Wisdom: The journey, the experience, and the reflection

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I have been staying up rather late at night here recently. My daughter is struggling with the same decisions I once struggled with, when it comes to affairs of the heart, and taking care of our own self. We have talked quite a bit over the last few days, but it has changed more to the Mentor type of talking, instead of the Father type of talking. Reflecting back, I see something I have never seen before. I think its my first view of wisdom in my own life.

We all start out on a journey. Most of us really have no idea where we are going. Some of us have an idea of where we want to go, but often end up blissfully side tracked because of our experiences along the way. We may have a certain place in mind, or a certain job in mind for ourselves, but strip all of that out, and what we all really want is peace, tranquility, happiness, and contentment. Sometimes we tend to substitute places and things for these feelings.

Much like a road map in life, we start our journey at a certain location. Again, these arent plots on a map, or places on a social scale. We travel blindly through this medium that we call life, trying to fulfill ourselves. We strive for things to quench our emotional thirst. Again, usually seeking things that are tangeable, rather than emotional or spiritual. We have experiences that take us from one location to the next, that teach us about variable things that this life has to offer.

We generally tie our feelings to certain people, places, or things. We gain friends, and mentors along the way. As life passes, and our journey continues, we tend to lose some of these friends, and mentors. Some of these friends are even love interests, or love bonds. These seem to be the hardest ones to overcome losing. The loss of them seems to stunt our growth emotionally, and stop our journeys. They aren't meant, or designed to do so, but we allow these events to cease the wheels.

Here is where reflection comes in. Looking back, I have been all over the proverbial map. I started at point A, and am now at point B, looking forward to getting to point C. I have more now, emotionally speaking, than I did 20 years ago. I have learned how to calm my fears, and have learned how to deal with my anger. I am not a victim anymore, as I once saw myself. I now look to something in the aspect of how it, or they, make me feel, rather than my desire to obtain that certain something. In obtaining these things emotionally, I have traveled the equivalent of two lifetimes, stopping for experiences along the way. In other words, I have traveled from Boston to New York, but did so via California, Nevada, North Dakota, and Florida. Hardly the shortest route, or the most economical. But, it is what it took to gain the wisdom I am finally seeing.

All of these experiences, all of these useless emotional mileage, have all been necessary for me to put together the picture of what the world is all about, and what my life is all about. Now I can see the way to where I am going, and how to get there, without all of the useless detours that I once put myself through. It may not seem like much, but when I ponder it all, it puts me in awe of what the process is.

3 years ago, I was stuck in the same place I was 20 years ago. It was only in the last 3 years that I have learned the power of reflection, and learning the lessons that I had accumulated, but hadn't taken the time to slow down and dissect yet.

So what am I trying to say? We all have been on our own journeys. We have all had experiences. These are the day to day nuts and bolts that come to us, without any effort. What I am saying is to please, stop every once in a while, and learn the lessons from the journey, and experiences that we accumulate. Stop chasing the material things in life and try to realize what emotions are being filled, and which ones arent. Try not to tie emotions to anyone, or anything but yourself. Be gracious enough to yourself to embrace the wisdom that you have earned. We all owe it to ourselves to do this, so we can get to where it is that we are ultimately going.

[PDQuick]

I have been staying up rather late at night here recently. My daughter is struggling with the same decisions I once struggled with, when it comes to affairs of the heart, and taking care of our own self. We have talked quite a bit over the last few days, but it has changed more to the Mentor type of talking, instead of the Father type of talking. Reflecting back, I see something I have never seen before. I think its my first view of wisdom in my own life.

We all start out on a journey. Most of us really have no idea where we are going. Some of us have an idea of where we want to go, but often end up blissfully side tracked because of our experiences along the way. We may have a certain place in mind, or a certain job in mind for ourselves, but strip all of that out, and what we all really want is peace, tranquility, happiness, and contentment. Sometimes we tend to substitute places and things for these feelings.

Much like a road map in life, we start our journey at a certain location. Again, these arent plots on a map, or places on a social scale. We travel blindly through this medium that we call life, trying to fulfill ourselves. We strive for things to quench our emotional thirst. Again, usually seeking things that are tangeable, rather than emotional or spiritual. We have experiences that take us from one location to the next, that teach us about variable things that this life has to offer.

We generally tie our feelings to certain people, places, or things. We gain friends, and mentors along the way. As life passes, and our journey continues, we tend to lose some of these friends, and mentors. Some of these friends are even love interests, or love bonds. These seem to be the hardest ones to overcome losing. The loss of them seems to stunt our growth emotionally, and stop our journeys. They aren't meant, or designed to do so, but we allow these events to cease the wheels.

Here is where reflection comes in. Looking back, I have been all over the proverbial map. I started at point A, and am now at point B, looking forward to getting to point C. I have more now, emotionally speaking, than I did 20 years ago. I have learned how to calm my fears, and have learned how to deal with my anger. I am not a victim anymore, as I once saw myself. I now look to something in the aspect of how it, or they, make me feel, rather than my desire to obtain that certain something. In obtaining these things emotionally, I have traveled the equivalent of two lifetimes, stopping for experiences along the way. In other words, I have traveled from Boston to New York, but did so via California, Nevada, North Dakota, and Florida. Hardly the shortest route, or the most economical. But, it is what it took to gain the wisdom I am finally seeing.

All of these experiences, all of these useless emotional mileage, have all been necessary for me to put together the picture of what the world is all about, and what my life is all about. Now I can see the way to where I am going, and how to get there, without all of the useless detours that I once put myself through. It may not seem like much, but when I ponder it all, it puts me in awe of what the process is.

3 years ago, I was stuck in the same place I was 20 years ago. It was only in the last 3 years that I have learned the power of reflection, and learning the lessons that I had accumulated, but hadn't taken the time to slow down and dissect yet.

So what am I trying to say? We all have been on our own journeys. We have all had experiences. These are the day to day nuts and bolts that come to us, without any effort. What I am saying is to please, stop every once in a while, and learn the lessons from the journey, and experiences that we accumulate. Stop chasing the material things in life and try to realize what emotions are being filled, and which ones arent. Try not to tie emotions to anyone, or anything but yourself. Be gracious enough to yourself to embrace the wisdom that you have earned. We all owe it to ourselves to do this, so we can get to where it is that we are ultimately going.

[Mousse]

Very well said.  Thank you for sharing this with us 

[Mirielle]

PDQuick: awesome post, thank you!

I can't resist the urge to comment I'm ready to get out of Texas; does anyone have a good map? I'm lost. 

xoxo

M

[DreamGirl]

This is the personal inventory board... so I suppose this is about our beloved PDQuick.  xoxox

I've always thought of you as a man of wisdom.  I find that if I stop talking so much.. and stop to listen, I learn far more in those moments. When you stop to challenge me, your words often hurt, but that's only because the truth will sometimes leave a mark.. but I also know that you're coming from a place that is fair and loving.  

I'm hoping your own daughter stopped talking and is listening to the wise words of her dad. I sometimes wonder of my own journey had I done just that. I suppose I am also grateful for the path I've travelled for it's allowed me be the person I've become.

Now I can see the way to where I am going, and how to get there, without all of the useless detours that I once put myself through. It may not seem like much, but when I ponder it all, it puts me in awe of what the process is.

Where are you going?

You spoke in another thread that you confuse what you need to do with what you want to do... needing to see yourself as an asset and wanting to live without thinking... and rarely do you finish what you start. Although, I see that you've began this trepid journey... to where?

And so I wonder... where you headed Quick? Does it have a happy ending?


 DreamGirl

[Colombian Chick]

PDQuick  xoxox

I loved your post, very well written and from the heart. Like you posted I have often wondered where am I headed instead of seeing where I've been. For all of us life is a journey and the route you take gives you wisdom and knowledge. But only if you stop to smell the flowers  . I often said to myself that my experiences have given me a window to my own soul. At times I didn't want to look inside because it was painful. But with time you learn to accept that the falls you've encountered during your journey tought you valueable lessons needed for your growth.

[PDQuick]

Sung in my best WhiteSnake impersonation:

I don't know where Im going, but I sure know where Ive been

Hanging on the promises of the songs of yesterday

But Ive made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time

Here I go again.

I dont truly know where I am going, I don't think any of us truly do. I doubt Christopher Reeves ever thought he would end up being who he ultimately became, but he did so with such grace and strength, it is hard to imagine that it wasn't his destiny. He ended up giving more hope, to more people, out of his tragedy, than he ever gave out of his on screen performances.

I guess it is the age I have acheived, or an acceptance that I have embraced, but I am tending to let go of my fantasies of what I wanted my life to be. I am learning to drop my own, personal resentments of not becoming what I wanted, and felt I should be. I mean, really, who am I to delegate what I am to become? I couldn't even see who I was at certain times. I fooled myself through most of my life, thinking I was something that I wasn't, and trying to become something I am not. I ignored given talents, in search of unobtained talents. Instead of embracing who I really was, I shunned that man, and wanted something different.

Instead of learning lessons from my mentors, I strived to be them. My Idols became targets, rather than teachers. I wanted to be just like them, and didn't want to be myself. Then, I really questioned why my self esteem was in the toilet? Truth is, I wasn't very good to the soul that developed inside of me, and I led the way, by teaching others how to treat me, to my own downfalls in life.

Looking back, it is almost surreal to see myself in the past twenty years. It is almost like I was given tools for my life, and instead of using those tools, I coveted tools that others had, and tried to act like my tools were like theirs, not realizing that those people probably would have liked to have had what I had. I didn't learn to use my tools, so work essentially stopped. Nothing beautiful was ever created. I never took the time to see the beauty of my own tools, and the special traits that they possessed.

I ran around chasing other peoples live, trying to emulate them. I didn't build mine, to the best of my abilities, like the ones that I tried to emulate did. I looked, but did not see. I saw the outcome, but completely ignored the lessons that were staring me right in the face. I was blinded by someone elses destination, rather than seeing my own journey.

So, now, I am trying to not focus on the destination. I am trying to focus more on the journey, and the lessons that are to be learned from it. I think that I can build a beautiful destination, by having a journey that I travel, using my own tools, my own talents, and one that only the unique soul that I am, can have. Instead of seeing where someone is, I will try to see their journey, and how they used their own unique talents and tools to get there.

I swear, if I am good to myself, and enjoy the journey, the destination will not matter much. As long as I reach it accepting who I am, and embracing everything that is me, I should be happy with the outcome.

[DreamGirl]

Good answer. 

[T2H]

I agree - wow.  Those words resonate a lot for me too.  I'm not quite there yet but I'm learning...

[Colombian Chick]

I couldn't help but think of the song "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. My daughter liked her song but when I heard the lyrics I thought they were very inspiring. Here are the lyrics

The Climb

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

[life2live]

I dont truly know where I am going, I don't think any of us truly do. I doubt Christopher Reeves ever thought he would end up being who he ultimately became, but he did so with such grace and strength, it is hard to imagine that it wasn't his destiny. He ended up giving more hope, to more people, out of his tragedy, than he ever gave out of his on screen performances.

I guess it is the age I have acheived, or an acceptance that I have embraced, but I am tending to let go of my fantasies of what I wanted my life to be. I am learning to drop my own, personal resentments of not becoming what I wanted, and felt I should be. I mean, really, who am I to delegate what I am to become? I couldn't even see who I was at certain times. I fooled myself through most of my life, thinking I was something that I wasn't, and trying to become something I am not. I ignored given talents, in search of unobtained talents. Instead of embracing who I really was, I shunned that man, and wanted something different.

Instead of learning lessons from my mentors, I strived to be them. My Idols became targets, rather than teachers. I wanted to be just like them, and didn't want to be myself. Then, I really questioned why my self esteem was in the toilet? Truth is, I wasn't very good to the soul that developed inside of me, and I led the way, by teaching others how to treat me, to my own downfalls in life.

Looking back, it is almost surreal to see myself in the past twenty years. It is almost like I was given tools for my life, and instead of using those tools, I coveted tools that others had, and tried to act like my tools were like theirs, not realizing that those people probably would have liked to have had what I had. I didn't learn to use my tools, so work essentially stopped. Nothing beautiful was ever created. I never took the time to see the beauty of my own tools, and the special traits that they possessed.

I ran around chasing other peoples live, trying to emulate them. I didn't build mine, to the best of my abilities, like the ones that I tried to emulate did. I looked, but did not see. I saw the outcome, but completely ignored the lessons that were staring me right in the face. I was blinded by someone elses destination, rather than seeing my own journey.

So, now, I am trying to not focus on the destination. I am trying to focus more on the journey, and the lessons that are to be learned from it. I think that I can build a beautiful destination, by having a journey that I travel, using my own tools, my own talents, and one that only the unique soul that I am, can have. Instead of seeing where someone is, I will try to see their journey, and how they used their own unique talents and tools to get there.

This is where I am right now. I know where I've been but don't know where I'm going. The forest is very thick at this fork in the road. I can't see ahead very far, I can only keep going forward step by step hoping that something may become clear. Maybe I need to start looking at the trees instead of the dark forboding forest. Doors are closing but hope soon some will open. And when they do I hope that I'm able to use MY tools to go through them. This is me, this is who I want to be and this is what I can or won't do.

[PDQuick]

I am beginning to see that through our decisions, our destiny materializes. If we make decisions that are set in our own internal belief systems, then the destiny will be one that is acceptable. If we compromise ourselves in our decisions, we compromise our destinies.

[Colombian Chick]

I am beginning to see that through our decisions, our destiny materializes. If we make decisions that are set in our own internal belief systems, then the destiny will be one that is acceptable. If we compromise ourselves in our decisions, we compromise our destinies.

Very true, I often wondered what would have become of my life if I continued in a dysfunctional situation. I'm glad that is behind me and I cherish the wisdom I've gained thanks to it.

[turtlesoup]

Great Post PDQuick

I always a little dubious of this idea of the "gift of BPD" for the nons. I always thought, well, thanks very much but I'd rather not have been given that gift. But it has been such an enormous wake up call that has left me pondering many things about myself, the women I've chosen, the desperation to be a relationship of any kind.

Everytime I've had well sorted women I became very bored very quickly. As a mega-code its great for work and management or at least more useful! But in personal relationships I had to find myself broken women and if they weren't broken I might even try my hand at making it so by acting poorly myself! I prefered it this way and although I bit off far more than I could chew with a BPD i was attracted to her crazyness and thought I could fix her. Looking outwardly at her, fixing all my attention of the BPD so there was never any question about me or my quirks! Or even illnesses. In my time I struggle with abusing food and other things, there has not been much stability.

Getting "over the borderline" was the most painful exp of my life but the real work, the real journey now lies up ahead. I have to break my codependent tendancies, gravitate towards healthy, fulfilling relationships and learn to not control or influence friends and lovers. Its time to live and let live, it's time to take stock of who I am and improve upon what I don't like and time to be more understanding with others and myself, truly listen to what other people tell me not bullishly think I know better about their situation and them.

I

have so much to learn and undesrtand that I am daunted but I also know, more than anytrhing else in my life, this job is paramount.