Tell Me About Healing Childhood Wounds

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My exBPD gf broke up with me in September. I have never in my life struggled so much. Of course she overlapped me with the next guy after just days prior saying we would be together forever and no one could ever compare to me. It was a 2 year relationship filled with conflict, turmoil, and toxicity of the like that I didn't even think was possible. I have gotten drunk and lashed out at her several times. Its like she's not even human considering the lack of empathy and even basic consideration after worshiping me and pressuring me heavily to marry for a long time.

This RS changed me. I am not even close to being the person I once was. I got so depressed I thought I was going to die. I have been seeing a T but she doesn't specialize in BPD. I am now looking for a specialist in this area. I started changing for the worse during the RS and it got much worse after I lost my addiction (her). Clearly this was no normal RS and opened up some very deep wounds at my core. I grew up in an alcoholic home my first 8 years of life and it was rough. I have read that for some having a devastating breakup with a BPD can open childhood wounds that can now be addressed. My question is: what is the process for going after these wounds and seeking deep healing as I never want to feel this again and I never want to let another abusive, lying person with absolutely no integrity ever be such a part of my life again.

[Duped 1]

My exBPD gf broke up with me in September. I have never in my life struggled so much. Of course she overlapped me with the next guy after just days prior saying we would be together forever and no one could ever compare to me. It was a 2 year relationship filled with conflict, turmoil, and toxicity of the like that I didn't even think was possible. I have gotten drunk and lashed out at her several times. Its like she's not even human considering the lack of empathy and even basic consideration after worshiping me and pressuring me heavily to marry for a long time.

This RS changed me. I am not even close to being the person I once was. I got so depressed I thought I was going to die. I have been seeing a T but she doesn't specialize in BPD. I am now looking for a specialist in this area. I started changing for the worse during the RS and it got much worse after I lost my addiction (her). Clearly this was no normal RS and opened up some very deep wounds at my core. I grew up in an alcoholic home my first 8 years of life and it was rough. I have read that for some having a devastating breakup with a BPD can open childhood wounds that can now be addressed. My question is: what is the process for going after these wounds and seeking deep healing as I never want to feel this again and I never want to let another abusive, lying person with absolutely no integrity ever be such a part of my life again.

[Ahoy]

I think I can help with this a little, although some of what I suggest may sound strange.

First I think it's good you are looking around for a new T, it's important to feel that your time spent with them is beneficial and they understand the nature of what you are dealing with.

If I can recommend two books that helped me they are :
The human magnet syndrome by Ross Rosenberg
Betrayal Bonds by Patrick Carnes

Take both with a grain of salt BUT Ross Rosenberg's book attempts to explain the co-dependant/Borderline relationship while Betrayal bonds covers Relationship style trauma (basically PTSD) and how to overcome it.

With a bit more knowledge, I was able to look at the dynamics of my parents relationship and realise I was exactly like my mother, a person who cared for an emotionally abusive and unavailable person (my father) I saw how I emulated what she did in my own marriage and how I overlooked obvious red flags because of my overriding desire to 'rescue' my wife.

The next thing I did to help with the initial hurt was practice mindfulness. There are MANY forms of it but at its simplest, its basically just living in the moment. For me that was simply taking my dogs for a walk down our town airstrip at sunset, listening to some good music and enjoying the beauty of the end of the day. Keeping my thoughts about the moment (even just for 20 minutes) and not dwelling on what has happened.

The last thing that surprisingly helped me was trying something called "inner child monologue" it sounded completely out there and crazy to me BUT once you get the basis of it, you are basically having a conversation with your 'inner' child which is a hurt 5-7 year old. You as the adult have to comfort that child because they are in pain. When I started trying this... .talking to myself like a damn crazy person, it was really weird because my inner child blurted out some things that I wasn't aware of, little truths about the pain I was feeling. It helped me understand (a little) of where to focus my attention on next.

Lastly, EXERCISE. Gym/Running/swimming/Fight Club do something to get those endorphins running and KEEP AT IT. You seeing improvement will do wonders to your confidence and self-esteem.

Ok enough typing, good luck!

[GreenEyedMonster]

I had a similar experience, with my BPD/NPD relationship ripping the lid off a lot of my childhood issues. 

For me, it turns out that a lot of my childhood wounds were products of being subject to another person's arbitrary judgment or labeling of me, which was then used to justify poor or abusive treatment.  This mostly happened to me in school.  My ex re-enacted this by labeling me (childish, crazy, etc.) and then using that label to justify mistreating me.  I retreated into a scared, obedient child around him because that's how I had coped with that labeling before.  I eventually came to understand that as an adult, I don't have to submit to that kind of thing.

My T is a trauma specialist and has been very helpful in coaching me through my complex trauma.  You may consider finding a trauma specialist as well -- someone trained in things like EMDR, mindfulness, and emotional reprocessing.