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Author Topic: How do you figure out what is normal?  (Read 932 times)
Mike76
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« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2012, 09:33:29 AM »

My FOG is deep right now... I have done some reading but I am struggling to get out of it.  I will just keep trying.

So I do not need to open a new thread I am really struggling with forgiveness.

Without getting into the particular my uBPDw, she has really been giving me a hard time about a issue at church.  She does no like the timing I use with it( if I put it up while standing, although most of the church does what I did).  She keep telling me it is not about everyone else, and if I do not abide by her I am a failure as husband, and horrible person.   She has raged at me many times over this issue, on the way home in the car.  Using some of the tools I have learned from these boards I guess I may have finally communicated to her that she can not talk to me this way about this issue.  That I will not accept and this can not happen.  I say this because she apologized to me the other day and said "I should not have said those those about this issue, I placed unfair expectations on you".  I was hard for me to take in, because she has never really apologized for  anything and I realize she can back track tomorrow, next week, or next month.  How do you accept an apology with congratulation or to much validation?

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jessicapuppy
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« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2012, 03:36:17 PM »

I'd have thought just a 'thank you' would suffice.  I don't suppose you want to make too much of the issue, as it may have been quite hard for her to say, and she may not want to make a big deal out of it.  You could perhaps say 'Thank you, that means a lot', if you wanted to let her know it was really appreciated.

I'd be interested to hear what anyone else things is the correct response...
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Mike76
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« Reply #12 on: March 02, 2012, 03:47:18 PM »

Problem is I did say "Thank you"...

She seemed to want something more that... Not sure what?  She said, that is all you are going to say?

I guess I should have added that before
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jessicapuppy
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« Reply #13 on: March 02, 2012, 04:15:47 PM »

Problem is I did say "Thank you"...

She seemed to want something more that... Not sure what?  She said, that is all you are going to say?

I guess I should have added that before

Okay, so seemingly she was apologising in order to be praised!  Perhaps adding '...that meant a lot' to the thank you, might have sufficed? 

Did you ask her what she was hoping you'd have said?
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Mike76
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« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2012, 06:29:30 PM »

she pretty much wanted praise as you suggested.

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jessicapuppy
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« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2012, 06:36:17 PM »

she pretty much wanted praise as you suggested.

Yes, that sounds very familiar!

My ex once told me he was jealous of my dogs, because I praise them more than I do him!  I asked him if what he was saying was that he wanted to be treated like a dog, and he said yes!
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