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Author Topic: Crying begging wont stop calling.  (Read 686 times)
Curvy girl

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« on: January 19, 2013, 08:08:58 PM »

Been in a 5.5 year dysfunctional relationship with my diagnosed xbf.

After initially failuing st my first attempt to break up I finally did it yesterday and left. We had a long talk about how I felt and why i needed to leave, he didn't understand and I packed my stuff and left. We are limited contact because I still have my stuff at our old house and some joint finances to sort out.

Since I left he has called me non stop. Called my friends non stop. Send message after message on Facebook and my phone. He loves me, he can't let me go. He has promised the world, he will do anything, he will be better.  Sending me poetry and links to songs I liked, copy and pasting old messages I sent him when we used to be happy. He is relentless!

Last night I went to dinner with my friend, I took money of the joint account (rookie mistake). He started driving all over town for hours looking for us, calling, texting, begging. I initially ignored him and then eventually had to text back to tell him to go home, go to sleep I would call the next day.

The texts kept raining in.we might be up to 100 now in one night.

I am 1 day limited contact and this is what I get. I cried for hours when I got home. What have I done to this man? 

It is tearing me up inside. I know the right thing is to stay away but it's hard to see someone you love hurting like this.

I am not thinking of changing my decision but please how did you guys survive this if you ever experienced it.

I literally say. " I need to let go of the relationship" reply " no i won't let you go without a fight."

It is freaking me out!
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turtle
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« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2013, 08:30:52 PM »

Oh curvy girl!

I've been right in your shoes.

It's unfortunate that you have money tied up together. How soon can you get that sorted out?

The non stop calling, begging, pleading -- it's excrutiating.

Is there any way you can block his texts/calls without putting your finances in jeopardy?

You might have to get the Police involved.



I'm so sorry this is happening!

turtle

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Curvy girl

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« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2013, 09:07:18 PM »

Maybe I can get it the finances sorted within the week.

I also have to go get most of my stuff as well. I couldn't get it all the first time because I hadn't sorted out a storage shed.

I can probably block his calls and go no contact once I have got my stuff and I get my share of the finances. He knows wherein live now. I'm living with my best friend it's 10 minutes away from old house.

I hope I don't have involve the police. The state he is in I'm afraid I will trigger him into self harm.

I'll be honest this is a different side of him and its scarier than any raging. That I could deal with.

Thanks for replying turtle.
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doubleAries
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« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2013, 09:24:18 PM »

Curvy girl--

guilt is usually a last resort (when raging isn't working anymore). he may even pull more "phases" out of his hat that will surprise you and throw you off gaurd.

What have you done to this man? Interesting you see it that way instead of "what is this man doing to me". But that's what codependency is--others come first, and we alone have the power to set it right, to fix it, to soothe and help. Everyone but ourselves, that is.

I know it's hard... .  hang tight. The scene will change several more times. He'll keep trying until he finds the one that works. Or give up and find someone else it works on. It's just what they do. check out this article Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder [NEW]
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Curvy girl

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« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2013, 08:08:10 AM »

Thank you double Aries for the link. I had read and reread the beliefs a few weeks before the break up. I think I was so stuck on " belief you need to stay to help them" I glossed over the others.

I have been so co dependent it's taking me so long to try and work on my own dysfunctional thinking. I need to keep working with my therapist.

I had convinced myself that I would be painted black and smeared after this break up that I was only prepared for that. This new level of FOG took me by surprise.

The way I see it he is only interested in having a conversation as long as we're doing whatever he wants to do. I don't believe he trully understands my wants or needs. He will call so we can talk about how he will fight for us no matter the cost. As soon as I talk about what I really want he's not interested. I need space, limited contact and time to rebuild my life. " why can't I do that while I'm living there"... .  Then next  he's set a time limit for this space and then I would have to move back in after that  ( because surely 4 weeks is long enough to put yourself back together after a 5.5 yr dysfunctional relationship.   . I say I have no strength, desire or emotional reserve to give this relationship a shot but that's ok because " he will have the strength for the both of us". It becomes circular and I have to stop the discussion.

I guess I need to start working on " belief that if you say it louder you will be heard".

It's not like I haven't suggested therapy before, it's not like I havent asserted my boundaries on,y to have them busted time and time again. Now all of a sudden he " gets it" ? I'm calling  BS.

I believe he's in survival mode and will say and do anything to make me stay. This isn't a democracy. If I have gathered this much strength to get out, I'm out.

I really was not ready for the relentless crying, begging, being painted the whitest of white, " I will fix everything that's wrong with this relationship" talk. It threw me.

I am in a better frame of mind today. I'm sorry if this reply was a bit ranty. I think the more I say it to myself the more I will stay the course.

I'm only maintaining limited contact until I sort my situation out and then it's no contact after that. I'm giving myself 7 days.

I really hope he's got no more tricks up his sleeve because I'm barely keeping my head above the water as it is.

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« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2013, 08:20:37 AM »

It is the worst when they are painting you "whitest of white."  In fact, I used to find it the most insulting of all.  After all the berating, belittling and abuse, crazyx would then turn around and tell me I was perfect -- complete with the crying begging and whining for me not to leave.  Calling BS, doesn't begin to cover how insulting that is.

He was just sorry that his whipping boy wasn't going to be around.

You hang in there curvy girl.  It sounds as though you have your mind made up and good for you!

Let us know how the next 7 days go!

turtle

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« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2013, 09:39:52 AM »

Curvy girl,

Life presents us with a reality that seems to denounce our dreams and our commitment to do no harm. Never in our upbringing were we given the expectation that we might have to abandon another just to survive. Yes... .  SURVIVE. The BPD is not compassionate enough to make the sacrifices so that both of you can survive. And your own compassion in the hands of the BPD will just drain you of everything you are and everything you have.

When we give our heart, soul, body, and mind to these relationships, and find no replenishment of the same, the ultimate outcome is obvious. There will be nothing left but the empty carcass of a once loving, caring partner... .  you.

I left my BPD gf. It made no sense anymore. I left her knowing that she will never find a man who has the strength, love, and care that I offered to her. And I was her only source of sustainment.

Still, I said goodbye. I won't try to convince you that my heart is big and my soul is compassionate and hopeful to the core. But it is ... maybe to a fault. Still I said goodbye. I gave her a few weeks to say what she wanted and then went NC. I've been presented with promises, threats, pleading, and even bogus calls proclaiming her death. She may jump from the bridge. She may go to the street to make money. She may ... .  live and die without me.

The future I thought was written by fate was an illusion. I would have given my life... .  But not for an illusion.

I said goodbye. If I can do it, you can too.
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ambi
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« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2013, 10:27:05 AM »

Excerpt
The way I see it he is only interested in having a conversation as long as we're doing whatever he wants to do. I don't believe he trully understands my wants or needs. He will call so we can talk about how he will fight for us no matter the cost. As soon as I talk about what I really want he's not interested. I need space, limited contact and time to rebuild my life. " why can't I do that while I'm living there"... .  Then next  he's set a time limit for this space and then I would have to move back in after that  ( because surely 4 weeks is long enough to put yourself back together after a 5.5 yr dysfunctional relationship.  . I say I have no strength, desire or emotional reserve to give this relationship a shot but that's ok because " he will have the strength for the both of us". It becomes circular and I have to stop the discussion.

I could have written this.  He wants us to keep working on it - where working on it means that I listen to him, forgive and forget the past, do what he says, and bury my own needs.  He wants the Stepford wife.  He says he knows I'm stressed and have a lot on my plate and that he only wants to help.  Why can't I just let him help me and then starts telling me that if I'd only learn to trust him and be more vulnerable with him, we could have this great life together.  But, how am I supposed to be vulnerable to someone who uses that vulnerability to manipulate and harm me?

He only reaches out every few weeks now.  I feel a little guilty sometimes.  I do not want to hurt him.  But it's like waitaminute said, it's counterintuitive to the caring me, but it's about survival.  I cannot survive in the r/s with him.  I feel bad about leaving him and about not responding to the overtures, but I just can't go back in time in live in that awful place again.  It was destroying me. 

Hang in there. 
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lost007
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« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2013, 03:48:10 PM »

Been there recently. Non stop texts and calls. Bargaining. If true borderline these texts will eventually get nasty. That's when u will know u have done the right thing.
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2013, 04:06:44 PM »

Excerpt
The way I see it he is only interested in having a conversation as long as we're doing whatever he wants to do. I don't believe he trully understands my wants or needs. He will call so we can talk about how he will fight for us no matter the cost. As soon as I talk about what I really want he's not interested. I need space, limited contact and time to rebuild my life. " why can't I do that while I'm living there"... .  Then next  he's set a time limit for this space and then I would have to move back in after that  ( because surely 4 weeks is long enough to put yourself back together after a 5.5 yr dysfunctional relationship.  . I say I have no strength, desire or emotional reserve to give this relationship a shot but that's ok because " he will have the strength for the both of us". It becomes circular and I have to stop the discussion.

I could have written this.  He wants us to keep working on it - where working on it means that I listen to him, forgive and forget the past, do what he says, and bury my own needs.  He wants the Stepford wife.  He says he knows I'm stressed and have a lot on my plate and that he only wants to help.  Why can't I just let him help me and then starts telling me that if I'd only learn to trust him and be more vulnerable with him, we could have this great life together.  But, how am I supposed to be vulnerable to someone who uses that vulnerability to manipulate and harm me?

This is exactly what my gf with BPD always tells me  :'( She is not willing or allowing to take over some responsibilities she has so I can take it over and put it on my shoulders. And after that, always point out that I never help her with anything and that she suffocates in stress and that it's all me who to blame for ... i'm the b*stard and always stress her more ...   although what she tells me.
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doubleAries
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« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2013, 10:25:50 PM »

I guess we all do understand. I'm certainly not glad the rest of you are experiencing this, but I do get a strange sense of relief knowing I'm not alone and understanding "text book behavior".

My husband and I seperated almost 2 months ago. We are, at least for now, business partners. After his initial fury that I dared to move out, he seems to have fallen into a belief that I am just trying to manipulate him or something, and all will go back to the way he wants it to go (Stepford wife--that's perfect, ambi). Here is my recent experience, may it help someone else  Idea

stbxh and I had to go on a buying trip for 3 days (just got back last night). stbxh is not exactly painting me white, but is on his best behavior, and feigning interest in my interests (best he can-which isn't at all convincing. Isn't this called "mirroring" or something?) We got dinner together Friday night and the discussion turned personal (something he hates). Somehow I forgot   that he is not really capable of the genuine and sincere emotional interaction required in intimate relationships or even platonic friendships, and began to discuss with him some of the intense emotions I am going through in therapy over my upbringing. I looked at him and he was clearly angry--I asked why and he snarled "well, I'm just sick of hearing what a bad person I am and what a horrible disappointment I am to you!" (HUH? I was talking about myself, my childhood, my feelings about it!) then he got up as if to leave--yeah, to leave me in a restaurant 700 miles from home, when we'd ridden together in his car.

I saw myself as being the one who set myself up for this (for crying out loud--I already know better. We were married almost 18 years!) and kept my trap shut the rest of the trip. He then reverted back to being solicitous (with no apology or explanation for his outburst, because I'm expected to pretend that didn't happen).

Point of story: He still isn't capable of the genuine and sincere emotional interaction required to be friends (whether as friends or as lovers). But he knows how to pour it on in other areas as a distraction from that. And yes, that worked for a long time to keep reeling me back in. But now I can't unsee what I have already seen. The seperation is not comfortable for him. He doesn't really consider how I feel, except peripherally, in how it might effect him. I don't have to be angry with him about his limitations. But I also don't have to pound my head with a brick, pretending those limitations don't bother me, or can magically go away, or they don't matter, or, or, or... .  

Curvy Girl, I doubt the missing component of your relationship was drama (just not enough drama around here!). It's just a distraction from the glaring problems. BPD's have exaggerated emotions. They are now on display. This article helped me a lot when I left, and I have to keep reading it to remind myself. It really does work Leaving a Partner with Borderline Personality Disorder

Hang in there... .  you have your friends here at BPD Family to talk to and help you through this.

doubleAries
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GreenMango
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« Reply #11 on: January 21, 2013, 12:55:47 AM »

Life presents us with a reality that seems to denounce our dreams and our commitment to do no harm. Never in our upbringing were we given the expectation that we might have to abandon another just to survive. Yes... .  SURVIVE

This about sums it up.  It isn't about hurting this person.  The destruction has progressed to the point where you are trying to survive.

But the FOG is tough too.

Sometimes listing out the Fears, Obligations, and Guilts on paper help to suss out and reality check it.
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« Reply #12 on: January 21, 2013, 01:20:18 AM »

Curvy girl,

I am in exactly the same situation . I have been working on leaving for over 2 years now. finally last Tuesday I stated my intent to break up. it is so hard, buy I had prepared for the worst of rages and had planned my response for any behavior I could have imagined her having.

I did not expect the begging, the too-positive vision of how things could be so different, the being painted the whitest of white, and the illusion of her seeing the light and acknowledging that she has had so many behaviors that have hurt me and hurt our relationship. until now I have never seen her take responsibility for anything. now she is laying it on thick! I have never seen it before.

after years of being controlled, called nasty names, being slapped, spit on, blamed, belittled, insulted, raged at, having my path blocked, threatening to harm herself, accused of all kinds of things, not forgiven for things I have done wrong and repented of, nut understood, validated, accepted, cared about... .  and now after I have a foot out of the door she says something clicked for her and now she wants to change and make things better. she said she would do anything to make it better.

and I keep repeating that I stated in my letter (yes I wrote it down and left it for her Tuesday per advice in the leaving part of this board, to be clear and safe from volatility) that I want her to let me go. And that I do not buy all this sudden change. I told her yesterday that I did not write that because I was undecided or wanted to work on things. they will never respect our boundaries, but instead try to get their hooks into us ever more deeply using whatever means will work. I am done with this roller coaster. it is tough sometimes, but you have to remember why you decided to leave in the first place and remember that this disorder is deep. no one can change like this on a dime. they can act the part for a time to get you sucked back in, but in the end it is all for their own benefit. I'll repeat the above, that you need this for your own survival. that helps me a lot. stay strong.
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Curvy girl

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« Reply #13 on: January 21, 2013, 07:31:28 AM »

Excerpt
.Life presents us with a reality that seems to denounce our dreams and our commitment to do no harm. Never in our upbringing were we given the expectation that we might have to abandon another just to survive. Yes... .  SURVIVE. The BPD is not compassionate enough to make the sacrifices so that both of you can survive. And your own compassion in the hands of the BPD will just drain you of everything you are and everything you have.   

I am drained... .  

I am staying strong.I told him, one text, one email per day that's it. Maybe one phone call, my response to "we can still talk right". (I should never have opened that door. )

I feared he would work himself up into a frenzy and do something to hurt himself I felt obligated to at least give him a chance to say what he needs to say and I felt for guilty for leaving him. The fog is so thick I can't see straight.

He was hurting more than has ever hurt before, it was tearing him apart. He can't get thought the day, he can't concentrate. He has a knife to his wrist and was trying to stop himself from cutting it.

The non stop texts were killing me at work, then he sent me a bunch of roses   

Things like " that man wasn't me". Geez really? He sure walked, sounded and acted like you.

I am so special to him,I'm perfect, the most wonderful person he knows. I felt like I was just punched in the stomach. Our lives will be so wonderful now. He literally told me to disregard anything he ever said to me and only focus on what he's saying now

He then flipped the switch and is now saying he's read so much on BPD.Why can't I just understand that he was just sick. You wouldn't blame anyone if they had epilepsy or a brain tumour would you.?

I wasn't sick though, my hurt was real then and it's real now.

Tomorrow I'm not picking up the phone or reading messages. I don't need to justify or defend why I have to save myself. It's hard enough trying to convince myself.

Thank you guys, for responding.I too am sorry we had to come to this point. I know I'm not alone and somehow that solidarity gives me the accountability I need and  I appreciate every bit.
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« Reply #14 on: January 21, 2013, 01:10:22 PM »

It is the worst when they are painting you "whitest of white."  In fact, I used to find it the most insulting of all.  After all the berating, belittling and abuse, crazyx would then turn around and tell me I was perfect -- complete with the crying begging and whining for me not to leave.  Calling BS, doesn't begin to cover how insulting that is.

Amen!  I was beyond frustrated when my ex switched from FML everything and how terrible our life was together to Mr Apologetic - you are the best ever - we have to be together. Blah. 3 months NC. Still have moments I struggle, but they are moments not days any longer.

Hang in there!
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must move on
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« Reply #15 on: January 21, 2013, 03:21:27 PM »

Excerpt
T

I could have written this.  He wants us to keep working on it - where working on it means that I listen to him, forgive and forget the past, do what he says, and bury my own needs.  He wants the Stepford wife.  He says he knows I'm stressed and have a lot on my plate and that he only wants to help.  Why can't I just let him help me and then starts telling me that if I'd only learn to trust him and be more vulnerable with him, we could have this great life together.  But, how am I supposed to be vulnerable to someone who uses that vulnerability to manipulate and harm me?

He only reaches out every few weeks now.  I feel a little guilty sometimes.  I do not want to hurt him.  But it's like waitaminute said, it's counterintuitive to the caring me, but it's about survival.  I cannot survive in the r/s with him.  I feel bad about leaving him and about not responding to the overtures, but I just can't go back in time in live in that awful place again.  It was destroying me. 

Hang in there. 

wow, well put thanks.

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Changed4safety
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« Reply #16 on: January 21, 2013, 03:32:27 PM »

Curvy girl,

Life presents us with a reality that seems to denounce our dreams and our commitment to do no harm. Never in our upbringing were we given the expectation that we might have to abandon another just to survive. Yes... .   SURVIVE. The BPD is not compassionate enough to make the sacrifices so that both of you can survive. And your own compassion in the hands of the BPD will just drain you of everything you are and everything you have.

When we give our heart, soul, body, and mind to these relationships, and find no replenishment of the same, the ultimate outcome is obvious. There will be nothing left but the empty carcass of a once loving, caring partner... .   you.

First... .  I am printing this out and putting it next to the computer, where we do most of our "chatting" 

Second... .  Jeez Louise... .  is there some script out there they all have delivered to their inboxes once a month?  I cannot believe how many times I have read word for word the same load of crap. 
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waitaminute
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« Reply #17 on: January 21, 2013, 03:40:08 PM »

Curvy girl,

Life presents us with a reality that seems to denounce our dreams and our commitment to do no harm. Never in our upbringing were we given the expectation that we might have to abandon another just to survive. Yes... .   SURVIVE. The BPD is not compassionate enough to make the sacrifices so that both of you can survive. And your own compassion in the hands of the BPD will just drain you of everything you are and everything you have.

When we give our heart, soul, body, and mind to these relationships, and find no replenishment of the same, the ultimate outcome is obvious. There will be nothing left but the empty carcass of a once loving, caring partner... .   you.

First... .  I am printing this out and putting it next to the computer, where we do most of our "chatting"  

Second... .  Jeez Louise... .  is there some script out there they all have delivered to their inboxes once a month?  I cannot believe how many times I have read word for word the same load of crap.  

No script. My thoughts. And... .  You can disagree but you should say why you disagree. Otherwise, it looks like you have just spit in my eye with no redeaming value in your post.
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« Reply #18 on: January 21, 2013, 03:47:22 PM »

List of things to do... .  been there... .  

Its sucks, its not far and you will never understand his thinking... .  don't wear yourself out on his long repeats. You need you energy to... .  

Make an escape plan. In the mean time, try not to trigger his insecurities, be nice, calm and do not react to his babbling. Call on friends and family for support.

Once you are free from him, block his number for a while. I would let him know in one respectful text that you are leaving him and not returning and you will not put up with the long emotional harassment anymore. Then... .  do not reply to anything. I suggest NO PHONE CALLS too! If you give him just the slightest crack in the door, he will kick it in and start all over again. It is not your fault, and you do not have to listen to it. He will not stop just by you asking him because he can not control it.

Good luck!
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« Reply #19 on: January 21, 2013, 03:49:27 PM »

Sorry, Waitaminute... .  by "script" I meant what CurvyGirl said that her BPD said.  Mine said almost exactly the same thing... .  word for word.  He also has said word for word what others have reported hearing from their partners with BPD.  That was the "They" I was mentioning. Smiling (click to insert in post)

Far from spitting in your eye, I LOVED your post.  I have indeed printed it out, to look at and to remind me to stay strong and not get sucked up into my exBPDs drama.  My apologies for any misunderstanding!
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« Reply #20 on: January 21, 2013, 03:50:06 PM »

One more thing... .  he is on the top right now trying to get you back... .  if you cave... .  he will start the pattern over again. You will continue to be hurt by him. His words do not mean anything... .  his actions are the truth and are real. Words are his own fantasy reality.
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« Reply #21 on: January 21, 2013, 03:54:12 PM »

Curvy girl,

Life presents us with a reality that seems to denounce our dreams and our commitment to do no harm. Never in our upbringing were we given the expectation that we might have to abandon another just to survive. Yes... .   SURVIVE. The BPD is not compassionate enough to make the sacrifices so that both of you can survive. And your own compassion in the hands of the BPD will just drain you of everything you are and everything you have.

When we give our heart, soul, body, and mind to these relationships, and find no replenishment of the same, the ultimate outcome is obvious. There will be nothing left but the empty carcass of a once loving, caring partner... .   you.

First... .  I am printing this out and putting it next to the computer, where we do most of our "chatting" 

Second... .  Jeez Louise... .  is there some script out there they all have delivered to their inboxes once a month?  I cannot believe how many times I have read word for word the same load of crap. 

Taking a crack at rewriting this:

First, I am printing this out and putting it next to the computer.  It sums up perfectly the reasons why I must stay strong.  I'll have it at the computer, where my exBPD likes to bully me into chatting online or sending me emails. 

Second... .  Jeez Louise... .  is there some script out there that BPD folks all have delivered to their inboxes once a month?  My exBPD said almost verbatim what CurvyGirl has reported he said to her.  Other times, he has said things that others have reported.  It's really shocking to see how similar these situations are. 

There! 
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lost007
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« Reply #22 on: January 21, 2013, 11:16:31 PM »

It is all the same. It's repetitive. Nastiness. Remorse. Kindness. My soon to be ex says and does all the same things. She is realizing that it is her who has hurt and damaged the relationship. She can have empathy. I have loved her deeply. The texts and calls keep coming. Is there some part of us that will be sad when they stop?  In my case yes. But I know it has to. It is pathological. I hurt for her. I hurt for me. I want it all to stop. I want her out of my head. Maybe repetitive posts here will help that happen.
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HarmKrakow
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1226


« Reply #23 on: January 22, 2013, 04:05:21 AM »

I'm sorry but the 'begging/crying/won't stop calling' has not in a specific way something to do with BPD right? As there has been many occasions where someone with BPD just left their partner from day 1 tot day 2 without any notice. And the 'begging/crying/wont stop calling/saying things will get better' is a relative 'normal' thing when a relationship breaks up no?
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Curvy girl

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 45



« Reply #24 on: January 22, 2013, 07:17:42 AM »

I believe the begging  crying wont stop when you leave them is core BPD because people with BPD have abandonment issues.

It doesn't matter that they called you every name under the sun and left you a million times. Never mind they had no interest in spending time with you and treated you like you were the worst person in the world  and they painted you black.

You finally take them up on their advice and suddenly beg you to come back and you were the best girlfriend anyone could ever asked for.

It may be relatively " normal" to be sad when a relationship ends but when a man who left you on the side of the road and then yelled that if you said another word  they were going to kick you in the f#*~ing head. Then goes ahead and sends you flowers everyday and tells you you are the love of your life. Then you feel guilty because you've hurt them and a part of you wants to comfort the man who treated you worse than anyone has ever treated you.

Then you're swimming in all sorts of BPD craziness.

I'm having an angry day today.
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SurvivedLove
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Single
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« Reply #25 on: January 22, 2013, 08:24:14 AM »

What I really don't get is how they often attempt to use YOUR friends to gain info about YOU.

In December I made very clear that I didn't wish to hear from my ex again. That I had done all I could, said all I had to say and that I had already been moving on for several months.

After I hadn't been reachable for a while, he caught one of my friends who was gonna be late for a group thing (we all play World of Warcraft together and my friend was late for raid due to RL interrruptions), INSTANTLY using the same tricks he used last year; "Is C OK? I am so worried for her, tell me what's going on?". Since I had already told my friend that he could expect this to happen, he was prepared and brushed my ex off with a firm "She's fine, there's no need for you to worry".

I saw him use the same methods to regain contact last year when I went NC and blocked/ignored him everywhere. I know it's a recycling attempt, trying to get me to rage at him for questioning my friends, because hey, then I am at least TALKING to him, right? Urgh. It really makes me grumpy to think of.

Last year I caved in and took the bait after about 3 months. This time I think I have learned my lesson and finding these boards has given me some insight I didn't have then. I can get a bit 'Meh!' at the thought that he might contact me directly if my friends keeps brushing him off.

I've actually considered changing my number. Since we live in two different countries, I am not worried about him showing up at my door. I mean, he wouldn't do that, would he?
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GreenMango
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4326



« Reply #26 on: January 22, 2013, 01:22:08 PM »

CG there's going to be those angry days.  Then the ok ones, then maybe another angry one, or sad... .  the grief process can be hard.

How is your support? Friends family? Therapy?
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must move on
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Posts: 71



« Reply #27 on: January 22, 2013, 01:40:00 PM »

What I really don't get is how they often attempt to use YOUR friends to gain info about YOU.

In December I made very clear that I didn't wish to hear from my ex again. That I had done all I could, said all I had to say and that I had already been moving on for several months.

After I hadn't been reachable for a while, he caught one of my friends who was gonna be late for a group thing (we all play World of Warcraft together and my friend was late for raid due to RL interrruptions), INSTANTLY using the same tricks he used last year; "Is C OK? I am so worried for her, tell me what's going on?". Since I had already told my friend that he could expect this to happen, he was prepared and brushed my ex off with a firm "She's fine, there's no need for you to worry".

I saw him use the same methods to regain contact last year when I went NC and blocked/ignored him everywhere. I know it's a recycling attempt, trying to get me to rage at him for questioning my friends, because hey, then I am at least TALKING to him, right? Urgh. It really makes me grumpy to think of.



Is that what it's about... .  I suspected my exBPD was doing this but was never sure and didn't realize it was about trying to recycle... .  
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