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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Films that depict BPD?  (Read 2844 times)
rotgut
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« on: October 10, 2011, 12:31:32 AM »

I am a film buff and recently ran across a French film from the 80's on Netflix titled Betty Blue.  I remember seeing this film as a teenager and fantasizing about growing up to meet a beautiful, exotic, sexual-hell cat like beautiful, troubled Betty in the film. Someone whose frayed nerves I could calm, and who in turn would intensely love me forever. I remember watching BP Betty Blue wreck her bf's pad and thinking "he should not upset her and things would continue to be amazing".  I actually grew up later to find and fall in love with a very similar women, only to realize the hard way that there is no not upsetting a person with BP. Can't be done IMO.  Over ten years I altered my behavior in every way I could imagine and her behavior changed exactly bup kis. Only steadily got worse over time like dear Betty Blue's.

Are there any other films that depict a pwBPD?
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« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2011, 12:58:04 AM »

I just watched Melancholia, the new one with Kirsten Dunst.

It doesnt' say what she is diagnosed with but seeing the interaction with her parents and her sister it made me have some "A-HA" moments thinking she had to be a pwBPD.

I would love to hear anyone else's take on what she had.
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« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2011, 01:52:54 AM »

invasion of the body snatchers  - theres so many similarities to BPD its uncanny ,makes me wonder if BPD is something brought down from above,infecting the population, growing in numbers too i am sure
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« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2011, 01:57:50 AM »

Girl, Interrupted is the only one that comes to mind.
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rotgut
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« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2011, 02:10:49 AM »

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Sunny. Sure seemed like Invasion of the Body Snatchers at times.

Just rewatched Betty Blue on Netflix. This movie rings true for me with her violent rages. She would trash the house, attack her bf, and run out of the house half dressed in a state of mad panic. Only to calm down later and be her gentle, sweet waif self. Until the next time... .
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rotgut
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« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2011, 02:22:17 AM »

During my estranged wBPD's sudden and violent rages. I would often fantasize about having a tranquilizer dart gun like they have in the zoo to immediately put her down with. Her Doctor prescribed Xanax for times like these, but they would end up across the floor as I would attempt to give her one.  It was as if every so often, but regularly, she would act like a small child who was just told her mother had died.
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« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2011, 02:48:19 AM »

During my estranged wBPD's sudden and violent rages. I would often fantasize about having a tranquilizer dart gun like they have in the zoo to immediately put her down with. Her Doctor prescribed Xanax for times like these, but they would end up across the floor as I would attempt to give her one.  It was as if every so often, but regularly, she would act like a small child who was just told her mother had died.

I shared your tranquilizer gun dream,after all  it makes perfect sense- same as shooting down a raging lion on the loose. i couldnt do it here in England as guns are forbidden,but if youre in the states maybe you could.

After all thats what they do in films in lunatic asylums, wrestle the crazey to the ground and sedate them- however the dart gun 0r even blow dart gun?is a better idea ,it  would be a treasured item, kept on a display stand perhaps,already loaded?
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« Reply #7 on: October 10, 2011, 03:05:43 AM »

Sharon Stone's character in Basic Instinct reminded me of my ex so much, so did Xenia Onatopp - the sex crazed femme fatale from Goldeneye.
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« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2011, 03:31:06 AM »

If you want to see what a pwBPD looks like when they're old, check out Tony Sopranos mother in the Sopranos.
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« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2011, 03:39:30 AM »

Betty Blue is a good one.

Many times in classic "film noir" as well. Gun Crazy (1950) is spot on, even with a strongly co-dependent man.

The spanish girlfriend in Woddy Allens "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" shows many BPD traits.
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« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2011, 04:43:06 AM »

The movie "Coraline" comes to mind, depicting the transformation of a BPD mother in the "alternate" reality.

Also, while not perhaps BPD specific, "Bitter Moon" shows stages of a deteriorating, emotionally extreme relationship and increasingly harmful power struggles.

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« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2011, 04:51:29 AM »

I am a film buff and recently ran across a French film from the 80's on Netflix titled Betty Blue. 

Jesus. I was IN LOVE with Betty Blue, when I was a teenager. I never thought of making the link between BPD and that film, but you're so right. I guess my taste for BPD women developed tragically early.
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« Reply #12 on: October 10, 2011, 07:50:50 AM »

Just finished watching Wuthering Heights - some scary, close to home symbolism in that film.
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« Reply #13 on: October 10, 2011, 08:52:44 AM »

I can remember watching Margot at the Wedding starring Nicole kidman and thinking "wow she really exhibits BPD caharacteristics".  She does so in a very realistic and sbutle way - as in not protrayed as a lower functioning BPD like Courtney Love but more like in a higher function BPD like my exgf.  I remember thinking also that I was just being paranoid and probably a bit obsessed the the disorder since I had just sort of figured out what was going on with my ex (I knew she had a personality disorder - she's too extreme in her beliefs and behaviour and her life is complete wreck not to).  So I shrugged it off.  About 2/3s of the way through the film the main character's sister and her are having a big fight and her sisiter blurts out that her and her other sister think she has Borderline Personality Disorder.  I almost fell off the couch.

I now rarely doubt my ability to detect in people.  Once I knew more about it I remember suggesting to my friend that his wife make very well have it (she was paranoid about his fidelity and crazy emotional for years from what he told me but I didn't know what BPD was early on when he would tell me this stuff).  So once I started dating my ex and started to understand the behaviours I asked him to look into it because his relationship was getting crazier and crazier.  I was like this for years with him moving and and moving back in with her, her cheating on him, poisoning his daughter's opinion of him (he is a totally stand up guy if ever there was one), raging, blackmailing, etc.

So about 4 or 5 months ago he comes up to me in the gym and says "So Jim it turns out my wife was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder".  I just looked at him and said "dude, I have been trying to tell you this for about 2 years now".  And he pauses and says "that's right - you have. Oh my god!".  He just didn't want to believe it or understand or admit it or something - it just didn't sink in at first until a "professional" diagnosed her.

Girl interupted is also one - however the main character doesn't really exhibit the characteristics as much as the secondary character does (although she is said to be sociopathic in the film) which is Angelina Jolie who ironcially is said to be BPD.  Mommy Dearest is an obvious one as is Fatal Attraction.
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« Reply #14 on: October 10, 2011, 09:17:08 AM »

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  The character played by Kate Winslet. 

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« Reply #15 on: October 10, 2011, 09:35:12 AM »

I think "Fatal Attraction" is the ultimate BPD movie.  Also a Jessica Lange movie called "Blue Sky"

On another note I am looking forward to watching "We Need to Talk about Kevin", from what I hear the child in the movie resembles an extreme version of my exwifes son.
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« Reply #16 on: October 10, 2011, 10:45:36 AM »

"The Virgin Suicides"  Kathleen Turner, the mother.  The father a classic enabler.

"Sunset Boulevard."  Joan Crawford's character.

'The War of the Roses"  Two BPD's married to each other.

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« Reply #17 on: October 10, 2011, 12:26:47 PM »

Angelina Jolie in the movie GIA. It to me was the most representative of what a true borderline is like. Plus it is a true story probably done by a borderline which some of said Angelina might have.
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« Reply #18 on: October 10, 2011, 02:31:31 PM »

In the movie Revolutionary Road, in my opinion, it depicts a couple where the man has strong NPD traits and the woman has BPD traits, though really, I saw her as feeling trapped in a culture (the 50s) where there were less options for women, and I saw that as playing a big role in how desperate the woman felt.   A couple years ago a thread was established here about the movie... .and it spurred quite a lot of spirited debate, with the men on the board seeing the woman as totally 'nutz' and the women on the board seeing the guy as controlling, manipulative and verbally/emotinally abusive.  Regardless of your take on it,  It's a very powerful movie, and very well done.  Another similar dysfunctional couple movie is Whose Afraid of Virgina Wolfe?
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« Reply #19 on: October 11, 2011, 12:17:21 PM »

Thanks for all the great replies. Hopefully even more will be forthcoming. Below is a compiled list of the submitted titles.

~ Betty Blue

~ Melancholia

~ Revolutionary Road

~ Invasion of the Body Snatchers

~ Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolfe?  Hi!

~ Gia

~ The Virgin Suicides

~ Sunset Blvd.

~ War of the Roses

~ Fatal Attraction

~ Blue Sky

~ We Need to Talk About Kevin

~ Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind

~ Margot at the Wedding

~ Girl Interrupted

~ Coraline

~ Wuthering Heights

~ Gun Crazy

~ Vicky Cristina Barcelona

~ Goldeneye

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« Reply #20 on: October 11, 2011, 03:33:46 PM »

@Rotgut - I watched many of those in the last 4 months and had an ephiany whilst watching wuthering heights and gas light. Given that much of the abuse we received was covert and behind closed doors watching the movies was like watching my r/s play out on the big screen - actually helped me to move on.
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« Reply #21 on: October 11, 2011, 03:45:37 PM »

Thanks for all the great replies. Hopefully even more will be forthcoming. Below is a compiled list of the submitted titles.

~ Betty Blue

~ Melancholia

~ Revolutionary Road

~ Invasion of the Body Snatchers

~ Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolfe?  Hi!

~ Gia

~ The Virgin Suicides

~ Sunset Blvd.

~ War of the Roses

~ Fatal Attraction

~ Blue Sky

~ We Need to Talk About Kevin

~ Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind

~ Margot at the Wedding

~ Girl Interrupted

~ Coraline

~ Wuthering Heights

~ Gun Crazy

~ Vicky Cristina Barcelona

~ Goldeneye

One more: "Notes On A Scandal." The elderly teacher played by Judi Dench in the film is - in my opinion - a very interesting portrayal of an aging BPD. I remember feeling so struck by this movie thinking, "This is what my ex will be like growing old." Brilliant film. Highly recommended.
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rotgut
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« Reply #22 on: October 11, 2011, 05:00:07 PM »

The month of Oct. is turning out to be BPD Movie Month in my flat  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) .  Clearmind, I agree completely with your comment about these particular films being cathartic when trying to get over a toxic BPD relationship.  A reminder of the true, grim reality of living with a pwBPD.

Last night's film was Melancholia. I think this film portrays a high-to-low functioning sufferer of BPD (at least ?) beautifully over the course of 136 minutes. The imagery of Justine's (Kirsten Dunst) inner turmoil, at the beginning of the film shows in very vivid, stark imagery what a pwBPD may feel like on the inside. Justine was I think most likely a high functioning pwbp until learning, along with the rest of the world, that the planet Earth will be destroyed by a stray planet within days, thus sending her into the low functioning realm quickly and with severe consequences to her life.

Justine's sister, who is prone to panic attacks, is Justine's constant friend and caretaker; coddling her with constant hot baths, horse riding, and excuse making on Justine's behalf.

The part of the film that reminded me of my uwpbd the most, is toward the end of the film and shortly before the earth is going to be instantly destroyed by the stray planet. Justine and her sister are having tea when Justine's demeanor suddenly becomes very lucid and cold, and proceeds to verbally brutalize her sister, who is driven into temporary hysterics.

Like so many with BPD, Justine instantly goes from terrorizing her only support system, to being once again quite warm and charming to her young nephew, tenderly consoling him and telling him everything will "be alright". (exactly what her sister so desperately needed to hear from her only moments earlier). That was my uwbp.

I was passing a lot of blood once, (turned out to be nothing tg) and when I immediately told my uwBPD, she dismissed my concern and proceeded to go into a rage of my supposed "cheating" on her (never happened). Point being when they feel like raging, damn whatever else is going on, even if it is the end of the world, because they need to rage. The film Melancholia demonstrates that particularly monstrous BPD trait very well.
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« Reply #23 on: October 11, 2011, 05:27:36 PM »

Rotgut - I love your reviews - keep them coming - I am going to get that out tonight  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #24 on: October 11, 2011, 11:30:40 PM »

Sharon Stone in the movie "Casino". Classic narcissistic BPD female. Full of game and all about me entitlement. She lies, cheats, and is handed everything to her on a silver platter.

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« Reply #25 on: October 12, 2011, 12:37:32 AM »

500 days of summer comes to mind.
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rotgut
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« Reply #26 on: October 12, 2011, 01:33:48 AM »

Harlemgurl, funny you should submit Casino. Recently rewatched it on Netflix. Spot on about Sharon Stone's behavior IMO, not helped any by her raging cocaine addiction.

She calls Sam, her beat down husband, everything but a Son of God and he still takes her back... .and takes her back... .and back... .ad nauseam, ad infintium. I did ten years of that sad to say. Seems so pathetic when seen on screen and a great reminder of what not to go back to.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #27 on: October 12, 2011, 08:41:19 AM »

Lonely Hearts (2006) starring Salma Hayek & John Travolta.

Portrays 2 pwBPD who fall in love with each other. Powerful depiction.
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rotgut
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« Reply #28 on: October 14, 2011, 03:23:17 AM »

Revolutionary Road (2008)

I could never have watched this film seated closely next to my estranged wBPD. It would have hit way to close to home for both of us, and probably been bad for me in many ways. Fortunately, last night after watching this film and following it up with a dose of Margot at the Wedding (2007) I fell asleep without a single delusion or fantasy of my estranged wBPD.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Throughout the film the husband (Leonardo DiCaprio) seems to be trying his NPD'ed best to keep up with and respond to his wife April's (Kate Winslet) erratic bp behavior

Is Frank NPD or just mirroring his wife's bp behavior?

Midway in the film, during one of  Frank and April's many horrific fights, she tells him she "truly hates him" and asks, "by what measure could you ever consider yourself to be a real man?" I like Frank, would ask my wife since she "hated me", why the hell was she still with me? I'd remind her that we had no children, and if she didn't want to be with me, she certainly didn't have to be. Her reply would be a hurtful remark like, ours was a "marriage of convenience" and follow it up with a hateful slight toward my manhood or about myself as a person. 

I could truly relate to Frank's being up all night, thinking that his marriage is over, and all the repercussions that would entail, only to wake up the next morning to a wife suddenly acting like the marriage is perfect and everything is not just OK, but wonderful. Pretending like she thinks he is wonderful, and the funny thing is, i too would GO ALONG WITH IT, just as the husband does in the film, pretend everything is totally fine only to quietly ask her later, (being ever so careful to mind the eggshells), "you don't really hate me, do you?"  ?

I agree with the comment above, that socioeconomic, gender inequality, and traditional 1950's marital roles, all played a part in bumming out April, but her bp is the dominant negative factor in the destruction of their marriage IMO.

From personal experience, I think even if the couple in the film would have moved themselves and their two children to Paris, the outcome would have been the same. My ebpw and I actually moved to the Black Sea for a year while waiting for her visa, and our relationship had the exact same type of dysfunctional bp dynamic that had plagued us the four years prior in our r/s.

For me, Revolutionary Road is an ideal film for the non who is missing that special bp in their life and having trouble remembering the actual harsh reality that life entailed.

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« Reply #29 on: October 14, 2011, 08:27:22 AM »

This film RR is a rorschart ink blot, we see what resonates within us. In a prior post, the men all concurred or had similar responses to yours. The women saw what I saw in terms of the female perspective. In total, I saw both the man and wife contributing equally to the marital dysfunction with husband taking on NPD role and wife a more BPD style role. If the film did not choose to take such  drastic measures in the end for wife's role I wonder how it would change the perceptions? The opening scene has husband pestering his wife over a Community theater production she had starred in. The production did not go well, it had been a humiliating experience for her, rather than going out and partying she asked to just go home, it was clear she wanted to be alone and lick her wounds. Husband could not let it go. Could not just let her feel badly ... .She was being quiet but he incessantly needles her in the car driving home until she finally yells at him to stop the car and she jumps out to get away from him. He comes after her and continues at her, at one point raging at her and slamming his fist onto the car as she cringes not knowing if he is going to hit her. This is the opening of the movie. Why can't he just let het be in a bad mood ? Why can't he just let her be quiet? Why can't he validate any of her feelings? It's like her bad mood reflects poorly on him or ruins his ability to have his own experience separate from hers. In the movie the husband speaks constantly of how they are no ordinary couple but special. He missed his opportunity for greatness by getting married and having kids, but underneath it he is special. Wife provides the idea of moving to Paris, she will work, he can focus on finly manifesting his specialness ala Hemingway by not having to work and concentrating on his writing. He loves the idea and loves het for thinking of it. As reality approaches, he has an affair with a girl in his office and accepts a promotion in a career he states is beneath him, and in the end balks at the move to Paris. Wife saw this as het escape from living forever in the suburbs, raiding kids, and being the husbands scapegoat for why he never was able to manifest his special greatness. I thought the role of the mentally ill friend was riveting, he saw right through both of them as a very dysfunctional couple. It is a fascinating movie.
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« Reply #30 on: October 14, 2011, 12:10:57 PM »

My take on five things in April's life that failed to fill the void inside of her as she and Frank so desperately hoped they would.  I'll bet the idea and going through the motions, drunken on the new and exciting idea was some relief to both her and Frank, but inevitably always ended them back in the same distraught place, with April leading the way.

1.) Acting in community theater

2.) Marrying Frank, "the most interesting man she ever met."

3.) Buying the big house in the suburbs that she "loved".

4.) Getting drunk and having up sex with the neighbor.

5.) Moving to Paris

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« Reply #31 on: October 14, 2011, 12:14:45 PM »

I know this is a little off topic, but theres an episode of 30 Rock where Alec Baldwin's character dates a woman played by Jeniffer Aniston. If you want a funny take on dating a high-conflict woman, check it out.
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« Reply #32 on: October 14, 2011, 12:49:34 PM »

Revolutionary Road really struck a chord with me. I think my mother is most probably NPD and being raised in a house where the main rule was "if mother is not happy, no one is happy" and it is a "husbands job to make sure his wife is happy", probably didn't help much.

My ubpw could have talked me into almost anything for a time, especially if I thought it meant she would look at me and treat me the way I so desperately wanted her to.  Going from "not being a man" lower than dirt status, instantly changed to "you are a man" and worshiped is kryptonite for a man with a fragile ego IMO.

While living with my upbw, I felt if she wasn't happy, then what kind of an insensitive pig would I be for being happy. I would only allow myself to truly relax and feel good about things, if my wife was in a good mood and mental place. I don't think she ever really understood this. Now, here I am feeling sorry for myself for months and feeling guilty and bad about life because I think she is an ocean away feeling depressed. I don't know that she is even feeling depressed.  She was the last time we spoke, but what if she is? Why should I base my emotions on her emotional barometer? Doesn't make sense anymore. Looking back it never should have made sense at all, not for an instant.

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« Reply #33 on: October 14, 2011, 01:00:14 PM »

There is a scene in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" where Jim Carrey's character, Joel, is having Clementine erased from his memory, that speaks to the deep wounds that a relationship with a pwBPD reopens in us that is just brilliantly insightful.

Joel is trying to "hide" a memory of Clementine in a place where they won't think of looking for it - a childhood memory.  He is under the kitchen table in his childhood home, and his mother is busy talking to a friend.  At one point he says something to the effect of, "why do I have this incredible need for her to see me (meaning his mom)?  It's so powerful."  It's that same need, the need of a child for his mother's undistracted attention, that fuels our compulsive need for the love of our persons with BPD.  This was a lightbulb moment for me.
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« Reply #34 on: October 14, 2011, 04:20:29 PM »

2010 posted the below on the thread about NPD v. BPD. I had to post it here because to me, it describes the dysfunctional "dance" (what an appropriate word) of the couple in Revolutionary Road perfectly.

" Some therapists say that the mirroring behaviors of Borderline *compliance (*in the beginning stages) do really provide entrapment for a Narcissist.

Borderlines are chameleons, and they evaluate the *needs* of others in order to attach or “fuse” to them in enmeshment, but the Narcissist needs a safety zone of protection (control) that disallows for fusion unless it is done in perfection- which is realistically impossible.  Therefore the pathology exists in fantasy thinking that each objectifies the other in neediness that has nothing to do with reality.  The ideal person does not exist except in the ideal. Therefore the couple spends most of their time trying to dance around reality- a disaster waiting to happen.  Both people are trying to prevent their schemas from being triggered- and both people are choosing the other to work through the uncomfortable feelings about loss of control and re-work the compulsive coping mechanisms that were put into play from early childhood."
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« Reply #35 on: October 14, 2011, 07:20:15 PM »

Margot at the Wedding (2007)

Awesome Jim, Thank you for the recommendation. Nicole Kidman is incredible as bp Margot. After watching the film, I can't tell you how disgusted I am with myself for being so attracted to Margot and to the real women like her in my life. I have masturbated to the thought of her masturbating in a scene which shows her face down, alone in bed, and pleasuring herself (not my usual film reaction). If I knew where Margot lived I would somehow go and introduce myself. And this is why I am home alone watching films featuring folks with bp and not out dating. Why am I so drawn to these totally fukced up women? Did you see her climb that tree?

Not only can she climb the shti out of a tree, but she is physically beautiful, highly sexual, and creative too. Meeting her reality equivalent at this point in my recovery would be like setting a syringe full of heroin in front of Keith Richards. Even with all my new found knowledge about pb, at this point, I would still go for it.

I have been alone for months and have only really seriously thought about dating one woman. After finding this site and discovering bp, I see that she too is a good candidate for bp. She is a good friend of my niece (currently living on my sofa) and my niece has told me of her railing at her ex bf for hours due to her dreaming that he had cheated on her... .

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« Reply #36 on: October 14, 2011, 07:54:31 PM »

Excerpt
"Notes On A Scandal."

Don't let this one get lost. Really nasty! I haven't seen Rev Road but will get it. This is a great thread. I am teaching a course on Evil in the spring and want to do a segment on psychological evil and may use a film... .So, lots of viewing "pleasure" ahead of me.

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« Reply #37 on: October 14, 2011, 08:34:02 PM »

Margot at the Wedding (2007) - yes, directed by Noah Baumbach, who also did Greenberg - featuring another pwBPD in the Ben Stiller character. I hate to add this one, because the info is essentially the spoiler. Suddenly it's... .uh-huh, Idea

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« Reply #38 on: October 15, 2011, 01:21:34 AM »

Notes on a Scandal (2006)

Thanks for the recommendation Diotima. Right on about this one being particularly “nasty”.

I once saw a cat batting around a half-dead mouse. The unfortunate mouse would play dead in an attempt to get the cat to lose interest, but the cat would invariably and methodically slap the mouse with its huge paws until the mouse was rendered unconscious. The cat would then patiently wait until the mouse would come to and try to run away. The cat would then violently engulf the mouse in its mouth, and the mouse would instinctively freeze in terror. This would continue, again-and-again, until the mouse's life was finally extinguished.

It seems to me that the cat, which was extremely well fed, was not killing out of need or hunger, but simply for the thrill of this torturous dance. Watching “Notes on a Scandal” was like watching a house cat (BP Barbara) toy with her latest and most unfortunate mouse (Sheba).

A scene early in the movie depicts Barbara (Judi Dench) passing by Sheba's Art class,  witnessing Sheba (Cate Blanchett) having trouble breaking up a fight between two of her male students. Barbara sees this as her chance to rescue/engage Sheba and seizes the opportunity.  As a sign of gratitude, Sheba reaches out to Barbara by asking her out for coffee, thus beginning their long and tragic bp dance.

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« Reply #39 on: October 15, 2011, 02:41:02 AM »

Notes on a Scandal (2006)

It seems to me that the cat, which was extremely well fed, was not killing out of need or hunger, but simply for the thrill of this torturous dance. Watching “Notes on a Scandal” was like watching a house cat (BP Barbara) toy with her latest and most unfortunate mouse (Sheba).

Interesting analysis. I guess I saw it more along the lines of Barbara (the BPD played by Judi Dench) as being a deeply tragic figure - she so desperately longs to enter into a loving relationship with another person, but does not know how to do it without being too much/consuming and controlling her "host."  I find the film to be a very interesting - and rare - portrait of an aging BPD, who can no longer user her good looks and charm to lure people in. It was great to see as an alternative depiction of this illness to all of the sassy BPD vixens we've seen in the guise of Sharon Stone, Glenn Close, etc.

I'll never forget the scene where we hear that Barbara's ex (or ex fantasy?) filed a restraining order against her and that the ex's new partner got sent a burial wreath by Barbara - must be one of the most chilling moments I've ever seen on film. Go see this movie, everyone!
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« Reply #40 on: October 15, 2011, 03:05:26 AM »

Sofie, I agree with you completely about Barbara being an excellent portrait of an older woman with bp. Definitely not your typical femme fatale. Thanks for the recommendation. I would like to see a film or two depicting a male bp. Seems like all of the films thus far have featured female bp's. I know it is not as common, but surely enough to warrant a film or two.
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« Reply #41 on: October 15, 2011, 11:04:34 AM »

Watch the Talented Mr. Ripley for a high functioning male BPD in love with a NPD male, and the web of triangles and tragedy he spins. It's a very well done film. BPD male played by Matt Damon, NPD male played by Jude Law, both are superb.
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« Reply #42 on: October 15, 2011, 01:52:05 PM »

Vicky, Christiana, Barcelona (2008)

Thanks for the recommendation UpNorth. I'm also planning to watch "Gun Crazy" as soon as I can locate a copy.

This film was a refreshing break from the stark heaviness of “Notes on a Scandal”. Leave it to Woody Allen to write a slap stick dramedy about BPD, because nothing says funny like a bp women with a gun... .Three women in Spain, two American tourists, and one volatile bp “genius” artist played by Penelope Cruz (wonderful in the film), all competing for the affection of one sensitive Spanish painter, Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem).

Up until about a week ago I assumed all of my relationship problems could be chalked up to bad luck, but  after watching these films featuring so many women suffering with bp, I am beginning to see  that bp is, and has been my preferred type of woman for a very long time. Even now when watching a bp women on film, I feel an excitement stir within me. In retrospect, I never really went for conventional women like the character Vicky in the film, I guess I always found them dull and boring or just plain not volatile/passionate enough for my liking.

My mother who exhibits strong NPD and her Golden Boy, my older brother,  I think played a big role in  shaping my  now life-long preference for bp women.  Growing up I always wanted to be like my mother's golden boy, who was five years my senior. I saw him as bigger, smarter, and better looking than me in every way. And my mother was always there to reinforce this concept in her subtle as a sledge hammer type manner. My older brother's gf, now wife,  is definitely a high-functioning bp.  This SIL has looked at me with contempt and utter disdain since I was a kid. Still unsure as to why I constantly seek approval from these women? Looking back, her approval has always been very important to me, yet I think she is an asshoel in many ways. I even went to the same Uni. as my SIL, where I found my very own wife with bp.

Looking at this honestly, It is like I have unconsciously aspired to be like some kind of horse whisperer, but for bp women. Arrogantly thinking: Yes I know they leave a trail of devastated men in their wake, but I am so sensitive and insightful, I will be able to break through, calm her down, and she will love me for it. Need to stop thinking this way and remember how unromantic and truly hellish everyday life was with my estranged ubpw.

And also stop thinking that a r/s with a women with bp is a good trade-off. Tolerating the rages and outbursts so you can enjoy the intense love and love making. Used to think it was a matter of strength and not one of personal boundaries. As if somehow the other guys weren't strong/smart enough for their bp women, but since I am like my gb brother,  could handle it.

I appreciated the scene, near  the end  of the film, when Juan is trying to describe his feelings toward Maria Helena, his estranged uwbp. “We are meant for each other, and not meant for each other. It's a contradiction. In order to understand it, you need to be a poet like my father, because I don't.”  If I knew Juan's email address, I would send him a link to this wonderful forum so he could begin to understand it. 

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« Reply #43 on: October 15, 2011, 03:22:30 PM »

I am submitting  "B. Monkey" (1998) to the list of films featuring pwBPD.  Excellent cast and great music in this one. Has anyone else seen this film?
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« Reply #44 on: October 15, 2011, 06:27:14 PM »

Excerpt
My mother who exhibits strong NPD and her Golden Boy, my older brother

This just gave me a  Idea  What about Mary Tyler Moore in Ordinary people... .not so ordinary!

Munchxo
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« Reply #45 on: October 15, 2011, 09:36:54 PM »

Ordinary People is one of my all time favorite movies, it is so well done.  And yes, the mother's role played by Mary Tyler Moore is so NPD, it's chilling.  Greg Lester trains clinicians in personality disorders and specializes in treating PD... .he also pegged this role as a NPD example, with the father (Donald Sutherland) who just lets it go and refuses to see how dysfunctional his wife is and what it's doing to his son (until the end) as avoidant personality.  The mother is like ice in this movie, but with a finely honed and very pleasant exterior that passes very well in polite society, making the boy feel all the more 'nutz' for not being 'comfortable' around her or having his own feelings... .this has many similarities to stuff in my family, and the family I first married into also... . ugh... .I found myself identifying very strongly with the son in this movie... .who would have likely ended up dead if not for his therapist played by Judd Hirsch.  Such a fantastic move. This movie is one of the reasons why I was so interested when I was young in becoming a therapist. This movie is a gem.

Rotgut, have you seen this? 
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« Reply #46 on: October 15, 2011, 09:41:32 PM »

I'm watching The Holiday right now.  Kate Winslett as the long suffering co-dep to her creepy NPD ex  who keeps leading her on.  This movie is pretty light hearted fair over all, but that relationship is painful to watch and strikes some very sad and familiar chordes.  In the end she stops with the Codep bullsh**... .thank GOD!  Basically by immersing herself with normal, loving people... .something I try to do all the time now... .it is a very important part of healing. 
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« Reply #47 on: October 15, 2011, 11:09:50 PM »

The War of the Roses (1989)

Thanks for the recommendation pallavirajsingh.

I initially saw this movie as a kid in the theater and thought it was hilarious. Watched it again tonight and did not find it funny in the least. To me it was like a comedic version of Revolutionary Road, which to me would be as funny as a comedic version of Shindler's List.

The husband (Michael Douglas) strikes me as NPD and the wife (Kathleen Turner) as BPD. That is until midway into the film at least, when they are both raging BPD. This movie just made me sad and I don't think I'll be watching anymore “comedies” that deal with bp r/s. A smart dramady fine,  but no more bp “comedies”.

When the wife wakes her husband up at 3 am to verbally & pysically abuse him, that jarred some very unpleasant memories in me. What is it about pwbp that motivates them to attack their partner at their most vulnerable? While we are sleeping, showering, making love to them.  BAM BAM BAM ATTAACKATTACKATTACK.

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« Reply #48 on: October 15, 2011, 11:52:26 PM »

Mabyeso,

Ordinary People is definitely on my Watch List. I can picture the characters , but do not really remember the film all that well. When I watch OP, it will probably definitely be a more frightening experience than a good horror film like Psycho, or The Shining.

The funny thing is, before I got with my estranged ubpw, I liked films like the ones we've listed, but during my ten year r/s my SO would not watch dramas. She did not like them at all. I was supposed to be the lucky guy whose SO didn't drag her husband to see a sappy chic flick drama   , but I don't happen to share this mentality.

I think maybe she didn't like them b/c, like has been said on many other threads, she didn't have room for anyone else's emotional drama. She was all filled up with her own. After seeing the opening scenes of Melancholia, I can imagine her hands were indeed quite full at the time.
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« Reply #49 on: October 16, 2011, 03:08:10 AM »

I heard the movie "Rachel getting married" depicts a BPD.
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« Reply #50 on: October 16, 2011, 11:38:41 AM »

Excerpt
Awesome Jim, Thank you for the recommendation. Nicole Kidman is incredible as bp Margot. After watching the film, I can't tell you how disgusted I am with myself for being so attracted to Margot and to the real women like her in my life. I have masturbated to the thought of her masturbating in a scene which shows her face down, alone in bed, and pleasuring herself (not my usual film reaction). If I knew where Margot lived I would somehow go and introduce myself. And this is why I am home alone watching films featuring folks with bp and not out dating. Why am I so drawn to these totally fukced up women? Did you see her climb that tree?

Not only can she climb the shti out of a tree, but she is physically beautiful, highly sexual, and creative too. Meeting her reality equivalent at this point in my recovery would be like setting a syringe full of heroin in front of Keith Richards. Even with all my new found knowledge about pb, at this point, I would still go for it.

No sweat rotgut - glad I could help. I found Nicole Kindman's portrayal of a BPD the most realistic because she pays the role so subtly - the way most PDs are in reality.  It's like how TV and Hollywood portray sociopaths as serial killers or organized crime leaders etc. when in reality they are mostly harmless self serving "dime store hoods" and pains in the ass.  The book "The Sociopath Next Door" highlights this and the danger that most of society isn't able to recognize or identify these potentially dangerous triats because of what they expect based on the above mentioned extreme portrayals in media.

I too find her character incredibly attractive.  I too am drawn to these types of women far more than normal "boring" types - and this is a damn shame Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  I remember going to pay for one of my many speeding tickets and being instantly attracted to this woman who was playing with her shoe in a very sexy way while trying to sweet talk her way out of a ticket.  So as she and I are beside each other filling out paper work I ask her about the half dozen tickets she appears to be holding.  She instantly just started talking to me about them and how many she gets and what her fastest speed was and how she'd lost her license several times.

I was so attracted to this woman I can remember starting to get aroused as I was talking to her.  I was so tempted to ask for her number but I stopped myself - since I already had a high drama BPD in my life.  I can remember driving back to the office with this ridiculous smile on my face.  I later called my BPD gf at work and she could tell I was distracted about something or in a strangely good mood or something.  I think it was the fact that I realized right then and there that this is the type of woman I am most attracted to - and you can't manufacture that - it just is what it is.  Other people don't get it.   Other guys think I am nuts for putting up with her nonsense.

Mostly women think I am "too nice" (her own mother being one of them) but as I said to my buddy the other night at dinner who said I'm too nice, "I don't think I'm too nice at all, it's much more complicated than that".  What you have described is what I mean by being much more complicated because the real issue is us and why we are attracted to this type of person.  My therapist knows this inherently about me.  I have likened her to heroin many times myself because of my addiction to her and funny enough my ex even gets it wrong - she thinks I am "obsessive compulsive" for example because I work out so much.  I know my personality type well though and my type generally, like myself, are prone to addiction - I have just mostly chosen healthy addictions myself.  The irony is I am mostly addicted to her - I go out to her place for the weekend and get my "fix" from her - we aren't even sexual any more but I still get some kind of pleasure stimulation just from being around her.  I mostly like the fact it feels like a normal family and that I somehow fit in.  She even said recently that I can't leave her because I am "part of the family" (I truly have been indoctrinated into her highly dysfunctional family).

Excerpt
Up until about a week ago I assumed all of my relationship problems could be chalked up to bad luck, but  after watching these films featuring so many women suffering with bp, I am beginning to see  that bp is, and has been my preferred type of woman for a very long time. Even now when watching a bp women on film, I feel an excitement stir within me. In retrospect, I never really went for conventional women like the character Vicky in the film, I guess I always found them dull and boring or just plain not volatile/passionate enough for my liking.

My first marriage I'm certain failed because my ex wife ultimately didn't excite me.  I loved her dearly but I was bored by her I think.  I didn't respect her because she wasn't tough or btchy or strong.  She was so needy and I resented my role as leader and quaid father figure because of that.  I believe I am a fairly dominant male (not bossy or pushy but tough and calm when others freak out and not afraid of authority and not afraid of conflict).  With my BPD ex gf she is so alpha female that I feel like I can relax when I'm with her and I do.  I don't mind (in fact I think I like it) when she her goes off on her nutty rages with her mom (and me be the one who is calm and defuses the situation) or getting into conflict with someone in public (especially if the person deserves it Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)).  That's pretty warped I suppose huh?

Excerpt
Looking at this honestly, It is like I have unconsciously aspired to be like some kind of horse whisperer, but for bp women. Arrogantly thinking: Yes I know they leave a trail of devastated men in their wake, but I am so sensitive and insightful, I will be able to break through, calm her down, and she will love me for it. Need to stop thinking this way and remember how unromantic and truly hellish everyday life was with my estranged ubpw.

And also stop thinking that a r/s with a women with bp is a good trade-off. Tolerating the rages and outbursts so you can enjoy the intense love and love making. Used to think it was a matter of strength and not one of personal boundaries. As if somehow the other guys weren't strong/smart enough for their bp women, but since I am like my gb brother,  could handle it.

This is EXACLTY how I feel.  I also don't know many others who do and even within non BPD circles I feel alone in that regard.  I often think of myself as the "BPD Whisperer" Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) and I often believe that I am one of the only men strong enough or accepting or open or forgiving enough to deal with her craziness.  I think she does too but neither of us seems to know how to get that sexual and intimate chemistry back.  It's like we don't trust each other to not hurt one another.  I said to her one time "I feel like we are two alpha tigers who don't know whether to fight or ".  So we just kind of have this "relationship detente" going on.  I don't know how to fix it.  

I pulled away from her recently when she complained about her gf setting her up on a dinner date with her and her new bf.  But then she went out with him again! - and then had the neighbour over for dinner a few nights later (the one she complained to me about - probably to make me jealous - in the summer and that she was glad I was there as a good excuse to not do dinner) and then another one later that we week with this guy who would call every now and then who is a chiropractic client of her dad's.  I expected this though -it's one of her sudden impulsive episodes where I guess she is suddenly grasping for that identiy she so craves but clearly doesn't seem to have.  She wasn't dating anyone all summer and was having me out almost every weekend and sometimes during the week (we live about an hour apart at opposite ends of the megalopolis Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)) and then all of a sudden this.

So I told her I can't do this anymore - it's not fair to her son, to me, to her, etc.  She then got so upset that she wouldn't have me in her life anymore.  I don't understand how she thinks she can have me around as her "pretend boyfriend", as my massage therapist calls it, and date other guys. So I've been out a few times since then because I am a sucker (as I said addiction is a hard thing to break away from) but I've also been trying very hard to get my "fix" elsewhere.  Last Thursday I went out with a group of coworkers when we were on training - our director took us out for a night on the town at the end of it.  I was getting hit on by a female coworker and flirted back and then also later in the night I was up dancing with lots of ladies who eventually started grinding on me two at a time.  I ended up making out with one on the dancefloor in front of a female manager and coworkers - oops - there goes my impulses.

Last night I went out because a bunch of the staff from my local pub, mostly university aged females, invited me out for another girl's bday.  I ended up dancing with this super hot Russian girl who is way too young for me but somehow really seems to dig me (I seriously don't get it).  She kept texting me to come to the after party but I wisely went home.  This is tough on me but it is helping break away and I know this.  It really hurts.  I love her and want to have a family with her but I also know how impossible that is and then me out being a "player" with all these girls half my age (even the one from Thursday night had to be a 20 something) is so awkward and unhealthy and a bit dangerous.  I feel guilty too because I have gotten really good at the seduction game - but it's really the only thing that works.  "Going for coffee" doesn't create sexual tension or intimacy and I know this - so I am trying to make that happen first and then work towards long term if it starts to work.  I've tried the other way for years and now know how unsuccessful that way is.  Clearly I'm a mess right now though.

I do know that I am the one with as much of a problem as she as - as you are also keenly aware of with yourself.  I can't want to settle down and have a family on one hand (I really do - and I'm now 43 - even though the young girls often think I am in my late 20s or early 30s) and then pursue crazy, dysfunctional, and unstable women on the other and be able to achieve both.  I need to work on that somehow (I don't know how to change who and what I am attracted to - it's kinda built in to your personality type which I believe is mostly innate).
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« Reply #51 on: October 18, 2011, 02:43:46 PM »

Awesome Jim,

Thanks for your candid honesty. I had an intense world wind affair with the zaniest, craziest BP male I could ever find and I miss the hell out of him. I too was married to a wonderfully balanced man: attractive, tall, funny, a hard worker bee, and responsible but in many ways he bored the hell out of me. I couldn't get excited about him and ultimately our sex life went to ___.

I love my ex-hubby as friend and roommate but the sexual spark was what was missing from my otherwise fulfilling life. When BPD ex came into the picture it was like a sleeping dragon awakening. I've never felt more alive being with that crazy fool. I've been in therapy for over 6 months, I've cried, mourned and grieved and yet I still long for my BPDex.    ? ? ? I think of him everyday as I do my best to move on with my life. I know he isn't good for me, but we had a lot of fun and shared a lot of love and I can't seem to shake the ruminating over what was. He was the biggest loser and the world's worst boyfriend ever but the sexual chemistry was really unlike anything I've ever experienced.

I really hate myself for longing for someone who not only treated me like crap but I hate myself for not appreciating the healthy wonderful person that I had in my ex-husband. I want great sex but I won't ever forget the BPD crazy; it broke my heart into a million pieces to realize actualize how sick the ex really was... .

I want to believe that its possible to find unbelievable sex and emotionally grounded balance... .but I don't know... .life seems like one or the other... .

HG

HG
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« Reply #52 on: October 18, 2011, 05:53:27 PM »

Yeah today and yesterday I got to hear all about her anxieties surrounding her changing jobs (she just handed in her resignation yesterday and her coworkers had it announced today).  She didn't think anyone liked her but is finding out the opposite today.  I think she will live to regret this decision but maybe I'm wrong.  I hope so.

I do love crazy women.  Strangely I've always respected women who are sexually promiscuous when others hold them in disdain.  Obviously I respect mothers and family oriented women but I don't hold the two as tied together.  I don't respect prudish people in general.  I am a very open person and I hate having to sensor myself or watch my Ps and Qs per se.  I love women who are very sexual.  I don't know why.  Life is short, why should people feel guilty for being the human animals we are.  I think people who control every impulse and watch everything they say and pretend not to be sexual beings or have sexual needs are so messed up and allow themselves to be victims of social conditioning.

I guess I don't see supposed crazy women as crazy then - perhaps I respect them because they are real and honest.  Yes I am certain that's the truth.  The girl I made out with the other night I respect her so much for being so natural and just letting herself live in the moment.  We just kissed for a few minutes, parted ways, and that was it - but so what, it was fun and nobody got hurt.  I'm sure it was good for her too Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).
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« Reply #53 on: October 19, 2011, 11:30:30 AM »

Thank you all for your input and recommendations. Watching these films is going along way to help me understand and recognize BPD behavior. Watching them also stirs many memories of my own r/s with my uBPD W.  It is amazing to now see this behavior for what it is, and no longer take it so damn personally. Below is the latest list of films that depict characters with BPD, in no particular order except for Betty Blue is still on top.  Some have been omitted, due to my belief that they exhibit primarily sociopath behavior more than BPD, Basic Instinct or Angilena Jolie's Character in Girl Interrupted. . Also if they are predominantly NPD they too have been deleted from this particular list, Joan Crawford/Mommy Dearest. The month  of October is still fairly young and I am slowly, but steadily making my way through the remainder of these films. Next on my watch list is Ordinary People (1980), Factory Girl (2006), and Gaslight (1944). If you know of a film that depicts a pwBPD, and its not on the list, please add it. If you do I will watch it. Many thanks.

1.) Betty Blue (1986) Lovely Betty

2.) Girl Interrupted (1999) Wynona Ryder's character

3.) My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) Uma Thurman's character

4.) Vicky, Christina, Barcelona (2008) Penelope Cruz's character

5.) Margot at the Wedding (2007) The incredible Nicole Kidman

6.) Melancholia (2011) Kirsten Dunst

7.) Gia (1998) Angelina Jolie

8.) Notes on a Scandal (2006) Judi Dench

9.) Revolutionary Road (2008) Kate Winslet

10.) The Virgin Suicides (1999) Kathleen Turner

11.) Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind  (2004) Kate Winslet

12.) Blue Sky (1994) Jessica Lange

13.) Coraline (Mother in the Alternate/Shtty Realm)

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« Reply #54 on: October 19, 2011, 11:51:20 AM »

My ex male fiancee and I watched Blue Sky together.  He told me at the end of the movie that he felt uncomfortable watching Jessica Lange's performance because she actually reminded him of some of his own behaviors... .
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« Reply #55 on: October 19, 2011, 11:52:18 AM »

Which of the films on this list depict waif BPD? My uBPD W is most definitely a waif, and since this distinction is very new to me, I would appreciate any input here.

I think I am attracted to both types of wwBPD. In the past I had r/s with a least three BPD women.  When in college I thought I was breaking my streak by dating my now uBPD waif W. She was not like my normal preference, which was very much like the Kate Winslet character in Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind. She was much more like the high functioning Margot Character n Margot at the Wedding, (but also physically violent). Why would I be attracted to different shades of the same disorder ? Intensity?
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« Reply #56 on: October 19, 2011, 12:04:42 PM »

I have not seen all on this list yet... .I need to start going through them... .  I would assume Jessica Lange in Blue Sky is classic BPD waif.  She is about as waify as they get.

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« Reply #57 on: October 19, 2011, 12:25:38 PM »

maybe so, I can't tell you how attracted I was to Jessica Lange's character in Blue Sky. Jessica Lange is beautiful anyway, but her character's single mindedness, intensity, and hyper-sexuality was just my cup of tea.

I've been thinking a lot about the origins of my attraction to these type of women, and remembered something that I think may be significant. I recently remembered that as a young teenager, I was watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off with my older brother. I remember watching his face light up as he watched Ferris's overtly btchy sister berate anyone unfortunate enough to be in her path. I remember my brother saying, "she's so hot". And I was surprised by this, b/c I personally thought she was kind of scary. He went on to say, "I bet she's a great lay". I found this intriguing and in hindsight m/b this is when I unconsciously began to associate bp behavior with sex.  And began looking for these traits in potential gfs b/c in my twisted mind btchy/crazy=great in bed. 
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« Reply #58 on: October 19, 2011, 02:18:58 PM »

Jessica Lange is gorgeous, when I first saw her in Tootsie I got a crush on her and I'm not even gay.  Some people actually have said I look like her ... .YEAH!

However... .her role as a BPD waif in Blue Sky is a hot mess.  Yes she's sultry and always hot to trot,

but omg... .she is a spectacle and an embarrassment to her husband and her daughter's, she's destructive and volatile, her husband almost ends up confined to mental ward,  she is self absorbed and incredibly immature. She seeks constant attention from anything with a penis.  Since it's a movie all works out okay in the end for the storyline,  but you know in real life that this character would wreak havoc with her family and others for years to come and that the damage would be considerable.

Is the hot sex really worth all that? 

OMG, I wouldn't think so! 

Hey... .why don't you find a normal woman that will 'play act' the 'bad girl' ... .for fun, in the bedroom... .and because it's hot and sexy... .but stay away from the real thing in real life! 
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« Reply #59 on: October 25, 2011, 01:23:12 AM »

Election (1999) Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Starring: Mathew Broderick, Reese Witherspoon, & Chris Klein.

Don't know how this one stayed off the BPD film list for this long.

The StorylineBP)"Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon)is running unopposed for this year's high school student election. But school civics teacher Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick) has a different plan. Partly to establish a more democratic election, and partly to satisfy some deep personal anger toward Tracy, Jim talks popular varsity football player Paul Metzler (Chris Klein) to run for president as well. Chaos ensues."

This movie is like a study in the BPD/NPD r/s. Tracy seems to exhibit many BPD traits, and her mother the classic NPD/Pageant/Stage Mom. Tracy is an only child, and her single NPD mother seems to be living out her ambitions through Tracy. Telling her: "Very few people are destined to be special. And if your going to be great, you've got to be lonely”.

To Tracy, “winning is the most important thing”. I loved her opening line in the film. "None of this would have happened if Mr.McAllister wouldn't have done what he did. You can't mess with destiny. And if you try, you only get hurt."  She seems to realize that any outward acts of bad behavior would jeopardize her overall “winning” of the election. This keeping up with societal norms, seems to be the prime motivator in keeping her dysregulation in check.  Tracy also has victim mentality and paints her classmate Paul(Chris Klein) black, as soon as she realizes he is competition in the election, she rages "these spoiled rich kids have no idea how hard I have to work,sacrifices, etc.,etc... ."

Midway through the film, when Tracy feels that she is losing control of the election, she dysregulates. She goes completely ape sht and violently tears up all of the candidates campaign posters. Riddling her hands with paper cuts in the process.

Tracy's sexual affair with Dave, her man-child/NPD/HS teacher, is hilarious. He is that HS teacher who only teaches so he could stay in HS. He tells Tracy how "special" she is and how "only he can understand her". NPD Dave is even going to let Tracy read his novel (that he hasn't written yet).

The other pwBPD I see is Susan, Dave's wife.  She seduces Mr.McAllister  only to destroy his family later that afternoon with a phone call to his wife. And later Susan tells Mr. McAllister her very different version of their short affair, telling him “I was lonely and you took advantage”. BPD: Feelings=Facts.

This is a very fun film. Much of the behavior seems very familiar. I would love to hear your thoughts on this film and what BPD traits you see. If anyone agrees that Tracy is BPD. What type is she? And what type of BPD would  Susan, Dave's wife be considered?


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« Reply #60 on: November 04, 2011, 01:34:43 AM »

Gaslight (1944)

   Ingrid Bergman is amazing. She is beautiful in that very Swedish kind of way. Anyone that uses the term “gaslight” and has not seen this film. Wow. I would highly recommend checking it out. It is old, but has aged very, very well. And the plot is incredibly applicable to the BPD family experience. Charles Boyer plays Gregory Anton, the evil count chocula demeanored SP husband, and his wife Paula, is played by the lovely Ingrid Bergman. The count systematically  gaslights his wife by constantly staging events, intentionally designed to make  his wife question her own sanity. Sound familiar? From my own BPD relationship, I personally recall many instances of my upbd wife telling me, after a particularly hurtful rage, “I never said that” or “you have a very vivid imagination” or “you are the sick one” to the point where I questioned it myself. In hindsight I had to be in a pretty bad place to seriously question my own sanity. I highly recommend this film. You can watch the 1940 British Version of Gaslight on You Tube for free. I did not see this film. I opted for the Ingrid Bergman Version, which was fairly difficult to track down. Finally found a copy at a local video store after exhausting all online/instant watch options. The British version however, is supposed to also be very good. But there is no Ingrid Bergman in that one.

Spotlight on the Spotless Mind (2003)

I had to watch this one film in segments for some reason. Very good film and one compelling concept: Come out of the FOG instantly by using memory erasing software. How tempting would that be?  Kirstin Dundst costars in this film with Jim Carey and Kate Winslet, the second time both actress have appeared in films on this list.  Dunst is as watchable in this film as she is in Melancholia (2011). She seems very capable at portraying a personality disordered individual. Very capable. And Kate Winslet plays a different shade of a pwBPD. Her BPD portrayal in this film is vastly different from her BPD character in Revolutionary Road. While watching her performance I could not help, but keep thinking of Gloria Swanson as BPD Norma Desmond in Sunset Blvd (1950). The characters are strikingly similar. Chihiro your comment about when Jim Carey's character Joel, is a child under his mother's kitchen table saying “"why do I have this incredible need for her to see me (meaning his mom)?  It's so powerful."  It's that same need, the need of a child for his mother's undistracted attention, that fuels our compulsive need for the love of our persons with BPD.  This was a lightbulb moment for me." This was a   Idea moment for me as well, or I feel it's about to be any way. My mother is NPD and your observation has been a recurring thought since you recommended this film. Is this why I'm attracted, drawn like a magnet, to BPD women? Just tonight I was unharactheristicly chatting with a  girl in a shop that was wearing teeth whitening strips Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) , was displaying her ample breastsred-flag , and was chatting me up in a very nice, very forward wayred-flag . At this point, I am thinking she probably BPD or some other  _ _ D, but god at this moment, do I want her to keep looking at me .

Factory Girl (2006)

Sienna Miller is great as Edie Sedgwick.  Andy Warhol comes across as the biggest D-Bag in the 60's (next to J. Edgar ~). Still dig his art work? Using the term “his” very loosely, but man what a Vulture. Fairly interesting film, if you don't mind the image of one of your favorite Pop Artists ruined. But other than that, it is an interesting film, although it did not resonate with any of my own personal experiences with BPD. And that is what his exercise has been about for me.

I have found watching films that depict BPD behavior to be very helpful in putting my own experience into perspective somehow, or maybe it is just that misery loves company, and I am like a rubbernecker on the interstate careening his neck to gawk at a gruesome scene. It is strange how comforting these films have been for me. Anyone who has read this far, thank you . And I hope that by watching some of these films, we've all listed, maybe will be helpful to others here as well.

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« Reply #61 on: November 04, 2011, 07:00:36 AM »

I had to watch this one film in segments for some reason. Very good film and one compelling concept: Come out of the FOG instantly by using memory erasing software. How tempting would that be?  Kirstin Dundst costars in this film with Jim Carey and Kate Winslet, the second time both actress have appeared in films on this list. 

Weirdly, both of those actresses are on my "dislike" list. I have no conscious reason for it. Angelina Jolie too. Hmmmmm.

This thread was a good read. I um kinda sorta er don't like movies so no way would I watch them all on my own. I'm curious about them though.

Are you in therapy, rotgut? Might help with that "uncontrollable" attraction. My attraction to psychos has dropped dramatically in the last year. 
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« Reply #62 on: November 04, 2011, 07:48:30 AM »

Gaslight is a trip Rotgut! That film was my second major Idea moment. That incessant, stealth and covert abuse was chilling. The scene at the end was priceless - watch those flickering lamps  . I wish I had a neighbour that nosey. I don't want to spoil it for other members but the triangulation (read definition) with the maid - well we have all been there.

You have to watch the original - I got it through eBay because I could not find it at blockbuster
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« Reply #63 on: November 04, 2011, 08:06:19 AM »

I first watched Gaslight many years ago, LONG before the dx of BPD was on my radar. It scared the crap out of me. I can't watch horror movies but figured this one would be "okay" and not "scary". Boy was I wrong.  It was so close to the BS lies and omissions and strange web that my BPDex would weave. Back then, I didn't think my BP was mentally ill, I just thought he was being a pr!ck.

I just rewatched Girl, Interrupted two days ago and it was gripping. I cried. I found a lot of parallels btwn Susanna and my BPDex- and it was nice to see that view of BPD, rather than Fatal Attraction.

Honestly, one reason why I ruled out BPD all these years was because my BPDex never exhibited those rages that all y'all talk about, and he never went into crazy stalker mode. "He never screams and he's not volatile, so it can't be BPD. Maybe it's bi-polar, maybe it's his PTSD... .but not BPD."  So when he was finally dx'ed with BPD it blew me out of the water, but at the same time, I was like, "It all makes sense now."  So when Susanna said things like "I don't know what I'm feeling now" I could really relate.
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« Reply #64 on: January 14, 2013, 10:19:08 AM »

Blue valentine with Michelle Williams and Ryan gosling

I thought the Ryan gosling character had some BPD traits. The way he idealised her in the beginning, with their whirlwind romance. They way he remained an underachiever later in life with problems with alcohol. I thought he was verbally abusive to Michelle Williams especially after the dog died. He was impulsive ( suddenly went to that cheesy hotel for a romantic night) . The intense jealousy he felt after Michelle met her ex in that shop. The alcohol fueled raging at her work place.

I realise now why this film affected me so much... .  

I remember really liking dean and disliking Michelle Williams a bit even though I could absolutely relate to her character.

That scene in the motel resonated with me so much... .  

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« Reply #65 on: January 14, 2013, 12:36:32 PM »

Read about Béatrice Dalle from Betty Blue... .  sounds as if she is close to BPD in real life.
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« Reply #66 on: January 14, 2013, 12:38:59 PM »

Honestly, one reason why I ruled out BPD all these years was because my BPDex never exhibited those rages that all y'all talk about, and he never went into crazy stalker mode. "He never screams and he's not volatile, so it can't be BPD. Maybe it's bi-polar, maybe it's his PTSD... .  but not BPD."  So when he was finally dx'ed with BPD it blew me out of the water, but at the same time, I was like, "It all makes sense now."  So when Susanna said things like "I don't know what I'm feeling now" I could really relate.

Not all of them rage... .  high functioning people with this disorder sometimes do not. A lot written on here about not trying to make every person with BPD or even traits the same.

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