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Author Topic: TREATMENT: Why marriage counseling so often fails  (Read 6496 times)
Forestaken
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« Reply #50 on: May 05, 2010, 12:47:47 PM »

Books on BPD (like Walking on Eggshells) and this site is my T-sessions (no kidding).  I've learned more tools here than in months of T-sessions.  When the T gets close to a dx, we leave.
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« Reply #51 on: May 14, 2010, 05:55:36 AM »

DBT is like emotional kindergarten for those who suffer from BPD. They need to go back to the very basics and learn emotional management 101. It ain't easy for them, since for all their lives they've trusted their defenses to take care of them - and now they are finding out that their defenses were actually destroying those around them.

What they thought was real, is being proven to be fake.

What they thought was fake, is being proven to be real.

It takes time to integrate and accept those kind of major changes.

Regular counseling just can't do that.

Marriage counseling just can't do that.

Neither of them explain things in ways they can get.

Neither of them helps them build the skills they are missing.

Having someone who suffers from BPD go see a marriage counselor is like essentially asking them to build a rocket and then not giving them the plans on how to do it...they don't know how to do what is being asked of them, so they rebel. We see it all the time in schools with children who can't read. They act up to shift the focus off the fact that they can't do the assignment. They would rather get in trouble for bad behavior than risk having anyone figure out they can't read and possibly believe they are too dumb to do the assignment.

pwBPD need more than regular therapy - they need more than assignments from a MC... they need emotional tutoring that only DBT provides... 

When I went to MC, as we discussed issues, the therapist immediately zeroed in on the way that my SO was handling some things in our relationship and had me admit some things that probably wouldn't come as a shock to anyone who has watched a sitcom over the last 40 years (for example women are often less interested in sports than men, guys aren't as into clothes shopping as women).   The MC's basic point was that a marriage is a give and take, and what my SO sees as bad is a part of who I am, and how I'm trying to show my love.   

Of course, this is the point in the sitcom where the couple hugs and says sorry until the next episode when they mess it up again.   

Instead...   SO's reaction was to completely miss the point because the MC was "attacking them."

The upside was seeing someone who barely knew us so easily cut to the chase about the issues and have someone validate ME for a change.       
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« Reply #52 on: May 22, 2010, 03:18:33 AM »

my bf of 10yrs is uBPD and i'm only just accepting the reality of this.  i know counselling wouldn't work for us because he is 110% convinced that all his feelings are my responsability.  there are no BPD counsellers in the uk that i know of either.  but i know going would be another drama, listening to an inexperienced therapist assume that he is 'normal'.  it would be very damaging to me to have another pity party for a BPD at my expense.
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« Reply #53 on: June 05, 2011, 11:19:09 AM »

We tried couples therapy.

I spoke my own truth. My uBPDw did not.

From her point if view I  got labeled as being angry( by her, projection) and in need of anger therapy and she came out smelling if roses. It made ni sense to me as she was the one raging at me.

I have since met up with this therapist who said he could see it all way back then but there was no way to begin to explain. " besides you were not in a place where you might listen".

He was amazed that we got another 6 years out of our relationship.

pwBPD tend not to be totally honest during therapy. They hold a lot if stuff back and are overly concered with what others might think of them. So the show only their therapist what they are comfortable revealing.

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colt81522
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« Reply #54 on: December 17, 2011, 07:24:27 PM »

My BPD partner and I each started individual therapy last summer. She has since stopped going stating she doesn't "trust" the therapist - or anyone else for that matter. I have literally been begging her to go with me to couples therapy for months. She always comes up with some reason to delay it into the future.

My question is am I just wasting my time by trying to get her to start couples with me? I've read on other sites that NPD/BPD people usually don't do well in these settings because they lack insight, can't handle or express feelings, and refuse to take responsibility for their part in the problems of the relationship. I can see this might be so since my SO accuses me of being the crazy one. 
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« Reply #55 on: December 17, 2011, 07:42:15 PM »

The fact that your wife(?) always has a reason not to get therapy is not exactly a good sign that counseling would be effective.  If she does go then it may likely to get you fixed as she doesn't need fixing.  Don't be surprised if she views it as an opportunity to rage at you and try to get someone on her side.  One upside is several T's and MC's were willing to testify in my divorce and custody battle in ways that favored me.

While this was my experience your mileage may vary considerably. 
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« Reply #56 on: December 18, 2011, 02:46:14 AM »

HA!

I remember when I brought this up with my partner.

I had told (ex bf of 2/3 days ago) Josh about how I believed that to solve many of the co-dependancy issues with my mother that we would need to see a professional. explaining that the experiences my mother and i had shared were pretty huge so we were going to need something huge to get as out. i explained that our issues are similarly very massive and that we would need something massive to get out. i asked would he like to do therapy? his response - i think your issues with your mother are bigger.  |> I wish I had taken that red flag there... but I didn't know then what I do now. If he doesn't want to seek help for our relationship there was not much I could do. I simply brought up what I was doing with my mother to demonstrate that I was taking ownership for my problems. i was also disheartened because i had really been sensative to his feelings. i made the suggestion more as a question rather then telling him what to do.

colt, I am curious as to how the discussion to do therapy was brought up?

however, the work you have done in therapy i am sure has been very real.. and it's good that perhaps you sought help for yourself as an individual. Currently I am reading the Buddha & the Borderline by Kiera Van. Gelder.. it mentions something about Internal Family Systems Therapy. I am looking at doing it myself as an individual.. because I am always an individual in a relationship too. IFS might be worth googling, I am getting get the opinions from others on here about the subject. I found it a struggle to read some of the books of therapists at the start.. and have half-started most of them.. Josh found it difficult to express what he was feeling so to read a book by someone with BPD helped me to understand the pain that he was in. I also delighted and got addicted to watching some people with BPD on youtube. Once I came to understand the pain that he was, I also recognised the pain I was putting him in by staying in the relationship. Ultimately, I sought help for my self because I was able to have compassion for him. But yeah Kiera's book is awesome. I can't put it down.
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« Reply #57 on: December 18, 2011, 11:06:12 AM »

Don't be surprised if she views it as an opportunity to rage at you and try to get someone on her side.

This is what happened to me. He succeeded. It was a horrible experience. I was verbally abused in therapy, with the therapist's support and approval of that abuse -- therapist insisted that I was the one misbehaving because I kept pointing out that black-painting/projection things he said were simply not true. (for some reason it became more important to validate his feelings about those things than validate my feeling that I am not the devil) He broke the 'rules' of the therapy and punished me for things I said in therapy, kicked me out of our home in response to something I said in therapy, and the therapist was blase' about it and in fact I had to tell her that this was against the rules she'd set out for us at the first session.

The marriage counseling, and (I very strongly suspect) the individual therapy he does now have had very negative effects. All they've done is teach him more ways to justify his behavior and blame me, and frame abusing me and being crazy controlling as self-care.

It's not much different from DBPD MiL. It took several years for her therapist to figure out it was BPD. And during that time there was a fair amount of "I described this to my therapist, and she says you're (insert psychobabble for "bad" here) and I should (insert psychobabble for "treat you like dirt" here)."
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« Reply #58 on: December 18, 2011, 11:53:22 AM »

My question is am I just wasting my time by trying to get her to start couples with me? I've read on other sites that NPD/BPD people usually don't do well in these settings because they lack insight, can't handle or express feelings, and refuse to take responsibility for their part in the problems of the relationship.

When my uBPDh raged that he was "sick and tired of competing for my attention with our 5 year-old son," I made an appointment with a counselor the next day.  I was 6 months pregnant and couldn't reconcile bringing another child into this situation. 

All told, I think we have seen at least four different therapists, been to Marriage Encounter, and done twice as many group sessions as our Kaiser insurance plan allowed. At our last (and final) meeting with a (very, very good) therapist, he was asked to describe the traits he would want in an "ideal" wife. His answer was to say that I (his current, and actual wife) have a drinking problem, he would love to "help" me lose weight, and that he has always seen me as the type of person who picks up a friend, gets what she needs, and then drops the so-called friend.  He’s waiting for me to drop him.  (We’ve been married for 37 years.)

To say that counseling with him is hopeless is a bit of an understatement.  He defended his horrible, horrible comments by saying that he thought the purpose of our seeing the therapist together was so that he could help me.  ! 

A)   I don’t want or need his friggin’ help.

B)   You can see that counseling will only help a person who is open to needing help, and willing to face his/her own issues. 

My stupid soon-to-be-ex is an adult child of alcoholics.  In counseling, he feigned ignorance of Al-Anon.  Claimed to be unable to find a meeting to attend.  (There’s one in our neighborhood, about 10 blocks from our house.) 

I’m not telling you not to try.  There are people who actually claim to have recovered from borderline personality.  And I have no reason not to believe them.  But they absolutely must want to change.  More than anything else. 

If you decide to pursue couples counseling, my advice to you is to keep an open mind, and watch and listen carefully.  Clarify everything that is said, and make sure that the conversation is about the relationship.

Oh, and make sure that you have a really good therapist.  That means that the therapist should not ever take sides with either one of you.  The therapist’s role is to facilitate clear communication between the two of you about things that you cannot talk about on your own. 

Good luck.  There’s hope, but  IMO, it’s a long shot. 

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« Reply #59 on: December 18, 2011, 01:00:58 PM »

colt,

I have been on these forums regularly for four years. In that time I have never seen a post reporting that couples therapy was successful in any way. The posts above are pretty typical of what to expect. I've read one where after couples therapy, they went back to individual therapy, and the T told the Non that she was the one with BPD, not him!

Read the success story currently in the Staying board. It starts with you focusing on YOU. Keep your therapy separate.
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« Reply #60 on: December 18, 2011, 03:25:35 PM »

Thanks for your responses so far. And Puglover, you asked how I started the discussion of couples therapy. To be quite frank, I have had the discussion and asked so many times I can't even remember how it actually started. It probably was when we were in the heat of anger and craziness and it was brought up as something to try and "save" us.

The more I hear the more I think it will not work now. She takes no conscious responsibility for our issues. Everything was caused by me - I invalidated her, I abused her, I am the cause of her lack of self identity and her feeling of disempowerment. It's the "I hate you, don't leave me scenario." She tells me she's not sure if our relationship is going to work out on a regular basis while at the same time she is talking about us moving together to California where we have a second home. I realize I'm being controlled and manipulated - as well as lied to regularly about both big and seemingly insignificant things. One days she's hating me, the next she's telling me how sweet something I said to her was.

I thought a neutral 3rd party might act as some sort of buffer so we can straighten things out. But I also know she is a master manipulator and can charm the pants off of anyone so I understand the posts about the T accusing the Non of being crazy or abusive. I guess I'll just continue my own therapy for now and see where all this goes.
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« Reply #61 on: December 18, 2011, 04:34:27 PM »

If you've never tried it, Colt, it might be worth a shot.   ?  I don't want to appear to be talking out of both sides of my mouth. 

If you've seen that she never takes responsibility for anything, you may be able to save yourself the  trouble... In my case, the last time we went to "couples" therapy, he told our daughter that we were in therapy again.  He was all happy about it.  Then, when he blurts out all the things that were wrong about me, his claim was that he thought we were in therapy to help me.  As Bugs Bunny used to say, "oh, bruddah!" 

My other suggestion is to talk to you T about it.  S/he should be better able to advise you, as s/he has heard stories about your pwBPD, and must have some inkling about whether or not you two might be able to work it out.  Good luck, Colt.   
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« Reply #62 on: December 18, 2011, 04:37:09 PM »

Thanks for your responses so far. And Puglover, you asked how I started the discussion of couples therapy. To be quite frank, I have had the discussion and asked so many times I can't even remember how it actually started. It probably was when we were in the heat of anger and craziness and it was brought up as something to try and "save" us.

The more I hear the more I think it will not work now. She takes no conscious responsibility for our issues. Everything was caused by me - I invalidated her, I abused her, I am the cause of her lack of self identity and her feeling of disempowerment. It's the "I hate you, don't leave me scenario." She tells me she's not sure if our relationship is going to work out on a regular basis while at the same time she is talking about us moving together to California where we have a second home. I realize I'm being controlled and manipulated - as well as lied to regularly about both big and seemingly insignificant things. One days she's hating me, the next she's telling me how sweet something I said to her was.

I thought a neutral 3rd party might act as some sort of buffer so we can straighten things out. But I also know she is a master manipulator and can charm the pants off of anyone so I understand the posts about the T accusing the Non of being crazy or abusive. I guess I'll just continue my own therapy for now and see where all this goes.

Yeah I grew sick of the begging and decided that convincing him to keep trying in the relationship was massively degrading and completely unsexy. I won't be seen as the nagging wife anymore if when I ask to my partner if he wants to see a therapist to work on the relationsio and he says no and can't think of any healthy alternative.. i'm out. wow, i think i have discovered a standard. nice :P now to stick to it. congratulations for taking responsibility of your issues.. you deserve to have someone who can do the same in the relationship. i'm so sorry that he was so hurtful and could not do this for you... it must be a massive whack to the head and disappointing. The thing is I have learnt that I cannont validate my ex every hour like he needs it is draining. most people have like 2 moods a day.. and i only have to validate those. but he has like 10 moods. people are unable to always validate you all the time.. also because not all of them have time.. eg. the bus driver has a job to do! learning self vaildation is key. This is very important for me because I did not receive that as a child and have grown dependant on the constant validation of others of my feelings. this is very dangous. it is nice to have somebodie's validatin but consider it a bonus to understanding in the communication rather than a need. but at the same time rememember how good it feels when others do it for you so you feel motivated to do the same. best of luck sounds like you are doing great.
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« Reply #63 on: December 18, 2011, 04:40:23 PM »

I thought a neutral 3rd party might act as some sort of buffer so we can straighten things out.

Ah you were thinking of relying on logic.

If you W is prone to splitting and b/w thinking there is no such thing as a neutral 3rd party in her mind.  As I noted above my X always tried to get the T or MC to see things completely her way.  Often it worked for a little while and X was happy.  Then they all tended to see things my way the X always determined the were incompetent and fired them, often in a rage.
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« Reply #64 on: December 18, 2011, 04:55:33 PM »

What is your goal with couples therapy?  If your partner is BPD, you are both better off learning skills individually before coming together.  MC with an untreated pwBPD is not recommended - a pwBPD naturally will triangulate the therapist and unless the therapist is using the High Conflict Couple approach, the results are not great.

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« Reply #65 on: December 18, 2011, 05:43:07 PM »

What is your goal with couples therapy?  If your partner is BPD, you are both better off learning skills individually before coming together.  MC with an untreated pwBPD is not recommended - a pwBPD naturally will triangulate the therapist and unless the therapist is using the High Conflict Couple approach, the results are not great.

I'm realizing that. I guess my concern is that she is now not in ANY type of therapy and is placing ALL blame on me. At the same time she is taking advantage of my wanting to save the relationship by playing into my own issues (FOG). I realize I also need to adress my own issues individually. I thought that if we went to therapy together at least we were working on our relationship instead of avoiding the things between us that need to be discussed.
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« Reply #66 on: December 18, 2011, 05:57:33 PM »

What is your goal with couples therapy?  If your partner is BPD, you are both better off learning skills individually before coming together.  MC with an untreated pwBPD is not recommended - a pwBPD naturally will triangulate the therapist and unless the therapist is using the High Conflict Couple approach, the results are not great.

I'm realizing that. I guess my concern is that she is now not in ANY type of therapy and is placing ALL blame on me. At the same time she is taking advantage of my wanting to save the relationship by playing into my own issues (FOG). I realize I also need to adress my own issues individually. I thought that if we went to therapy together at least we were working on our relationship instead of avoiding the things between us that need to be discussed.

Perhaps pick up a copy of High Conflict Couple - it doesn't mention BPD and it might help give each of you some tools.

My experience with MC was...it prolonged the inevitable. The goal of MC was to keep us together; as such, my pwBPD would change the rules there just like at home.  I spent a lot of the time lost and feeling somewhat defensive with both of them. What MC did do for me was give me the peace of mind that I did everything that I could to save the marriage.

Keep practicing the staying board lessons, it does help. 
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« Reply #67 on: December 18, 2011, 06:12:45 PM »

Hey!  I just had an epiphany, Colt.  I am reading an ebook called The Other Side of BPD.  It's written by A.J. Mahari, who was BPD, and successfully completed therapy so that she can now say that she's recovering.  I'm finding this ebook to offer me some really important insights about ME -- why I bought into this r/s in the first place, how I've been walled in, and why, as a non, I have the ability to walk OUT.  It's been very freeing. 

Here's a link to the book: www.phoenixrisingpublications.ca/item.php?itemId=39&category=13

(I think I'm allowed to do this here... If not, mods, sorry!)
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« Reply #68 on: January 06, 2012, 07:58:56 PM »

I wasn't married to my ex, but I certainly intended to be. In every (emotional) respect I was as committed to her as if married and fought to the bitter end.

We attended relate (an MC service in the UK.) It was just after my Mother had died, she set the first appointment for the day of the funeral as she didn't think we'd stay long.

During MC (or rather RC) I heard so much changing of history and projection it was overwhelming. I was virtually speechless, I fell back into confusion and shame.

After the meeting she told me how much of her personal history she had deleted since it would have taken far too long (she has a very long history or anorexia, PD, drugs and general experience with mental health services)

I think if it ever reaches the point that things have become so disregulated that MC or RC just won't work under the traditional model.
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« Reply #69 on: January 07, 2012, 02:37:58 PM »

Well, I don't know if this is is good or bad but my BPDSOgf has finally agreed to go to couples therapy. For over 6 months she has refused (passive aggressively rather than overtly). Suddenly she agreed to one of my frequent requests. It actually caught me off guard. This is not going to be traditional weekly couples therapy. It's a workshop given over the course of a 3 day weekend. I proposed going to one they offered in July hoping to get her used to the idea but she said, "Why wait? They have one the end of January so let's go." It's supposed to be the equivilent of 3-6 months of weekly therapy. Also the focus of the therapy is not blame. It's a form of therapy called Imago. I know DBT would be preferable but, at this point, I am hopeful that she has agreed to ANY type. And, so far, she hasn't wavered. She still wants to go.

I am cautiously optimistic for the first time in a long time.
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« Reply #70 on: January 16, 2012, 06:02:49 AM »

I'm the daughter of a uNPD/BPD mother. I'm mostly on the 'Coping with relatives' Board. 

At 39 I have a lot of BPD fleas myself and have found it really difficult to enter and sustain healthy relationships. I've spent 2 out of the 3 years I've been with my current boyfriend in couples therapy. It has been incredibly expensive but we both work full-time and we have pooled resources to afford this. I feel incredibly lucky and privileged that he has stuck with me through my recovery from a lot of BPD-like behaviours and an anger management problem.

We don't yet live together, I had too many issues to exist with that level of day-in, day-out intimacy. We are working towards that. I could not have coped with marriage when I was younger, it would have ended in divorce. I am glad we have done all this work living mostly apart. I had a very abusive childhood and easily feel crowded and claustrophobic.

I'd say what has been key to saving our relationship is a therapist who doesn't fall for my cr*p but, at the same time, she has allowed me to cry and rage in therapy and given me a safe space to do so. She has also given my boyfriend the space to have his say and air his own feelings - which I was not giving him the space to do, nor was I listening to him.

Maybe what is different about me and many full-on PD'd people is that I desperately want to change, and I am totally committed to making my relationship a healthy one. I was just well enough to respond to couples therapy but only just. I am also forking out money for my own therapist as well. There is still a lot of damage from my childhood, adolescence and young adulthood to fix.

I think marriage counselling often fails as marriage itself is such a massive thing to enter into if your emotional health is not good. My BPD mother should not have got married and had kids, she was not fit to do so. Counselling cannot make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

If one of you has a serious mental illness (and full blown BPD is a serious illness) how can you expect an intervention to work that is designed for relatively healthy people?

Annie
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« Reply #71 on: January 17, 2012, 09:41:15 AM »

After I meet with his therapist.

Her words, "What was I wanting out of this relationship, because SO is unable to give anything to the relationship.  He is not capable of being part of the relationship, and he has quite a road ahead of him."

Marriage counseling is for the marriage, but they have to be ready to have a relationship, most BPD's aren't.
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« Reply #72 on: February 08, 2012, 01:41:55 PM »

Well believe it or not, my SO wife, would like to try "intense/private marriage counseling" as a last resort.  She knows things are ugly, but she still refuses to look at herself for one minute.

I have seen on the boards that marriage counseling often doesn't seem to work with BPD. We tried briefly, but shortly thereafter she admitted herself to a women's substance and abuse facility that did absolutely nothing for her/us except making things worse.  She is not an alcoholic and doesn't touch drugs, and they told her "nothing is wrong with her."   She found the place herself, didn't consult with me, and just left the next day for 30 days.  Oh, and somebody stole her wedding ring to boot.   She left for this treatment center because she didn't know what was going on with her and she was "beating her husband."  (After many rages including spitting, yelling, breaking my finger, my ulna (on diff occasion), other physical abuse, screaming, tantrums, breaking a few computers, mirrors, the usual BPD stuff, etc, etc).

Anyway, are there any resources that may combine marriage counseling with a BPD specialist?   Is this common? 

Once she found out I was looking at a BPD specialist at Hopkins and she had a complete fit on me (I said I was thinking of this person for me...).    It would love for a counselor bring these issues out and talk to her/us about them and address them together.  I feel this is the only way this marriage will last and even if it doesn't, I feel she will continue on with life with the same patterns of broken relationships, mistrust of everyone, and never address the real, unresolved issues from her childhood and young adult life.




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« Reply #73 on: February 10, 2012, 02:00:23 PM »

Hi PA_Someday,

a possible plan and in order for it to work I would seek out someone specializing in CBT and/or DBT who also offers MC. But please forgive me for being skeptical. It may pay to follow me here closely as details matter, attitudes matter, expectations matter and ability to cope matter a lot and knowing where the challenges are may help to overcome them...

Well believe it or not, my SO wife, would like to try "intense/private marriage counseling" as a last resort.  She knows things are ugly, but she still refuses to look at herself for one minute.

So this is going to work - "intensive"? Refusing to look at herself and counseling? PwBPD are very sensitive and the challenge to look at themselves usually overwhelms them. You also have the attitude that she needs to look at herself. Which if it happens leads to dysregulation and if it does not happen soon leads to your disappointment. DBT starts with validation and building a relationship between T and pwBPD which does encompass validation of the pwBPD and their reality - a fairly distorted one. Not sure you have, with your opinion of her having to look at herself, the distance to stomach that (besides what good would it do to you or the relationship).

I have seen on the boards that marriage counseling often doesn't seem to work with BPD. We tried briefly, but shortly thereafter she admitted herself to a women's substance and abuse facility that did absolutely nothing for her/us except making things worse.  She is not an alcoholic and doesn't touch drugs, and they told her "nothing is wrong with her."   She found the place herself, didn't consult with me, and just left the next day for 30 days.  Oh, and somebody stole her wedding ring to boot.   She left for this treatment center because she didn't know what was going on with her and she was "beating her husband."  (After many rages including spitting, yelling, breaking my finger, my ulna (on diff occasion), other physical abuse, screaming, tantrums, breaking a few computers, mirrors, the usual BPD stuff, etc, etc).

Did nothing? During that time did you get beat? Did things not calm down a little? Distance can sometimes help.

Anyway, are there any resources that may combine marriage counseling with a BPD specialist?   Is this common?  

Once she found out I was looking at a BPD specialist at Hopkins and she had a complete fit on me (I said I was thinking of this person for me...).    It would love for a counselor bring these issues out and talk to her/us about them and address them together.  I feel this is the only way this marriage will last and even if it doesn't, I feel she will continue on with life with the same patterns of broken relationships, mistrust of everyone, and never address the real, unresolved issues from her childhood and young adult life.

Talking and being sensible does not help much. The pwBPD is running into problems when she is not sensible i.e. dysregulated. To deal with that one needs intensive training and time. We can help a little with regulation by validation  and we can make sure with boundaries that their problems stay where they belong. Sounds hard but helps them to see who has caused them in the first place. And by this often help them not to project their problems on us and enable them to regulation. Boundaries are absolutely key when it comes to DV. Not just to protect yourself - and it sounds like you have a real need here - but to improve emotional regulation on the other side and preventing the worst from happening.

Working together sounds find until you realize that it can easily, very easily lead to blurring the boundaries. Working together on your respective personal boundaries is not a good idea - how can you discuss with your wife what your values are and where you should draw the line in the sand and how you will protect yourself if she steps over? Undermines the exercise (note: I not saying boundaries should be secret here, but the process is private).

You have a DV problem which is almost always a sign of weak boundaries. Separation of stuff is very important for you. Please check out this workshop: US: Dealing with Enmeshment and Codependence and this workshop:    

BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence
.



Of course you can play tactical game, find a T who has a clue about BPD and does MC and then you get totally upset about the T and dropping out leaving your wife the trophy of a T  Smiling (click to insert in post) and getting your own one to get back to her (validating her feeling there are conflicts   ).
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« Reply #74 on: February 10, 2012, 02:15:47 PM »

High Conflict Couple is a book that uses DBT skills without bringing up BPD.  If you found a MC that has some experience with working from that model it might be helpful.

The workshops suggested by An0ught will be quite valuable.

Peace,

SB
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