI, but much less now.  The groups and F to F course can be somewhat helpful and provide you more insight and a connection with people locally which can be very important.  Those involved in nami are typically parents/siblings/adult childten of adults with MI.  Partners are definitely in the minority, 15%or less.  As such, nami seems to have a focus on individuals being caretakers for their sick loved one with the hope that that the sick one can ultimately get healthy and gain independence.  For partners some of it can be validating and some of it can be invalidating.