The Five Stages of Abandonment - Susan Anderson, MSW
Popcorn71:
Quote from: heartandwhole on January 29, 2014, 04:00:08 PM
How has internalizing affected you?
What has helped you lessen the injury to your self-esteem since the ending of the relationship?
I felt totally worthless and thought that it must be something wrong with me that caused him to leave for somebody else. The fact that he left for somebody far less attractive, less educated and with nothing to offer him but everything to gain from him, made it more hurtful. We had a good life together and a nice home. Much of our lifestyle was due to my contributions. To realise he threw all this away just to be rid of me, really hurt. The fact that he would rather be with a woman of a much lower standard, really hurt. I do not mean these comments in a conceited way, but I am being truthful. Many people have told me that they think he is mad and cannot understand why he dumped me for her. That makes me feel that in some way, I must be totally worthless because he chose her.
In a strange way, he gave me a gift that has helped regain some self esteem. Due to him cutting off all financial support before we divorced, I was forced to get a job. The first job I got was making me very unhappy and he tried to use that to get me to allow him to move back into our home. He told me that if I let him come back, I could afford to give up the job. At that time, I couldn't allow him back due to his bad treatment of my son. So I stuck to my guns and carried on working. This was when he moved on to the replacement.
Thankfully, I soon got a new job. This second job has turned out to be an incredible help to me. I work with fantastic, caring, people. I help other people in the course of my work, and the fact that I get so much positive feedback has made me feel much better. I am starting to see that I am a nice person. I am a good person. I have a lot to offer and people like me. I am not the worthless POS that he made me feel like!
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[*] Previous page