Hi AKC. I will be happy to try to describe behaviors that I thought were BPD that ended up being autistic. Though I don’t know what behaviors the psychologists found similar. Apparently there is a lot of overlap. Here is a link to an article that you might find helpful.
https://www.autismresearchtrust.org/news/borderline-personality-disorder-or-autismAs to my personal experience, there are a few different behaviors that I attributed to BPD. I will list them, and include some notes on how I perceived things initially vs how I see things now.
Rigidity is one - very unyielding and uncompromising- my child is often determined to have her way. This isn’t just like a spoiled child thing, it is an intense need for control of her environment. It was easy to think this was a battle for control and just trying to be difficult but in reality it goes much deeper. An example is if I went in and cleaned up her untidy room, she would get extremely angry. I now understand that change is very difficult for her to accept. She likes things exactly where she left them, even if that place might not seem logical to me. Another common battle is over having her cell phone in her room at night. Even with the WiFi disabled and screen time shut off, she still must have the phone with her even though she can’t use it at all. She has an intense need to know what is happening ahead of time. I have learned that surprises are not a good idea at all with her. I have to remind her at least a day in advance of appointments with doctor, dentist, etc or if there is any change in our usual routine.
She will say things that sometimes seem mean and hurtful and I thought she was trying to hurt me and took things personally. After a hairstyle change, her first comment when I came home was to tell me that my hair looked horrible. I now realize that people with ASD often have no tact and are very blunt with what they say. She wasn’t being mean, just saying what she felt, with no filter at all. This absence of tact contributes to the problems with social interaction. Also, she is very often resistant to affection. In the past, I thought she would refuse to hug me out of spite or to try to hurt my feelings. I now understand that this is part of autism and I don’t try to get her to hug me, but I sure do enjoy the times when she feels comfortable and asks me for a hug.
Nothing seemed seriously wrong until puberty - then everything went haywire quickly. There has been self harm (cutting) in the past and she suffers from serious social anxiety. It is very often impossible to get her to get ready to do anything - mornings are always horrible in trying to get her to get dressed for school and we are always late. She is also late for things that she wants to do, like her own birthday parties. This seemed like defiance and just being difficult, but now I am learning that there is more involved in this behavior that just being difficult - it has to with ability. To think of doing more than one thing at a time throws her for a loop. Getting ready is a sequence of things - get out of bed, get dressed, put on shoes, go to bathroom, brush teeth, brush hair, eat breakfast, get backpack and get into car. In the past, when I told her 3 chores to do, she would do one and not the others - which I interpreted as being lazy or defiant. I know understand that I can’t tell her all three things at once, but must wait until one is done to tell her another or write them in a list she can refer to.
She is always resistant to go anywhere with me and doesn’t want to come out of her room when family or friends come over. I thought she was being rude and a bit snobby, but in reality she is almost paralyzed with social anxiety. Social anxiety is also the root of her school refusal.
Gender dysphoria is another problem that is sometimes present both with females with Aspergers or BPD. This became an issue both for my stepdaughter and my daughter around the age of 13.
She is sullen, withdrawn, has very few friends, is never really happy, seems to lack empathy and sympathy, has poor impulse control and often severe and frequent mood swings. She can get furious over something that would seem insignificant to some people but then might act like nothing happened a while later.
Sorry this has gotten so long. I guess in a nutshell, I used to think that many of the things she did and said were intentional and there was an intent to cause hurt. Now I am looking at things and realizing that many of these issues are a result of inability to understand and process things the way most people do. Understanding the reasons behind things can cause a big shift in the way we perceive them. It certainly doesn’t solve any problems and the behaviors are still hard to deal with, but I am learning that a different strategy is required to handle things.
