Ptsd

[qwaszx]

hey,

Wondering if years later anyone still struggles with ptsd symptoms, and gets triggered by random things that your expwBPD used to do, that happen in daily life.

For example if someone gets annoyed or angry with me I start to shut down and panic inside, and loss focus on priorities, feeling more intense emotions then what a normal person might experience because of a small insistence? Will these feelings go away?

[Blimblam]

Yeah for me it is when I witness splitting behaviors or am subject to them.  It's like an alarm goes off within me and can feel overwhelming. 

[qwaszx]

Yea. I have a bunch now and it sucks... .never realized until long after that it would still impact my life today... I have a lot of insacurities that I've never had before... is there ways to get rid of ptsd triggers?

[Blimblam]

Well I've read a little about exposure therapy. From what I gathered it is exposing yourself to triggers in small doses untill you feel more and more comfortable around them over time.  It probably helps to have someone hold your hand through it. 

I had a dog that was afraid of stairs with slots in between and I had to make walk her through it a bunch of times little by little waiting for her patiently and reassuring her a lot. then eventually she would leap up and down them.

[Pingo]

Hi qwaszx, I have read several books on PTSD since my split with my ex and the book that has been the most helpful to me is 'The Body Keeps Score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk.  I've just finished it and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn more about PTSD. He explains the science behind it in a way that's easy to understand and he explains what therapies don't work and what does work. Some therapies he uses are EMDR, journaling, story telling, yoga, meditation, massage, art/music/dance, Internal family systems therapy, PBSP psychomotor therapy, neurofeedback and theater.

I've been doing yoga and meditation, I walk a lot and meditate while I walk using my senses (for instance focusing on sounds or smells). I also journal and these have been very helpful in calming my anxiety and helping me become less triggered. I just started getting massage and I'm going to go every second week, another way to get in touch with my body and also very relaxing.

[fromheeltoheal]

My ex used to flick my ear lobes when she wanted to be disrespectful, usually tied to alleged sexual dissatisfaction in bed, which is a little strange since the neighbors complained she was way too loud too many times.  Whatever, it was all strange, and she was just fcking with me like a little kid, unfortunately I made it mean more.  Anyway, after I left her I couldn't touch my ears without flinching, there was definitely strong emotion tied to it, and so I asked women who care about me to gently touch my ears lovingly, and my dogs licked them a time or two too, and it worked, no more issues and I love my ears again.  So larger, I recommend locating where on your body the 'issue' lies and applying love there; real love can erase dysfunction.  PTSD can go deeper than that I realize, but that one worked for me.  Take care of you!

[qwaszx]

Hey, thanks everyone:) just slightly discouraged at the moment. It just feels like it's never ending

[Grey Kitty]

Note: This is more general advice, not specific to PTSD. For something that truly triggers you, it probably isn't a good idea.

Hey, thanks everyone:) just slightly discouraged at the moment. It just feels like it's never ending

Lean into those feelings, and experience them. Allow yourself to just feel it.

I believe that this is how you get to the end of it.

[Sunfl0wer]

I have PTSD from abuse at infancy till my 20's.

It gets easier every year that my environment is mostly safe and calm.

I think that healing can be broken into two parts:

1. Keeping overall anxieties at a lower level and using general coping techniques.

2. Dealing specifically with the trigger itself

So for ex, as Pingo posts:

I've been doing yoga and meditation, I walk a lot and meditate while I walk using my senses (for instance focusing on sounds or smells). I also journal and these have been very helpful in calming my anxiety and helping me become less triggered. I just started getting massage and I'm going to go every second week, another way to get in touch with my body and also very relaxing.

When I do things to keep my overall anxiety levels low, then I am less sensitive when exposed to potential triggers and will either have a lower response, or none.

Then like fromheeltoheal explains:

My ex used to flick my ear lobes when she wanted to be disrespectful, usually tied to alleged sexual dissatisfaction in bed, which is a little strange since the neighbors complained she was way too loud too many times.  Whatever, it was all strange, and she was just fcking with me like a little kid, unfortunately I made it mean more.  Anyway, after I left her I couldn't touch my ears without flinching, there was definitely strong emotion tied to it, and so I asked women who care about me to gently touch my ears lovingly, and my dogs licked them a time or two too, and it worked, no more issues and I love my ears again.  So larger, I recommend locating where on your body the 'issue' lies and applying love there; real love can erase dysfunction.  PTSD can go deeper than that I realize, but that one worked for me.  Take care of you!

I have been able to almost "erase" some specific triggers altogether after communicating the trigger to my partner, receiving love and concern for my trigger, feeling safe with my partners care for my trigger thus allowing some gentle exposure, then it slowly getting weaker and weaker.

[Sunfl0wer]

Just the way certain interactions with your ex harmed you, having successful, safe interactions may help to heal you.  Next time you have a conversation that causes you anxiety, see if you can take the conversation in smaller manageable doses.  See if you can find some healing in the interaction, or if you can just stay present.

It may be harder to control a conversation and take it in smaller doses for exposure therapy the way say, exposure therapy for fear of heights works.  However, maybe you can find success by starting with testing this out on someone who is caring and won't mind.  Maybe if the conversation requires you to process, then make decisions, you can tell the person that you want to discuss the topic and hear about it fully, however, you will get back to the person on your thoughts and opinions about it later?

[doubleAries]

Personally, I think it's probably important to differentiate between PTSD (generally a single traumatic event or shorter string of events, like front lines war) and Complex PTSD (which is more common with child abuse, as a chronic ongoing trauma)

I am reading a book right now about the latter, called "Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving" by Pete Walker. I have so far found it to be far more helpful than any PTSD books I've ever read.

What you describe above in your first post, Walker calls "emotional flashback". A war veteran may have a flashback that involves visual hallucinations. But child abuse veterans rarely have those kind of hallucinations--it's more about an ingrained emotional response that may not make much sense to the person experiencing it on a rational/thinking level.

While I do not fit all the various criteria for C-PTSD, I am still finding this book extremely useful. Pete Walker also has a website (google his name) with a massive amount of great tips and info. He himself is a child abuse veteran, as well as a licensed psychologist. check his website www.pete-walker.com/ one of the first articles on the left side is called "emotional flashback management"--GREAT stuff.

[hope2727]

Just a note to maybe cheer you up.

I was diagnosed with PTSD after my ex left. I have trouble staying asleep, am hyper vigilant, am super sensitive to smells and sounds, I could go on and on but the worst is the heightened startle response.

This is a problem every day for me. I am driving down the highway and a motorcycle revs its motor in the lane next to me and I leap out of my skin. I am watching TV and a scene changes from distant to up close and I leap out of the chair. I have bells tied to both my gates and both my doors so I am not startled in the night by anyone coming or going (I have tenants). The dog barks I leap across the room and throw a coffee cup. Its hilarious and horrible at the same time.

To make matter worse I have an assistant at work who thinks its hilarious to jump out and startle people. I have asked her repeatedly to stop doing this to me. None the less she continues. Yesterday in our reception area in front of several patients she leapt out and grabbed me. I reacted by shouting and swinging my elbow back to strike her in the face. I managed to stop myself before I actually struck her but it was close. Then I literally grabbed her around the neck and shook her. I yelled in her face and almost cried. I had to leave the building and go for a walk to calm down. Now whenever I see her my heart races. ITs horrible.  

So if its any comfort you can envision me shouting and throttling my assistant in a room full of people. Yup it was awesome. I hope she gets pregnant and leaves. That is the only hope I have in sight. Anyone have some fertility drugs they can spare? no? ok.

Sleep well all. I know I'll be up a dozen times or so.  

[Sunfl0wer]

Personally, I think it's probably important to differentiate between PTSD (generally a single traumatic event or shorter string of events, like front lines war) and Complex PTSD (which is more common with child abuse, as a chronic ongoing trauma)

I am reading a book right now about the latter, called "Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving" by Pete Walker. I have so far found it to be far more helpful than any PTSD books I've ever read.

What you describe above in your first post, Walker calls "emotional flashback". A war veteran may have a flashback that involves visual hallucinations. But child abuse veterans rarely have those kind of hallucinations--it's more about an ingrained emotional response that may not make much sense to the person experiencing it on a rational/thinking level.

While I do not fit all the various criteria for C-PTSD, I am still finding this book extremely useful. Pete Walker also has a website (google his name) with a massive amount of great tips and info. He himself is a child abuse veteran, as well as a licensed psychologist. check his website www.pete-walker.com/ one of the first articles on the left side is called "emotional flashback management"--GREAT stuff.

Hey Aries,  I read a bit of the site.  I had never heard the term "emotional flashback," however, I completely get it.  It explains and helps me understand so much more what happened between my ex and I.  I can see time where we both were triggered and responding to one another from a state of emotional flashback. I now see that even though we did not have a name for it, that this is what our MC was trying to get us to identify.  I kinda wish he would have given us this terminology back then.  I'm sure he didn't as it would have scared my ex away tho.

Thank you for this info, very useful, also love reading the types and approaches.

[Sunfl0wer]

Hi hope,  I wanted to share with you that I was teased in college a bit.  Once people caught on about my startle reflex they would get fascinated and see how far they could take it.  Also like they wanted to keep testing me to see if I was faking.  Of course this just made my reflex more and more sensitive and eventually would be unbearable for me.  Well years later this started happening at work.  I decided that I needed to do something to stop it this time as I did not want things to escalate like in the past.  Obviously I didn't trust anyone to simply be respectful.  So I simply told people that I had a sensitive startle reflex and to please not trigger it on purpose, as I will unintentionally hit you and cannot help it. I work in health care, so they got the point that I probably had trauma.  Well, sure enough one or two people wanted to "play" with my reflex.  After several times and me knowing for certain that they were taunting me, I began to train myself to hit them, punch them on purpose but I made it look like a reaction.  They persisted, so I persisted and got stronger with my punches.  Eventually, they learned to quit it!  Looking back, this sounds rather sad, however, at the time, I was rather proud of myself for finally resolving that. I still am I guess.   

[hope2727]

Hi hope,  I wanted to share with you that I was teased in college a bit.  Once people caught on about my startle reflex they would get fascinated and see how far they could take it.  Also like they wanted to keep testing me to see if I was faking.  Of course this just made my reflex more and more sensitive and eventually would be unbearable for me.  Well years later this started happening at work.  I decided that I needed to do something to stop it this time as I did not want things to escalate like in the past.  Obviously I didn't trust anyone to simply be respectful.  So I simply told people that I had a sensitive startle reflex and to please not trigger it on purpose, as I will unintentionally hit you and cannot help it. I work in health care, so they got the point that I probably had trauma.  Well, sure enough one or two people wanted to "play" with my reflex.  After several times and me knowing for certain that they were taunting me, I began to train myself to hit them, punch them on purpose but I made it look like a reaction.  They persisted, so I persisted and got stronger with my punches.  Eventually, they learned to quit it!  Looking back, this sounds rather sad, however, at the time, I was rather proud of myself for finally resolving that. I still am I guess.   

Nice. I warned her the last time that she was going to get hit. This time she almost did. I might have to start carrying bear spray.

[doubleAries]

Sunflower--I never heard the term "emotional flashback" either. My T has certainly never used the term, and next session, I am going to enlighten him!

CPTSD isn't recognized in the DSM. If it were, it would save a lot of other diagnosis... .

[Pingo]

Hi hope,  I wanted to share with you that I was teased in college a bit.  Once people caught on about my startle reflex they would get fascinated and see how far they could take it.  Also like they wanted to keep testing me to see if I was faking.  Of course this just made my reflex more and more sensitive and eventually would be unbearable for me.  Well years later this started happening at work.  I decided that I needed to do something to stop it this time as I did not want things to escalate like in the past.  Obviously I didn't trust anyone to simply be respectful.  So I simply told people that I had a sensitive startle reflex and to please not trigger it on purpose, as I will unintentionally hit you and cannot help it. I work in health care, so they got the point that I probably had trauma.  Well, sure enough one or two people wanted to "play" with my reflex.  After several times and me knowing for certain that they were taunting me, I began to train myself to hit them, punch them on purpose but I made it look like a reaction.  They persisted, so I persisted and got stronger with my punches.  Eventually, they learned to quit it!  Looking back, this sounds rather sad, however, at the time, I was rather proud of myself for finally resolving that. I still am I guess.   

Nice. I warned her the last time that she was going to get hit. This time she almost did. I might have to start carrying bear spray.

Sunflower & hope, I am so sorry that you both are going through this and also that people are intentionally triggering you! I also have a wicked startle reflex and I find myself doing things to avoid being scared because it takes me sometimes hours to calm my body down. If those people knew how terrible this was for you, perhaps they'd stop... .I think slugging them is completely acceptable after you've asked them to not do that.  I end up crying usually if something really scares me. I won't watch scary movies or shows. Thankfully there isn't anyone in my life intentionally trying to scare me so I think I'm starting to get a little better. I have also noticed my spider phobia is extremely heightened now and I am easily triggered and will end up crying because I just don't know what else to do with this bottled up fear and also I'm so tired of being this way I cry out of frustration.

My heart goes out to you all, this is a hard road. 

[Blimblam]

You know what's seems extremely promising for ptsd is iboga extract.  

A lot of my healing has come from well just leaning into my pain and leaning into my triggers to try to learn the lesson in them which usually occurs in dreams. Where  the girl in my dreams leads me to an imposing dark man of whom I fear then demanding answers from him.   The thing is I fear him and spend most nightmares runinng from him or chasing after that girl of my dreams who is always by my side.  

Well I listened to and read some ibogaine experiences and they mention "the spirit of Iboga," or mr. Iboga.  The way they describe him is exactly the same character as that dark man in my dreams and the iboga experience mirrors in many ways how a lot of my healing has occurred in my personal journey.  

Apparently ibogaine kind of resets your brain chemistry with dopamine and some other neurotransmitters so effectively addicts are no longer addicted after the trip it's like they avoid the withdrawals altogether.  For this reason Ibogaine has become known in the west.  

But the way people describe it is like, pretty much the ghost of Christmas past come and takes you on a life review like in that one famous movie and it is the realizations that occur their that changes people's lives.

I'm

Just reading the accounts of people's experiences has helped me tremendously because I have experiences with the archtypal character that is mr iboga and the healing and harsh truths he provides.  

[Sunfl0wer]

Sunflower--I never heard the term "emotional flashback" either. My T has certainly never used the term, and next session, I am going to enlighten him!

CPTSD isn't recognized in the DSM. If it were, it would save a lot of other diagnosis... .

Yeah, I know the C PTSD thing not in DSM.  I shy away from using the term because I have seen others use it to replace the BPD label, they are NOT the same.  I have heard some T preferring to call their clients C PTSD vs BPD because it lacks the stigma BPD carries, while allowing the T to recognize and treat the trauma in a "special way."

What I forgot to mention, the article explained how some of the attachment styles of PTSD can appear like BPD but are not.  I forgot which one.  I'm not too concerned, I know I don't split, have fine theory of mind and a well enough developed self, but it still helps to have a way to clarify the two in some instances.  Especially when we get in FOG and it shows how we have tendency to attrack these other types.

Sunflower & hope, I am so sorry that you both are going through this and also that people are intentionally triggering you! I also have a wicked startle reflex and I find myself doing things to avoid being scared because it takes me sometimes hours to calm my body down. If those people knew how terrible this was for you, perhaps they'd stop... .I think slugging them is completely acceptable after you've asked them to not do that.  I end up crying usually if something really scares me. I won't watch scary movies or shows. Thankfully there isn't anyone in my life intentionally trying to scare me so I think I'm starting to get a little better. I have also noticed my spider phobia is extremely heightened now and I am easily triggered and will end up crying because I just don't know what else to do with this bottled up fear and also I'm so tired of being this way I cry out of frustration.

I use a heavy mug, I'm just brave enough to cover up spiders if I they are on the right surface.  Then they sit and die till someone can clean them up.  Or they get vacuumed using the extension tube, and I then suck up a bunch of dust outside or something to pack them in tight, and leave the vacuum outside.   Idk... .that may be too much for you?  Thanks for the kind words! 

You know what's seems extremely promising for ptsd is iboga extract. 

.  I'm gonna look into this! Thx!  I like natural remedies!  My recent calm away gum did not work one bit!

You guys are all the best!

[once removed]

there is, whats known as a sort of "ptsd light" that i suspect most people emerging from a BPD relationship experience. its called adjustment disorder, which i admit is vague, but it made far more sense for me. you can google and wikipedia this disorder. for me the worst part was anxiety attacks that would set in within an hour of waking up and last for a good six hours or more. a highly effective treatment for me was herbal, and is known as passion flower 

[Sunfl0wer]

there is, whats known as a sort of "ptsd light" that i suspect most people emerging from a BPD relationship experience. its called adjustment disorder, which i admit is vague, but it made far more sense for me. you can google and wikipedia this disorder. for me the worst part was anxiety attacks that would set in within an hour of waking up and last for a good six hours or more. a highly effective treatment for me was herbal, and is known as passion flower 

I too have used Passion flower.  I got it in tea form, and drank at bedtime, was very helpful for me!

[Blimblam]

there is, whats known as a sort of "ptsd light" that i suspect most people emerging from a BPD relationship experience. its called adjustment disorder, which i admit is vague, but it made far more sense for me. you can google and wikipedia this disorder. for me the worst part was anxiety attacks that would set in within an hour of waking up and last for a good six hours or more. a highly effective treatment for me was herbal, and is known as passion flower 

I read the wiki about adjustment disorder. It's kind of funny and is almost a parady of our medical model conforming to greedy insurance companies yet not wantingo stigmatize the patient.  Some aspects of the psychiatric model I find upsetting. 

I also had an incredible amount of anxiety and panic attacks it was horrible. 

I like the cptsd model in many ways braise it is sort of so all encompassing that it covers almost all metal disorders under its umbrella so in a way extends the limits of compassion.  I'd do find it stigmatizing that cptsd has become for many synonymous with BPD thought.  In the cptsd model even things like excessive day dreaming is considered dissacosiation and just another manifestation of cptsd.

I think it wAs the first book I read when I learned about the disorder.

But yeah pingo research ibogaine and Iboga it is used as medicine, a religious sacrament, and a right of passage in Gabon in Africa it was originally used by the pygmies.  It's been described as 10 years of psychotherapy in 36 hours. I see it mostly framed as being used to treat drug addiction but that's because of the nature of the medicine sort of flies in the face of the western concept of medicine. From what I've read it guides on inwards to look at oneself truthfully even all the hidden parts and reveals the origins of the truamas and the patterns they have created and to be able to work through that truama.

[Pingo]

But yeah pingo research ibogaine and Iboga it is used as medicine, a religious sacrament, and a right of passage in Gabon in Africa it was originally used by the pygmies.  It's been described as 10 years of psychotherapy in 36 hours. I see it mostly framed as being used to treat drug addiction but that's because of the nature of the medicine sort of flies in the face of the western concept of medicine. From what I've read it guides on inwards to look at oneself truthfully even all the hidden parts and reveals the origins of the truamas and the patterns they have created and to be able to work through that truama.

I am a believer that food/herbs/natural remedies can make a huge difference in our lives. Having said that, I don't believe everything natural should be considered harmless.  I would be very careful with this Iboga Blim.

I am working on body-centered healing. Last night I went for another massage and I am doing yoga at least once a day (even for just a few minutes at a time). It is helping. Last night there was a massive wolf spider outside my front door when I let the dog out... .I didn't scream or cry, I went and got the broom and smooshed it! (Sorry spider, I'll never make it as a very good Buddhist )... .it wasn't easy or fun but I did it!