i say this without any judgment, but you guys are really killing yourselves with the drivebys. i understand what fuels it, and i understand that its easier said than done, to stop it. but i think youve gotta try, for both of your sakes. its not productive, it becomes addictive, and its emotional masochism. its actually kind of a curious phenomenon aside from that.
i wouldnt necessarily put a drive by past me, hypothetically. maybe i would at this stage. my ex lives an hour away, so its entirely out of the question. but as far back as first grade, i was doing bike bys
ive always been a bit obsessive. something ive had to work hard to keep in check. i know a bit about this sort of tendency. when i was in high school, a girl (who i believe happened to be with BPD) left me for another guy, but still had me around her finger. on a daily basis, i would read his online journal. he even knew i did so, as did she. i would read agonizing stuff that was completely contrary to the way she portrayed it. and like a child id get so mad and pouty over it, along with agonizing. i admit ive done similar things since, but that lesson stayed with me. the idea that, and i know you know this, but try to let it internalize, there is nothing there thats going to make you happy.
chances are, there will be something there that will upset you. and its actually that, that tends to trigger the anxiety to check. theres some relief when its not there. but your mind doesnt really rest. and then it continues to check. becomes addictive. if there is something there, but its meaningless, you will most likely spend a great deal of time over analyzing. what if you drive by, and the car is there, or not there? you have no way of knowing for certain that its why you think it is. so why torture yourself?
at the very least, think of it this way: you guys are spending valuable gasoline on these people
ill recommend two things that worked, in a permanent sort of sense for me. because i was having a terrible time either cyber peeking, trying not to cyber peek, or not thinking about cyber peeking, and it was only getting worse. i couldnt even see much. i finally stopped, and then it just became a matter of typing part of her name, so shed come up in that little thing on facebook, and i could see her profile picture thumbnail. just seeing a switch reminded me she was 'alive' and sent me into a tailspin. the lesson is giving into this is not going to improve your situation.
one was a product called passion flower that stopped my anxiety dead in its tracks. for some time in the aftermath of my breakup, i was experiencing anxiety attacks (not to be confused with panic attacks) that would come on within an hour of waking, and stay for hours. ive never experienced anything like that in my life and although i knew it wouldnt kill me, it was terrifying. i wanted it to stop. i started taking passion flower, and it did, completely. i can no longer remember what it was like. that was huge in stopping the tendencies to think about her, let alone peek at her.
the other was writing a list. for me, it made no sense why i was pining over this person. ordinarily, i practically hated her, and intellectually, i had not a single reason to miss her. id worked to remind myself of that (it wasnt hard) but it just wouldnt last. whatever feeling of empowerment i got would lose its effect. i was desperate enough to finally try it. writing it down does a great deal. you can apply it to this situation in particular, as well. sort of a "why in the world would i want to spare this person another thought". let it sound absurd in your head. i think it could go a long way.
i hope i dont sound like im scolding or talking down, far from it. the goal is to talk yourself up, not to give them this power over you. i assume you already know pretty much everything i said, but for me its always helped hearing things in particular ways. that was my goal.