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Author Topic: Is there a high suicide rate amongst family members of people with BPD?  (Read 1812 times)
sisi

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« on: December 06, 2012, 12:17:05 PM »

My mother in law has BPD and both her brother and mother commited suicide.

My husband has also told me that he tried to kill himself when he was a kid. (very young actually)

I was wondering: does this happen more often, that they just make you so desperate that the only way out is killing yourself?
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GeekyGirl
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« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2012, 09:50:13 AM »

I'm not sure if there are any statistics on the link between children of BPD parents and suicide, but it's possible. Many children of BPD parents are at risk for anxiety and depression.

Has your husband said anything recently about suicide that has made you wonder about this?
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« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2012, 11:51:27 AM »

I became very depressed when I moved back in with my mum after I graduated, I even had to go on anti depressants. My stepfather is also depressive and I suspect that is also a result of being married to my mother.

I mean it's hard not to be, they isolate you from friends/ boyfriends, manipulate you, tell you awful things then accuse you of being insane for telling them they said them a few days later. They also try to wear down your self worth so you can't leave them. I can imagine some people would be driven to suicide... .
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« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2012, 04:00:02 PM »

Having a family member, like a parent, with a mental illness that is severe enough there are suicide attempts has huge effects on the children and partners.  Depression isn't uncommon among family members if the environment is dysfunctional (check out the relationship boards we have many members who have dealt with it).  If I can find the stats ill post them.  I was reading that suicide completion in a family was correlated to increased risk to other family members.  Now the why's weren't brought up in detail because there are many factors like heredity link to certain mental illnesses, environmental, learned behavior etc.  It wasn't a BPD specific study. 

In one study on 5000 twins BPD was found to have a 42% genetic component and 58% environmental.  And people suffering with BPD have higher rates of suicide.

It could be both higher incidence of suicide, predisposition to the disorder, or dealing with other mental health issues like depression. 

It's a very sad situation.
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sisi

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« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2012, 06:53:56 AM »

My mother in law has BPD and both her brother and her mother commited suicide. (her mother at the age of 74, after a visit from my MIL)

My husband told me earlier this week that he tried to slit his wrists when he was a kid because he couldn't cope with his family situation. He didn't succeed, but I was wondering if there is a higher suicide rate amongst familymembers of people with BPD.

I know that I would have killed myself years ago, had I had the mother that my husband has.

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Wanda
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« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2012, 10:39:24 AM »

most suicide  attempts are with the BP's not their family,that i know of, i could be wrong.

i also know lots of kids who tried cutting their wrist to avoid pain...

i am going to say suicide are popular with BPs.

other family member could have something going on...   my MIL i beleive has BPD i deal with her alot now, more then with my husband i think it is her age but she doesn't know about BPD. but knows something is wrong due to she takes meds for a personality disorder.

i stay away from her as much as possible. Hope this helps  

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Cloudy Days
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« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2012, 11:10:02 AM »

My husband's father committed suicide when he was a teen, I think he was also a Borderline and one of the main reasons my husband is Borderline. He doesn't talk about the bad stuff much, it's like he has blocked it out. My husband's grandmother also sort of killed herself, she was a diabetic and drank herself into a coma. I also know that his uncle on his fathers side and his son (my husband's cousin) also killed themselfs. His cousin really hit my husband hard, They both went through similar things with their father's. He saw himself in him. I think more or less, there is some mental illness in my husband's family and it just keeps getting carried on. My husband has said so many times, it's in his genes, why fight it. I honestly don't know how many times he has tried as he always keeps it from me until after it didn't work. I can count at least 4 times in the last 8 years that I know of. This is one of the things that made me open my eyes to what he is feeling. He also tried at a young age before his father killed himself. I can imagine how it affected him when his father died, it would have been like a multiplyer for his borderline behavior. He was even accused sevral times of killing his own father at 15. Can you even imagine? I could really keep going on how much his family really screwed him up but I think most of you can relate.
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« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2012, 07:29:33 PM »

My uBPDh's nephew committed suicide at the age of 19.  His mother (my H's sister) definitely has a personality disorder, I'm just not sure if she's BPD or histrionic.  The nephew didn't show any symptoms that I could see, but he could have been BPD, as I didn't know him very well.  I have never considered suicide but I can see how if someone were isolated from a support system and emotionally tortured by a pwBPD it might cause them to be severely depressed, perhaps to the point of considering suicide.

Daylily
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« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2012, 07:58:53 PM »

I am sure someone who may be prone to this would be at far greater risk if they were subjected to a home life of extra pressure, bullying and general invalidation. Imagine someone who was depressed because of school or workplace bullying came home to a partner or parents who were no better, then that could easily push potential into actuality as there was no escape.
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« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2012, 08:19:35 PM »

Intergenerational transmission isn't unheard of due to attachment problems that get handed down from each generation... .Some cultures and families have higher incidences. It's very sad when you think about how painful their lives must feel to want to end them.

My heart goes out to all who are impacted 
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« Reply #10 on: December 20, 2012, 12:03:09 AM »

Having an abusive parent, even if only emotionally abusive, is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, so my guess would be yes. It's the one relationship that's supposed to be loving and nurturing.
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« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2012, 09:23:09 AM »

I think it makes sense, though it might be in a roundabout way like "people with abusive family members are more likely to commit suicide, and pwBPD are more likely to be abusive, therefore people with family members with BPD are more likely to commit suicide."

I know both my younger sister and I have been suicidal at points in our lives, and so has BPDmom. Mom says it's because we're "genetically depressed." I hate that because, though mental illness does have a genetic component, saying that makes it sound like there's just nothing you can do about it.

I'd like to think that I can recover and NOT be depressed, if I work at it.
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« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2012, 02:48:44 AM »

This topic is the reason that I logged into bpdfamily tonight. This past year has been excruciatingly painful for me, and as I reflect why, my mother comes to mind in almost every case.

I have begun to see a therapist but the answers that I get from her actually make me more depressed. My life has gotten to the point that there doesn't seem to be a way out other than killing myself. I've taken to drinking a bottle of wine each night just to get a buzz and feel good about myself. My life is slowly slipping out if control and I don't know what to so. I wish my mother would just pass away in her sleep.

Today I was told I'm a horrible son and was screamed at because I couldn't tell her how many Christmas cookies she should give our neighbor. Christmas was horrible, as she was in a FOUL mood all day because her dog wouldn't sit next to her on the couch. Every single day it's something new... .if there's nothing wrong on a particular day, she just makes something up to be upset about.

I don't know what to do folks. I just don't know what to do.

I get screamed at and have to hear sob stories of how lonely she is every single time I leave the house. God forbid I don't come home from work on my lunch hour... .and I've stopped going out with friends at all on the weekends. It's easier to spend time at home listening to mother's problem of the day than it is to be with friends, feeling anxious and nauseous about what kind of treatment I'll receive when I get home.

Therapist says that she'll never change. I don't have the heart to go NC because she is legitimately physically disabled and wouldn't be able to financially live on her own. For some reason God, if he really exists, has tied me to this wretched, horrible woman for at least the test of her life. I've already watched half of my twenties and all of my teen years disappear before my eyes, as I've been the "parent" since I was about 13.

I'll take any advice and prayers that anyone has to offer, and I apologize for high jacking this thread.
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sisi

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« Reply #13 on: December 29, 2012, 06:00:38 AM »

Hi,

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. As i said before, I have a husband who has been feeling exactly like you for many, many years.

I don't know what advice to give to you, because it took me soo long to get my husband to feel better about himself and get his own life and I don't know if I could do that for you on a long distance.

But I think a good beginning is to write to us here, on this post, because many people here are in the same situation and sometimes, we all just need to vent and write stuff down so that it's off of our chest.

I wish you the best of luck and lots of strenght and will send some positive vibes your way.

Ss
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sisi

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« Reply #14 on: December 29, 2012, 06:15:48 AM »

Hi,

I have a mother in law with BPD and my husband is going through a difficult time right now, because he's starting to remember some of the horrible things his mum did to him when he was a kid. The big problem is, that he has heard about 15 versions of his childhood that his mum just makes up as she goes and as she sees convenient for her manipulations. So we are trying to get in touch with other family members to try and reconstruct his childhood.

There is one issue, though: her brother commited suicide when he was around twenty years old and her mother commited suicide a couple of years ago, when she was 73. Her father has also passed away a couple of years ago, so we don't have anyone left to ask about how she was when she was a kid. Since you all have children with BPD, you know what it's like and perhaps you can help us to have an idea about what it was like for her parents to deal with her. Because all we hear about them are some very questionable and changeable stories about how awful they were to her, while if you look a the facts, they have actually been very supportive of her. They even gave her money when they were retired and she was married with a wealthy guy and had a job herself, so they can't have been that selfish.

Also I was wondering if commiting suicide is something that has happened in your families as well. I know that my husband tried it once as a kid and has been thinking about it very often when he was younger and I just wonder if that's also common: that you feel like you just can't cope anymore.

Thanks for your replies!
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« Reply #15 on: December 29, 2012, 08:19:01 AM »

Hello Dear sisi     ,

You ask very serious questions.  Are you worried that someone you love might be having thoughts of taking his life?  Do you have children of your own?  If so how old are they and are there any signs of inherited behavioral issues or are they presently fine?  You seem like a very caring person who looks at the big picture.  Your husband has had a rough time of it- it sounds like.  He is fortunate to have such a wonderful wife such as you.  I hope your other family members are of some help to you.

 

wtsp
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sisi

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« Reply #16 on: December 30, 2012, 02:56:08 AM »

Thank you for your reply.

I am not worried my husband will take his own life. Not at all. He's now at that point where he understands that he is not the problem, but she is.

That's not an easy thing to accept, but it's still easier than living with this constant guilt, wondering what you did wrong.

We're just trying to reconstruct his childhood, so that he can see how things really were. So he can see that not everyone exept his mother hated him etc. (she really isolated her children from the outside world. Never had visitors or friends and telling the most awful things about family members)

He is a wonderful person and everybody sees that, but he still feels like everyone hates him or thinks he is a weirdo or ugly or stupid or... .

And that's the thing I would love to help him with. Just to build up some self esteem.

Thank you for your concern, though.

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« Reply #17 on: December 30, 2012, 10:44:52 AM »

Yes, there's been at least one suicide in the family that I know about for certain.  I strongly suspect that there were others. :'(
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« Reply #18 on: January 01, 2013, 06:26:03 AM »

My mom's family has a long history of suicides.  She and her sisters lived in constant fear that their father would kill himself, after his mother hung herself.  There wasn't much said about her, except Grandma didn't like her - she was too dramatic and liked to cause trouble.  Almost all Granddad's brothers and sisters killed themselves in one way or another when my mom was growing up.  Mom and a sister are verrrry BPD.  So is my sister.  Mom always threatened to leave, and she threatened to kill herself so much, the threat lost its sting. 
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