I need advice ASAP... Heard from her do not know what to do...

[ufoureah]

Today marks 6 weeks of being broken up

I am seriously done

iam moving on... .

NC for 8 days no regret no anxiety having fun with friends

several of her friends have seen me out this wekend. I was fine said hello had fun... no drama

I still have 1 towel ... 3 drawing books that mean nothing at her house

I laughed for the first time at work had fun... .

I AM BACK! Hallelujah... saw pictures of her on the newsfeed on facebook because of mutual friends... she was wasted... .

OMG thanks to all of you I am doing great... .

My phone rings at `10:25PM

I have a special ring on my phone for her calls

I almost flipped. my heart almost skipped a beat. iam shaking like a leaf...

She leaves a message... it does not even sound like her... .

Hello

the holiday is here and I want to give you your things

(I mean she lives in a 4000 square foot home, she can put the stuff in her basement/garage) I would like tpo bring it by and leave it on your porch. Please call me or email me... .tomorrow...

What the hell do i do?

I do not want to talk to her

I do not want to email her

I want nothing to do with her...

What do i do?

and why is she doing this now?

does she want to get a rise out of me?

She isnt even going to be home this weekend... she said she was going to her daughter 4oo miles away... .

What do i do?

Iam mortified... what is she doing?

[2010]

Why are you mortified? She wants to return your things. If they mean nothing to you- then text her and say to dispose of them. She is extending a common courtesy- and you are also going to reply with common courtesy. Simple. Done deal. The end.

[oor_wullie]

i had something similar. my BPD left me about two months ago - flat dumped me out of the blue, telling me i'd lied to her, that i was bad for her, horrible accusaions (all untrue), the usual BPD stuff.

after about six weeks she emails me - very like the message you got. very calm and cold and seemingly rational. she wants to "warn" me that she has to attend a meeting that i may be attending too. a "warning" - like you, i had no idea what it meant. it hurt me, scared me and reminded me of her. it was also cold - the opposite of course of the way she had been with me - again, classic stuff. i ignored the hell out of it - didn't reply, didn't go to the meeting.

i write a blog, and the funny thing was that, on the run-up to that meeting that she'd warned me about, i could tell from the webstats (i don't get many visitors ) that she was reading it more and more, and on that day she read/checked the blog 5 times before the meeting and right afterwards.

somewhere, in their heads, this is some form of significant communication. it's part of their way of controlling us.

shortly afterwards she reacted in an *extreme* way to a piece of fiction i'd written in my blog, deciding i was serious about what i'd written (it was about drunk driving, something i'd never do) and attacking me in an email for being crazy and stupid. this girl was the one who wanted no contact with me  - she broke us up, and she had no reason to get in touch - and yet she did, but in a nasty, controlling way.

you should ignore the message if you can, and block her calls from now on. if not, tell her you don't want the stuff and to throw it out - but nothing more, one line in a text.

she's trying to get under your skin - it's a game, don't play.

[Butterfly03]

Dont play into the BPD game... .

they usually take the "nice" approach first and utilise something well anything thay can to make contact or an excuse to keep contact... .

I wouldnt even reply and keep a STRICT NC with your ex... .

You said you laughed for the first time in a long time at work today... .now think about it HOW GOOD DID YOU FEEL while you were laughing? How good does it feel to be "FREE"?

Forget about your things and get on with your life like you have in a positive way... .

I walked away from my exBPDbf and everything that I possesed (furniture, tv's, stereo etc etc) apart from my clothes... .they were materialistic things that can be replaced your happiness and health is more important... .

STAY STRONG I KNOW IT IS HARD KEEP A STRICT NC!

butterfly 

[GlennT]

The mortified feeling is similar to like prey feels when the predator approaches once again( Should I run, or just give up and let my predator eat my heart since they are back again). You have been a victim who is surviving! You have a form of PTSD. The residual effects of her cruelty. She is testing your strength as a victim who survived. NC is your strength! Living the rest of your life well is your best revenge... .somehow I think you already know this. You are NOT her victim any longer. You are a being a Hero to your heart and to us. Protect it!   

[Blwnaway]

I have a couch set at the home of my exBPDgf.  She initially told me that she would keep it in safekeeping for me and that it was there whenever I wanted to come get it.  I don't have any room or use for it at my place, so she knows that would be something that would maintain some sort of tie between us.  I messaged her the other day and asked her if she wanted to purchase it.  Simple question, right?  Well, she says that she needs some time to think about it.  Huh?  I offered her a steal of a price.  She tells me that she'll get back to me on Wednesday (tomorrow) and let me know what she wants to do.

I have a sneaking suspicion that although she could use it, she's going to say that she does not wish to purchase it and that she will keep it for me whenever I want it.  Honestly, if that's the case, I intend to tell her that she can have it... .that's how much I want (and need) to have absolutely no ties to her.  I want to be DONE... .and move on.  I'm new at this game but I suggest you do the same, my friend.  The things of yours that she has are insignificant.  Don't even bother responding... .  If anything, you will have some sort of pride knowing that you don't really care... .and it will likely drive her nuts, too... .

[cretehead]

Hey uf, Man,do I remember the first time she came back, I was shaking seeing her name come up on my phone after 4 months no word from her, than 2nd time after another 2 months, than another 2 months, do you really want to be on that train? No way, think of how this whole situation makes you feel, they are like a drug, hang in there my friend.

[innerspirit]

Today marks 6 weeks of being broken up

I am seriously done

iam moving on... .

NC for 8 days no regret no anxiety having fun with friends

several of her friends have seen me out this wekend. I was fine said hello had fun... no drama

I still have 1 towel ... 3 drawing books that mean nothing at her house

I laughed for the first time at work had fun... .

I AM BACK! Hallelujah... saw pictures of her on the newsfeed on facebook because of mutual friends... she was wasted... .

OMG thanks to all of you I am doing great... .

Let the tree fall in the woods.  It's a boundary thing -- just because your X had the thought and acted on it, doesn't mean it has to disrupt you.

Easier said than done, I know, but I think it helps to think about it from a more objective distance.  If it's just a towel and 3 drawing books that mean nothing, then write it off.  SHE's the one who is contriving a way to be in touch.  You don't have to play.

Simply go on with your life and enjoy the fact that you're having fun again -- don't give her (her voicemail message) the power to change that.

x

This Thanksgiving, join us in giving thanks for this community and for the path to recovery.

And be patient with yourself -- it hasn't been that long.  Even the fact that you're questioning it, posting about it, means that you're on the road to healing.

[lostoc]

I have read a lot of your replies and your threads over the last while, and I want to recommend you seek a therapist. You're not in a good place right now and an internet forum like this isn't going to help you get the closure or actual help you may need. I can't suggest it enough, just go for a few sessions.

[ufoureah]

This was the verbatim massage she left on my voicemail...

I appreciate you wonderful people, being here for me and I am sorry i am probably overwhelming the board with my anxiety... Iam new at this and I am obviously not ready... But I know that if I did not study and had not studied all your hell you have been thru I would have been emailing and texting and harassing my ex. I also would have niot been ablre to hold NC. I also would think she wanted me back every time she contacted me... so thank you so much for that... .

I did imply I wanted to be friends with her in the near future by sending her a blank card and writing a little blurp about that... she emailed last week that she wasnt ready to be my friend... .I have kept NC  and then she called  last night... .

This is the verbatim message I got... .

Hey D. it's E. its ah  Monday night about 10 O clock em

So,  I am getting ready for the holiday and thinking I would like to get this last bag of things including your our 1 (dog) towel and your art books and so forth emm back to you and emm

not sure if you will be in town or  If I should leave them at your house  on your porch  either way is good. emmm

If you could give me a call or email me and let me know sometime tommorrow will be great

Thanks

Bye

so my initial reaction normally would have been to call back in 10 minutes ... .and speak to her... on this board I have learned no no no ... .I get myself into so much trouble since she is a talker she is inquisitive and I have no clue about boundaries... iam reading and learning... .

Like I said before several of her very close friends saw me out and about at 2 events in town and I look great I Have many friends and I was happy. Doing great... I really am... .But her calling me freaks me out I am a wreck!

So here we are almost 12 hours later and I am not calling or emailing or giving her her power back... .

I am taking my power back... .I think Iam ... .am I

I kind of feel bad because I am a very responsible person and she knows I have a computer (blackberry storm in my pocket and I usually respond instantly. The message I am trying to send is:

1. you are not my number 1 and I will or will not respond to you... .

2. Do what you need to do... .if you drop the stuff of that is fine or throw it all away. she has a 4000 square foot house and it can all stay in her basement for not taking up zero or no space. she had her ex'es kayak and furniture and clothes there for months until I made a stink and wanted it shipped back to AZ.

And at the same time I know she has a therapy appt on Tuesdays from 12 to 1PM

Do I call and leave her a message... and what do I say? I do not think it's a good idea,, but should I not be courteous?

I still have a few of her things and they are precious... Her family History book,  Greek praying beads for mer ex husbands family. and a dogbowl she thought was mine.

I need to give her her stuff.

How do I go about this without minimal contact. maybe mail it? will that send the message?

I am doing well without hearing her voice which was phoney and so creepy to me...

So if she decides to email me... she will get a vacation responder... .

that is headed...

Off to Napa and San Fran, then down to the Equator... .which is all true.

If you have received this email you obviously did not get the new email address.

If you feel I have overlooked you accidently, please call the new phone number so that I can include you.

Other than that... .

If you have an emergency, dial 911.

If you wish to speak to an operator, press or say 'zero'.

If you want to save a lot of money on your car insurance, contact GEICO.

If you have information which may lead to an arrest in the murder case of Jon Benet Ramsey, contact the Colorado Springs Sheriff's Department.

If you know the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden or other known terrorists, contact the United States Department of Defense.

If you know who shot J.R., contact the Dallas Police Department.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, call ... .The A-Team.

For all other questions or concerns that really matter, I will occassionally check this email box and will respond accordingly.

Happy Holidays and a glorious 2011

What do you think?

And I am in therapy once a week. except for this week because of the holiday...

Iam doing 100% better...

Just have not a clue what to do with this... I want to avoid that hook everyone else has been talking about

Thank you for your time and experience

[nick212]

I'm sorry this might sound stern, but "Run and don't look back" ignore her.  You can't save her.

[Hazelnut]

IGNORE. DO NOT REPLY. Let her figure out what to do with the stuff.

She could mail your stuff to you; you could mail hers. That's what I did-- priority mail the day after the break-up. No note, just the stuff. She could leave it on your porch but she wants to test you.

NO CONTACT means just that... .not "unless she sends you a random text about something non-essential."

[innerspirit]

If you have received this email you obviously did not get the new email address.

If you feel I have overlooked you accidently, please call the new phone number so that I can include you.

Other than that... .

If you have an emergency, dial 911.

If you wish to speak to an operator, press or say 'zero'.

If you want to save a lot of money on your car insurance, contact GEICO.

If you have information which may lead to an arrest in the murder case of Jon Benet Ramsey, contact the Colorado Springs Sheriff's Department.

If you know the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden or other known terrorists, contact the United States Department of Defense.

If you know who shot J.R., contact the Dallas Police Department.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, call ... .The A-Team.

And if you need to hear all of this in espagnol, press numero 2.

This is funny stuff, U4 -- great that you posted it here.  Thanks!  Let this be the place where you share your feelings and your wit!

IGNORE. DO NOT REPLY. Let her figure out what to do with the stuff.

She could leave it on your porch but she wants to test you.

NO CONTACT means just that... .not "unless she sends you a random text about something non-essential."

I agree. 

And I would say only if she contacts you about getting her stuff back, then mail it to her -- no explanatory note, just keep it "strictly business."

Don't look for ways to keep the drama going -- NC is behavior modification, it's to break the habit of obsessing about the X, to break the need of having "mental" contact with them even if actual contact.  We've all been there -- I promise it gets better.

Keep posting here.

[Empowered]

Your stuff - Send the message - Toss It Thanks!

Her stuff - box it and mail it without a word.  Or better yet you could send a message with her stuff in note form saying anything you have of mine please discard.  Nothing more.  No niceties just plain facts.  Hopefully if she just gets a box of her stuff back without contact that she will begin to see that you mean business.  

Good luck!    

[ufoureah]

She knows I work every M T W and work 12 hour shifts. She also knows that my 85 year old dad is visiting this time of the year and he is home with my dogs... She sau=id she loves him and wants to keep a relationship with him... .

She came over to my house, eventhough I live 20 minutes away. rang the doorbell and eventhough i told my dad to NOT open the door , he looked thru the peephole and opened the door anyway...

Iam furious! he didnt say a word she pointed at the bag and walked away...

She still has some of my stuff and do not give a rats ass. But she even returned a box of tea that she bought for me... .

What is she thinking? I did not say a word I am still maintaining NC but I had a good cry... I know it's over... I have to move on... .

What is she doing... I have not shown her any emotions... What do I do with her stuff?

There is an important family heirloom included that she gave me.

I cannot believe she just showed up at my house 12 hours after I got the phonecall and I did not respond

What do you make of this>?

Did I loose my power when my dad opened the door?

[2010]

I know it's over... I have to move on... .

Good.

[Empowered]

She just wants to reel you in again.  You didn't lose anything cause you didn't see her or talk to her.  You are doing the right thing.  Keep on the path, however difficult.  It will definitely pay off in the end.   x

[ufoureah]

I want to kill her with kindness.

I have a note saved in draft... do I send it?

Hey you,

I got the stuff, thank you.

If I knew you were coming over I would have left your things out there for you.

Whose towel is that?

Oh no! the saga of the towel that nobody wanted continues... .

I thought I had some of the big blue towels in the cubbard, I guess not.

I will dispose of it

The big art pad that is left at the house has an "almost done" picture I had started for you.

Do with it what you like

Hope you are doing well.

Enjoy Turkey day

With love

D... .


I wailed like a child who has lost there mother til the wee hours of the night... I know it means nothing... but I would feel better if I wrote a note like that... .

What do you think...

I am happy we are over but so sad that it is at the same time... .G':) it hurts

[Blwnaway]

Do what you have to do regarding exchanging things and leave it at that.  We all know that if you think about it, that's what is best.  No need to wish her well or anything like that, she will never be well.  By thinking you may kill her with kindness, you are only playing in to the same mind games that she's been playing all along.  That's what they do... .do NOT sink to their level.  Get what you have to do done and go to NC ASAP.  Yes, it hurts.  I'm going through the exact same thing right now.  Honestly, the only sense of satisfaction I am getting is ignoring her pleas for help.  That's healing for me... .

All the best... .

[ufoureah]

she is not asking for help... she is shutting me out of her life... she is a gorgeous, self sufficient, a multi millionaire with lots of friends...

and insecurity, lonelyness regardless, alot of pain, shame, anxiety and hurt... .

I waant her to know I do not give a hit_ she dropped off my stuff

D... .

[innerspirit]

I waant her to know I do not give a hit_ she dropped off my stuff

If you really don't care, there's no need to tell her anything.  It's another part of healing and (in my experience) it takes a while to get there.  I mean, really separating from X means not having to convince him of anything. It's about how I feel about myself, not about getting a reaction from him.

[Blwnaway]

Silence speaks volumes, my friend.  Trust me, I'm still new at this, but I DO know that her dropping off  your stuff is meant to elicit a reaction of some sort from you.  If you want to let her know that you don't give a hit_, SAY NOTHING!  This is very much similar as to when we were in these relationships.  Logic kept telling you that something was wrong and that it would never work.  If you actually took a step outside the r/s, you were well aware of that, right? 

Use the same logic here.  If you send her ANYTHING, you are doing nothing but hurting yourself.  She'll never get it.  It will never bother her even if you think you are sending a message that you don't give a hit_.  She has no empathy, no compassion. 

Gorgeous, self sufficient, lots of friends?  Bullhit_.  She has no friends, and you know that.  Perhaps she has acquaintances, but these people are not capable of maintaining any sort of meaningful relationships.  It's sad, but it's the truth.  Take solace in that.  You tried, and you failed to help.  The cards were stacked against you... .move on... .completely...

[growing_in_grace]

I am having similar "return the belongings" issues but suffice it to say, I prefer NC to be unbroken. I know if I make a call, send a text, or in anyway invite contact on her part I am in for a world of hurt to start over again. Buy a shipping box and send the things back or give them to a mutual freind to take back. Don't sent emails, it's a trap. Don't text, another trap. Phone calls, a trap!  As far as the blue towel, donate it to the nearest thrift shop and be done with it. It really doesn't matter whose towel it is or was, it matters that it can be used as a bargaining chip.

Keep making good choices. You are saving your sanity AND your life.

Gracie

[Crystal Ball]

Silence speaks volumes, my friend.  Trust me, I'm still new at this, but I DO know that her dropping off  your stuff is meant to elicit a reaction of some sort from you.  If you want to let her know that you don't give a hit_, SAY NOTHING!

Ditto!  Keep NC!   x

[ufoureah]

Ok this is what I did... .

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

and I feel great about it... .

the rest of her stuff is going in a bag and will be in my garage so I don't ever have to look at it again.

What was I thinking...

Thanks to you all I did it... .

OMG Iam really getting better at this

Iam going to spread the word about this site you are the most amazing people Thank you so much...

I need to survive meeting or seeing her in public alone  and with her new partner... that one will be hard... .

Iam imagining it in my mind now but i actually have not seen it yet...

Hopefully it will be easier...

So the outgoing message is set up on my email that only goes to her.

its kind of like an out of the office greeting.

This is so sick. I so want to hear from mer so that i can practive my NC... .