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Author Topic: How soon after the last break up did your ex-BPD get engaged/married?  (Read 2446 times)
abovebeyond
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« on: April 27, 2012, 02:31:11 PM »

Just curious. My exBPD-gf, who I was engaged to, is now engaged two months after our split - complete with facebook tackyness with photos, relationship status, and all the rest.

Even her close friends are now starting to see she is crazy.
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hithere
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« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2012, 02:41:06 PM »

I thought mine would be engaged within 2 months but 9 weeks so far and she is still trying to recycle me.  I wish she would start with someone new, it would make it easier for me to let go.
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GreenMango
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« Reply #2 on: April 27, 2012, 02:43:26 PM »

Abovebeyond,

It must be painful seeing her engaged two months later.  It can create some questionable questions in us.

I know it's hard to not take it personally or that it speaks to something wrong or unworthy in you.  It doesn't.  It speaks very clearly of her:

1. Possibly operating under the guise "nothing gets you over the last one like the next one."  This is very unhealthy and speaks very clearly of someone's fleeting emotions and neediness.  

2. Emotional immaturity and lack of good judgement.

3. Her credibility and impulsiveness.

4. BPD cycle of idealization.  This doesn't just go away if she perceives she found the "perfect" mate and decides to marry quickly.  Eventually with any marriage "real life" with come into play after the honeymoon and this is a startling reality for those that suffer with BPD.  What eventually goes up must come down... .except with BPD this is invariably a severe and destructive swing.

Hang in there.

-GM
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BlushAndBashful
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« Reply #3 on: April 27, 2012, 02:48:15 PM »

I have no idea where he's at right now (and that's okay). But during our r/s, at one point, he got engaged to his female bff.  We broke up one day (I just can't be in a r/s, I'm broken, of COURSE I would be with you if I could, blah blah blah). I believe she initiated intimacy the next day, and within 3 weeks they were engaged. That lasted about 2 months, and then he came crawling back with flowers and a ring for me, and totally despised her.  And yeah, now that we aren't together any more, he's back with her in his life... .although on what level, I don't know. And I don't care. But he triangulated the two of us for 7 years.
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abovebeyond
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« Reply #4 on: April 27, 2012, 04:44:04 PM »

Thanks for the advice, GreenMango. And you're absolutely right. It's horrendous to process the recent events. And she's been exploiting them all on FB week to week. I get a little better than I get word from a friend that she's in a relationship, then engaged, now setting a date. Each event turns the knife a little more, but I'm getting better. I take a two steps back, then go 3 forward.

And yes, it does make you extremely critically in yourself. What is wrong with me? They devalue the crap out of you. Like, what did i do WRONG? And all of that stuff. Guilty of it.

I know she's got a mental illness, but i also know she is NUTS... .and I have to keep reminding myself of that EVERYDAY in order to get through the week.

"She's nuts, she's nuts," is my daily mantra.

And I have to  remind myself that this guy will get the same rollercoaster as me, even though all the fanfare they are projecting makes me feel like I did something wrong. And yes, they are claiming to be "soulmates" and that this is the perfect match. What a haunting, guilty ridden thing to have to experience.

Deep breathes. Sigh. And then a WTH?


Who else out there?

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gettingoverit
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« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2012, 05:12:10 PM »

My ex and now ex-friend were already talking about exchanging rings within a couple of weeks. They unofficially got engaged two weeks after my ex and I split, but did not announce their engagement until 6 months later. Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). I guess they figured it looked too bad to the outside world if people knew the truth. What does that tell you? Wow... .and to think I was seriously considering marrying this woman! 
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Zaza42
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« Reply #6 on: April 27, 2012, 05:38:35 PM »

Getting overit- not to mention your ex friend doing that! They deserve eachother!

My ex got into a relatiOnship publicly after a few weeks. Who knows how long that was going on before hand though. He was trying to reel me in and recycle- one day I just cut him off, NC. No warning, no fight, just poof- I felt like it was no less than he deserved and I disappeared- just got on a plane and left my world behind. My gut told me there were lies and someone else in play.

Marriage? I'm sure, but nothing I can find out about. He's been with the same girl for a few years.
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Mystic
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« Reply #7 on: April 27, 2012, 05:47:11 PM »

Mine got married less than 9 months after our split.  He went from a live in "committed" relationship with the woman before me (who he claims he'd wanted to be married to but couldn't as she was married to someone else still), to a live in "committed" relationship with me.  He'd asked me to marry him daily in the early months.  I wanted to wait and we'd set a date within reasonable time.  He left me and was married within nine months to someone he supposedly met on the internet, flew to Europe and married having never met before, and then brought her back here to the states.  I told my friend who told me I wanted to hear nothing more (really didn't care) and I haven't heard anything since. 

So he had 3 live-in committed/marital relationships in less than 2 years.  I of course, was the love of his life.  I imagine the others were too.  Given his age (50), I have to wonder just how many of those relationships there were now. 

Everyone I know who knew him/us thinks he's a bucket of nuts.  I do too.  Just wish I'd seen/allowed myself to see through the facade before I got burned. 

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Mystic
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« Reply #8 on: April 27, 2012, 05:48:44 PM »

Abovebeyond,

It must be painful seeing her engaged two months later.  It can create some questionable questions in us.

I know it's hard to not take it personally or that it speaks to something wrong or unworthy in you.  It doesn't.  It speaks very clearly of her:

1. Possibly operating under the guise "nothing gets you over the last one like the next one."  This is very unhealthy and speaks very clearly of someone's fleeting emotions and neediness.  

2. Emotional immaturity and lack of good judgement.

3. Her credibility and impulsiveness.

4. BPD cycle of idealization.  This doesn't just go away if she perceives she found the "perfect" mate and decides to marry quickly.  Eventually with any marriage "real life" with come into play after the honeymoon and this is a startling reality for those that suffer with BPD.  What eventually goes up must come down... .except with BPD this is invariably a severe and destructive swing.

Hang in there.

-GM

^^^^ This ^^^^ Exactly. 
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nylonsquid
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« Reply #9 on: April 27, 2012, 06:34:22 PM »

Aboveandbeyond-

That must be extremely difficult and I'm sorry you had to go through all this. How long were you together for? Did you go through recycles?

My exuBPDgf didn't paint me black though she was critical of me, I can tell she was struggling with conflicting feelings when she was dumping me. All she knew for sure is she felt terrible and something had to be done. It took her a few weeks before jumping to another relationship. That died out very quickly. I don't think it lasted more than 2 months. Now she's opening communication with me again, I'm sure to see my availability and to recycle.

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hijodeganas
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« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2012, 07:20:44 PM »

Just curious. My exBPD-gf, who I was engaged to, is now engaged two months after our split - complete with facebook tackyness with photos, relationship status, and all the rest.

Even her close friends are now starting to see she is crazy.

Mine did not, but I had a friend who was seeing a girl for over a year who had BPD traits.  He dumped her and less than 3 months later someone came by the bar where he works (he's the owner) and announced the news that his ex was engaged already.  He was befuddled, to say the least.
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OneTrickPony
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« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2012, 07:48:54 PM »

Just curious. My exBPD-gf, who I was engaged to, is now engaged two months after our split - complete with facebook tackyness with photos, relationship status, and all the rest.

Even her close friends are now starting to see she is crazy.

AB,

This is typical behavior. Mine was not only "engaged," but pregnant within a month to some loser who walked

off and left her knocked up. Of course, she had a convenient "miscarriage." Now, she's recycling HIM after he told her that he wasn't sure the baby was his.

So, not only are they unstable, but, some of them are just plain old stupid, too.

Chalk it up as a bullet which you dodged... .integrate that... .and go have some fun.

OTP
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Beach_Babe
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« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2012, 04:16:48 AM »

2   days   *ding*  I  win.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).
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Zaza42
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« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2012, 04:32:49 AM »

Two days? Details? I demand it!
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Beach_Babe
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« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2012, 07:00:52 AM »

The  replacement  was  groomed  for  2  weeks  before  I  was  shown  the  door... .you  know  how  the  story  goes... .they  are  like  hungry  spiders  sizing  up  their  prey... .that  one  was  dumped  5  months  later  when  pwBPD  got  engaged  to  therapist  at  sober  house  where  she  was  court  ordered... .3   months  after  that  therapist  dumped  for  18  year  old  fellow  sober  house  resident.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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saxon747
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« Reply #15 on: April 29, 2012, 07:09:12 AM »

Just curious. My exBPD-gf, who I was engaged to, is now engaged two months after our split - complete with facebook tackyness with photos, relationship status, and all the rest.

Even her close friends are now starting to see she is crazy.

Three months for me but same identical thing as above! She has her new guy so under her spell! Anyone else see something like my and Abovebeyonds situation? Funny thing is she still tries to contact me every couple of weeks with some kind of random question such as a baseball stat to is her insurance at work any good? Just perplexing to say the least
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GreenMango
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« Reply #16 on: April 29, 2012, 12:57:19 PM »

It's horrendous to process the recent events... .I get a little better than I get word from a friend that she's in a relationship, then engaged, now setting a date. Each event turns the knife a little more, but I'm getting better. I take a two steps back, then go 3 forward.

And yes, it does make you extremely critically in yourself. What is wrong with me? They devalue the crap out of you. Like, what did i do WRONG? And all of that stuff. Guilty of it.

I know she's got a mental illness... .

Abovebeyond,

I felt the same way... .It does hurt and definitely like that two steps back and three forward.  Those questions can really tear us down.  This isn't good especially if we've already dealt with a lot of emotional trauma in the relationship.

The last line in your quote is really important.  I know it's hard to accept, it took me a long time to accept it probably because I believed the person had the same kind of feelings I did.  I wanted so bad for him to have normal feelings, if there is such a thing.

It helped me to think of the situation from a different perspective.  What kind of relationship did I want?  Was this person able to give me that?  Looking at how the person is, as is, what "would" they do in the relationship?

Looking at my ex's behavior, I know he couldn't.  And most likely, I would be putting myself in a very sad marriage or a destructive parenting situation.  It doesn't totally take the sting out of it, but it helped me to see I'm better off without this person, even though I loved them.  I brainwashed myself with this mantra.

-GM
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abovebeyond
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« Reply #17 on: April 30, 2012, 08:17:15 AM »

GreenMango,

You're right. Even though I believe she has a mental illness it is hard to get that idea to sink in, ESPECIALLY when they are doing EVERYTHING in their power, after the break up, to convince EVERYONE (especially you) that they are doing GREAT and definitely do NOT  have a mental illness, in fact, many of their the actions are thrown out there to convince others that YOU maybe the one with the mental illness.

My ex being an undiagnosed BPD, makes it even harder to battle sometimes. But BPD is the only thing that makes sense of all her behavior.

Like many others, I've gone through so many rainbows of emotions, there have been times that I thought i MIGHT HAVE BPD.

But I don't leave people i love, and I did break up with an partner, I would do it in as civil a manner as possible.

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Nico18

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« Reply #18 on: April 30, 2012, 10:56:05 AM »

Yes my exgf with BPD traits who I was engaged to, got married two and half months after our split that_
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saxon747
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« Reply #19 on: April 30, 2012, 11:57:43 AM »

But we all know good and well that even though they have gotten married/engaged it's just a matter of time before the "ugly" side re-appears and it most definitely will!
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NewStart
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« Reply #20 on: April 30, 2012, 12:08:25 PM »

Zero days, mine notified me by email that she had a new 'male friend' and wished me well... .so pretty much from me right to another.
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abovebeyond
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« Reply #21 on: April 30, 2012, 02:08:40 PM »

I can't wait for the "ugly side" of their BPD to reveal my replacement in the new RS. Cannot. Wait.

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gettingoverit
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« Reply #22 on: April 30, 2012, 02:25:36 PM »

I can't wait for the "ugly side" of their BPD to reveal my replacement in the new RS. Cannot. Wait.

Lol... you and me both! That is the one thing that kept me going in the early stages of our breakup and all the hell that ensued after. I am 90% sure that my replacement will get the same psycho that I did eventually. All of my ex's relationships have gone through the same bs... why would this be any different? I'm going to pull up a chair with some popcorn and watch the ___show commence. It will be epic I'm sure, mostly because my replacement has a few screws loose themselves.
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abovebeyond
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« Reply #23 on: April 30, 2012, 02:53:29 PM »

gettingoverit,

Same here. My ex from 10 years ago, I believe was BPD also. And it didn't take long for her RS's to crash - One marriage and a couple engagements.

This ex, I have a lot more invested in, hence the reason it hurt so much.

Funny thing is/was, she busted my BALLS with jealous fits over women I worked with. I mean, driving me nuts. Of course, nothing ever happened between myself and these co-workers and I did backflips trying to reassure her over and over that all is well and "I love only you." I did too many backflips and just enabled the bad behavior.

Nonetheless, this same ex BPDgf, dumped me and took up with a co-worker. Jesus. It's like, are you serious? You put me through all that BS and this is what you do?

They are truly nuts. And karma truly is a MF.
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Beach_Babe
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« Reply #24 on: April 30, 2012, 11:08:53 PM »

Zero days, mine notified me by email that she had a new 'male friend' and wished me well... .so pretty much from me right to another.

  Ok, you win
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DubD
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« Reply #25 on: April 30, 2012, 11:36:08 PM »

My exBPDgf who lived with me for over 2 years, loved me forever on Xmas eve. Broke up with me via email new years day, moved in with replacement same day. 3 days later had people move her stuff out of my home into fianc
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hijodeganas
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« Reply #26 on: April 30, 2012, 11:45:29 PM »

Funny thing is/was, she busted my BALLS with jealous fits over women I worked with. I mean, driving me nuts. Of course, nothing ever happened between myself and these co-workers and I did backflips trying to reassure her over and over that all is well and "I love only you." I did too many backflips and just enabled the bad behavior.

Nonetheless, this same ex BPDgf, dumped me and took up with a co-worker. Jesus. It's like, are you serious? You put me through all that BS and this is what you do?

BPD notwithstanding, this is pretty typical.  Simple projection.  They say you can tell a cheater by how often/intensely they accuse you or worry about you cheating.  It was probably on her mind so she figured it may well be on yours as well.
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Englishman

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« Reply #27 on: October 16, 2014, 01:05:02 AM »

So... .10 years together... .until April 15th this year... .I go off to the UK ( from California) for work... .she finds a replacement (who happens to be a drug dealer)... .quits her job of 5 years that she loved... .leaves her teenage kids with her parents... .drops all her friends and family (that she always said meant so much to her)... .and this weekend she's getting married. Her kids and half her family are horrified. She cried and kissed me at the airport April 15th and said please hurry back... .I never saw her again!

She finally admits in July (while I'm still away) that she's seeing someone and so I knew that heading back early was pointless. This BPD condition is just madness. The guy is a serious former or even current addict and when she cheats on him and he finds out... .who knows how he'll react. She's tried two suicide attempts with me without illegal drugs. I avoided a bullet... .but I can't help feeling sorry for the fact that she's chasing something that isn't there. Wanting love more than anything and giving up everything and thinking that this will make her feel loved and stop her cheating. At 45 she's cheated on every guy she's ever been with including her husband and at least 8 or 9 guys with me. All just very, very sad. Now I have to repo my car from her because she won't pay me for it. Sad!
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Heartbroken Eagle
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« Reply #28 on: October 16, 2014, 07:18:57 AM »

Ok, after 12 years together, she soon got dumped by the guy she was having the affair with, met another guy through internet dating. Within 2 months he moved into our old house, month later got engaged. They are getting married next month. She is also pregnant.

Sitting back to witness the car crash. Also to support my confused  and unhappy 8 year old son when it all kicks off!

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clydegriffith
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« Reply #29 on: October 16, 2014, 11:11:10 AM »

Engaged 6 months after breakup, got pregnant by another person a couple of month's after that so never ended up getting married. She just had the baby and of course is totally in love an glad everything in her life has happened the way it has because she wouldn't be at t his point right now if it hadn't. I patiently await the next crazy thing that's going to happen. I'm guessing

A) The kid she had may not belong to her latest replacement and that'll come to surface or

2) Her replacment will grow tired of babysitting a bunch of kids that arent his along with his own while she's out bartending and surely cheating.
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clydegriffith
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« Reply #30 on: October 16, 2014, 11:12:22 AM »

Funny thing is/was, she busted my BALLS with jealous fits over women I worked with. I mean, driving me nuts. Of course, nothing ever happened between myself and these co-workers and I did backflips trying to reassure her over and over that all is well and "I love only you." I did too many backflips and just enabled the bad behavior.

Nonetheless, this same ex BPDgf, dumped me and took up with a co-worker. Jesus. It's like, are you serious? You put me through all that BS and this is what you do?

BPD notwithstanding, this is pretty typical.  Simple projection.  They say you can tell a cheater by how often/intensely they accuse you or worry about you cheating.  It was probably on her mind so she figured it may well be on yours as well.

This is very true. My BPDx was constantly worried about me cheating, looking through my phones and hacking into my emails when she was screwing anyone that looked her way.
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« Reply #31 on: October 16, 2014, 01:07:22 PM »

Mine was already seeing some one before she let me go out of the blue. The guy moved in shortly after. I did some snooping for some closure, and she was married to the guy in less than a year, left AZ and moved to OR. She is 48 and he is 21 years YOUNGER. I look back in my mind of all the things she was saying at the time, she was just setting me up and toying with me. Now shes got a new pin cushion to rip to shreds. The potential for disaster was avoided on my half, and I should be grateful for her letting me go. But this young guy... .who shes with now... .unaware of what hes with and naive... .Im sure if he got angry he could do some damage.

I found out how old he was from his mug shot on line. Real classy guy(sarcasm). Its true that they cant up grade, they have to seek out some one who is weaker... .one that they can manipulate with ease. She found out that I wasn't going to put up with her child like behavior... .I was in the way of her getting what she wanted... .so I had to be eliminated so she could get what she wants... .

Its a hard pill to swallow... .I get caught at traffic lights thinking of what was... .shake my head... .glad that Im not with right now. It would have been much much worse.

Hang in there... .all you can do... .youll get out on the other side... .and youll be a better person once you do.
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~~~~~~


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« Reply #32 on: October 16, 2014, 01:08:44 PM »

5 months from talking about it with me to exchanging vows with replacement. 2 months until she devalued him. A month after that an email from her saying she had made a mistake.

Im thinking "getting married" was more important than "being married".

Choices have consequences. And she made her choice. I don't want her back anyway. Ive already made that bad choice and faced the consequences. And I have learned from them.
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« Reply #33 on: October 16, 2014, 01:48:15 PM »

my ex has been with his new gf MAYBE three weeks, probably more like two. (my immediate replacement was his ex). just this morning i saw he commented on a social media post [side note: yes, i know i need to stop looking... .it's a horrible addiction] to his new gf... .the comment was the wedding ring emoji.

it's disheartening. i feel like you, abovebeyond. what did i do wrong? how am i so unworthy?

on the other hand... .the speed with which he's currently changing partners is frightening.
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Jersey Roots

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« Reply #34 on: October 16, 2014, 01:52:29 PM »

Just a quick addition to my above post... .he is 26 and her daughter who is going to be 22 soon... .to be a fly on the wall... .

"Oh by the way here is your 2nd new step Dad... .hes only 4 years older than you"... .I cant imagine what is going on in that young mind of hers... .oh Sweet Fancy Moses
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clydegriffith
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« Reply #35 on: October 16, 2014, 02:19:04 PM »

my ex has been with his new gf MAYBE three weeks, probably more like two. (my immediate replacement was his ex). just this morning i saw he commented on a social media post [side note: yes, i know i need to stop looking... .it's a horrible addiction] to his new gf... .the comment was the wedding ring emoji.

it's disheartening. i feel like you, abovebeyond. what did i do wrong? how am i so unworthy?

on the other hand... .the speed with which he's currently changing partners is frightening.

Thiss! Only my scenario she is doing it with 4 young kids in tow and one happens to be mine.

After her latest replacement (the alleged father of the mos recent child) finds her out, she'll be on to the next one. Playing the victim and telling people how she's been emotionally and or physically abused by all the prior victims.
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« Reply #36 on: October 16, 2014, 03:27:22 PM »

Playing the victim and telling people how she's been emotionally and or physically abused by all the prior victims.

Yup yup!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

"don't worry dearest damsel, I will save you! All 20 of those previous guys were so terrible... .surely YOU weren't the common denominator... ."

A few weeks/months later:

Welcome

Hi, My name is Replacement_21, Im new here. This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?


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« Reply #37 on: October 16, 2014, 03:53:10 PM »

Playing the victim and telling people how she's been emotionally and or physically abused by all the prior victims.

Yup yup!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

"don't worry dearest damsel, I will save you! All 20 of those previous guys were so terrible... .surely YOU weren't the common denominator... ."

A few weeks/months later:

Welcome

Hi, My name is Replacement_21, Im new here. This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

LMAO! that has to be the post of the year.
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fred6
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« Reply #38 on: October 16, 2014, 04:11:12 PM »

This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

God damn, I'm 3 months since the split and 1 month NC and I'm still asking that. Hello, my name is fred6. This is my 332nd post... .What the heck just happened to me?

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?

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rickdeckard
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« Reply #39 on: October 16, 2014, 04:30:32 PM »

This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

God damn, I'm 3 months since the split and 1 month NC and I'm still asking that. Hello, my name is fred6. This is my 332nd post... .What the heck just happened to me?

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?


Becoming comfortably numb would feel like a blessing sometimes.

The simple answer is "you were the victim of an abuser".

But I havee been out since January (2014) and NC since April same year. So the simple answer isn't really fully explaining it.

BTW, I by no means make light of abuse or our roles as rescuers (as applicable) who were abused. Ive known far to many abuse victims and not all have survived.

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The joy of life consists in the exercise of one's energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience.
Vitto18

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« Reply #40 on: October 16, 2014, 04:38:15 PM »

Playing the victim and telling people how she's been emotionally and or physically abused by all the prior victims.

Yup yup!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

"don't worry dearest damsel, I will save you! All 20 of those previous guys were so terrible... .surely YOU weren't the common denominator... ."

A few weeks/months later:

Welcome

Hi, My name is Replacement_21, Im new here. This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

This post just cracked me up! Thanks for the belly laugh Rick.

My uBPDexgf started talking marriage in July to a guy she hooked up with in March... .we broke up in February. This after she said she would "rather stay single because she couldn't make anyone happy." Not even a month later the "love of her life pasted all over her face book, posing with my kids.

I wonder why pwBPD rush into a new r/s & try to secure a commitment as soon as possible?

One would think that after a LTR hits the skids a "normal" person would want to clear the fallout, unpack the baggage, re-assess & heal. Maybe even enjoy the single life for a bit. 

Its almost as though they want to prove a point. Or lock the replacement in before he\she realises what lies beneath the idealization?
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fred6
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« Reply #41 on: October 16, 2014, 04:46:45 PM »

This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

God damn, I'm 3 months since the split and 1 month NC and I'm still asking that. Hello, my name is fred6. This is my 332nd post... .What the heck just happened to me?

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?


Becoming comfortably numb would feel like a blessing sometimes.

The simple answer is "you were the victim of an abuser".

But I havee been out since January (2014) and NC since April same year. So the simple answer isn't really fully explaining it.

BTW, I by no means make light of abuse or our roles as rescuers (as applicable) who were abused. Ive known far to many abuse victims and not all have survived.

That's it, I've cured BPD. Just speak to them in random insane Pink Floyd lyrics.

When pwBPD starts projecting and raging. Simply say, "If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?" Then watch a mushroom cloud form over crazy town.
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rickdeckard
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WWW
« Reply #42 on: October 16, 2014, 05:21:31 PM »

This is my first post... .What the heck just happened to me?

God damn, I'm 3 months since the split and 1 month NC and I'm still asking that. Hello, my name is fred6. This is my 332nd post... .What the heck just happened to me?

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?


Becoming comfortably numb would feel like a blessing sometimes.

The simple answer is "you were the victim of an abuser".

But I havee been out since January (2014) and NC since April same year. So the simple answer isn't really fully explaining it.

BTW, I by no means make light of abuse or our roles as rescuers (as applicable) who were abused. Ive known far to many abuse victims and not all have survived.

That's it, I've cured BPD. Just speak to them in random insane Pink Floyd lyrics.

When pwBPD starts projecting and raging. Simply say, "If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?" Then watch a mushroom cloud form over crazy town.

Could work quite well. Slayer lyrics dont, tried it and got a severed cats head on my doorstep (JK :D)

Just make sure to stay out of blast radius. Don't know if you can run far enough to escape the fallout though... .

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dabeanymac

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« Reply #43 on: December 28, 2014, 10:21:44 PM »

Wow! I thought this situation could only happen to me. My ex gf who I believe has BPD, just got engaged to the replacement less than 2 months after our breakup. We were together 14 months. Just like what happened with Abovebeyond, she posted up pictures on her facebook account, updated her status, and claims she's soo happy. Found out she was talking to this guy the last month of the relationship and left me for him. Can't wait for Karma to give her what she deserves!
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downwhim
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« Reply #44 on: December 28, 2014, 11:23:23 PM »

Rick and Fred, so darn funny. Thanks I needed that!

I would not put it past my ex to have replacement all moved in within the 9 weeks we have been apart. Even though I am total N/C I know he was going this direction. He hinted to me at b/u and said something out loud like they do. He said he was going to do the same thing as Michael. (friend of ours that moved girlfriend in within days of ex girlfriend moving out). He bought new sheets, decided not to sell his house, decided to keep his RV, tanning, it was all there... .an engaged cheater.
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Ripped Heart
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« Reply #45 on: December 28, 2014, 11:52:35 PM »

I met my exN/BPDw one day, she proposed less than 2 weeks later. I started to feel everything was a bit too rushed so asked for long engagement which didn't go down well at all.

Tried calling it off twice but hooked back in. Instead of year we kind of compromised on, she and her family brought it forward. Was married with 4 months. The hell had already started because I called it off initially and just got worse for the next 2 years.

Gf, was talking marriage even before our first date. Started dropping hints after 3 weeks but held my boundaries on that one. Decided that providing things were going strong between us, I would propose on our 1st year Anniversary (Valentines Day)

I know she is triangulating with a guy who keeps promising to marry her despite never meeting her. She is 44 years old and never been married, as well as usually the one to self destruct her relationships.

She has said several times in the past that reading a story of a woman with the same "condition" as her has been married 4 times because she keeps having affairs.  Think that might scare her a little about marriage.
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« Reply #46 on: December 29, 2014, 12:38:00 AM »

A week before we broke up she was putting in place plans to marry an have a kid with another bloke while texting me how much she loved me xxxs 
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rollercoaster24
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« Reply #47 on: December 31, 2014, 07:53:27 AM »

Well everyone, I cannot say exBP is married, but he is telling his family that he has 'met his match',  his new love apparently helps 'keep him in line' (not sure if he would have explained it like that) and how 'he just wanted to get away from everything and everyone', (yea he would definitely have said that latter remark).

Once again he has managed to escape geographically, find a job after 6 years unemployment, (4 with me) and meet the love of his life!

I am certain that he has been informed that his Sister In-law was keeping me up to date over the past 9 months of our split, and I am also certain that it was reciprocated, (without my knowledge).

Suddenly everything that he once was is now magically gone!

His Sister In-law (seemingly smugly) told me 23/12 that BP is now doing great, in a job, living in a new town, (even told me where he is) and that his new woman is a Psychiatrist, (hence met his match statement) although it seems from knowing how he would put things, that he meant that in an entirely different way. Since he was a total Narcissist, saying he had met his match would mean to him that she was his 'intellectual equivalent', simply because she has a degree in something, like him.

But yea, no doubt he meant that message to be delivered to me right before Xmas, just to sock it to me one more time as punishment for not responding to his several attempts to recycle (May, June, August).

So at any rate, it is New Years Eve, I am sitting home alone, with no desire to go out and party, but with valid reasons, despite being glum anyway.

I cannot wait until I am well on the other side of this pain.
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WhatTheFrank
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« Reply #48 on: December 31, 2014, 03:44:31 PM »

She was seeing him 2 months before we officially broke up.  Engaged 6 months after official breakup.  Engagement went down in flames within a week.
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StarOfTheSea
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« Reply #49 on: February 19, 2015, 05:30:38 PM »

Hi,

My ex who I strongly suspect has BPD just tastelessly announced via FB that he found the woman 'he's going to make his wife'. This is six weeks after he broke up with me, which he did two days after Christmas ( a real class act, he is). She's actually an ex from over a decade ago that broke up with him because of his abusive behavior. Seems like they're both recycling. Many times during our relationship I was promised the exact same things: marriage and being his wife. The difference with our relationship is that we were expecting and miscarried, and lived pretty much like a married couple for nearly a year. He is also very much a 'pattern man' since none of his relationships last longer than six months. We actually broke the pattern by staying together for nine months, though I suspect in the last two he was in contact with soon to be new wife. So I can at least take pleasure in knowing this farce won't last very long.

When I discovered his news I wanted to vomit. Twice. Absolutely astounding how he can go from breaking up to being engaged. I keep telling myself that he's f-ing nuts and not the person I fell in love with. The sad thing is is that he has a young daughter who is being very negatively affected by her dad's narcissistic BPD behavior.

To all who are dealing with this, stay strong.
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Bumpsintheroad

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« Reply #50 on: February 19, 2015, 06:30:28 PM »

 

AboveBeyond... .

My BPDw moved in with my replacement 9 (yes, that right, NINE days after we split up for a "temporary separation".  She had asked if I would move in with my buddy for a short time so she could get her thoughts straight.  Two days after moving in with my buddy, I was in a major car accident and while I was in the hospital recovering, a co-worker of mine called her to inform her of the accident.  She told him she would get to the hospital asap.  She never showed up. 

Ten days later, I got a phone call from our landlord who told me she moved out of OUR HOME with my 4 stepchildren a week earlier.  The replacement left his wife in NJ and moved 2000 miles west in a U-HAul and rented a $750,000 home in a matter of 10 days.  Filled it with furniture and TVs and leased her a brand new $36,000 Nissan.

When she finally called me after two weeks of NC, she asked if I was doing ok?  I told her my left shoulder muscle was partially torn and my throat was severely swollen due to whiplash and off work for at least a month.  At which point she actually said "WHAT HAPPENED?".  She was pretending not to know that I was in an accident.  I told her that my co-worker told me he called you the night of the accident and told you everything about the crash and that I was in the hospital.  She called him A LIAR and said she knew nothing of the sort.  Never got a phone call and never spoke to him.  This may sound utterly unbelievable to you, but it happened to me a few years ago.  GOD as my witness. 

So, my point is this.  These poor, sick people DO NOT care about anyone but themselves.  Period!  And TIME, is not their vocabulary.  Time is non-existent.  They only live in the immediate moment and nothing further. 

In your case I can honestly say I FEEL YOUR PAIN.  It's gut wrenching to put it mildly.  But please understand, you have dodged a massive mortar, let alone a deadly bullet.  If you stay on this site, and listen to the very helpful angels that support your recovery, in short order you will feel the same way. 

Best of luck and good fortune!   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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rlhmm
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« Reply #51 on: February 19, 2015, 06:36:45 PM »

the short and simple answer is: i dont know... .dont want to know... .and dont care. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Influx

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« Reply #52 on: July 09, 2018, 06:39:32 PM »

My ex moved out of my place with her son and moved straight into the guys house. They got engaged in less than two weeks. When she left my place, she had my ring on.
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pgri8684
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« Reply #53 on: July 11, 2018, 08:38:21 AM »

She (re)activated her account on a dating site a few days after the breakup. The replacement moved in within 30 days and they got engaged pretty soon.
I think she has a lot of BPD traits but the inner core is her impossibility living alone; she rushed into this new relationship because it was about her survival.

Some people with BPD traits jump from a r/s to the next one on a very quick pace according to her mood. Some stay unhappy in a rotten r/s until the partner leaves. My Ex will never be alone!
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