It's my bday and all I want is to move on...

[beachgirl009]

I figured that I would hear from the exBPDfiance today.  I mentally (or so I thought) prepared myself for some kind of contact.  Last year at this time he had just proposed on the 10th at my 30th birthday party and I didn't think I could be any happier.  That was before all those red flags started hitting me over the head and before he started spiraling down really fast. 

Well I got my email this morning "Happy Birthday, I will love you always. - ex".  And I cried... .  at my desk... .  

I have been NC since October.  No I haven't blocked his emails.  But he doesn't spam it or anything (well anymore). 

I really just want to be able to move past all of this... .  Moments like that where I just burst out crying make me realize I'm not as far a long as I had hoped. 

[trouble11]

Sorry BG,  I hate the "I will always love you" texts.  :)on't they realize how stupid they sound?  I mean think about it.  I've gotten lots of B-day wishes from normal ex's over the years.  They NEVER say that.  I have an ex that I've been broken up with for 10 years now.  He calls me EVERY birthday, he was never mean to me, never walked out, never did any of this goofy crap, he was always very loving and he still doesn't say this.   It's hurtful and nauseating at the same time.    

I hope you don't reply.  

[trevjim]

I can sort of relate, I was find until I saw that 'the walking dead' had a new episode out (we used to watch it together) and for about an hour after I was upset and a bit shook up. Today on the way to work I'm sure I saw her boyfriend's car (its quite distinctive) and again I was upset and in a bad mood for the morning.

Its strange I can think I'm doing so well and them boom, something either small or big pops up and I feel I've made no progress at all.

[seeking balance]

Any contact right now likely feels like a scab being ripped off the wound.

The wound is healing, it just had some extra trauma - this is the first bday without him... .  and you only have to have 1 first of this pain.  Next year will feel different.

Today, if you get sad, just tell yourself, "this is the only time I have to feel this stuff on my bday for the first time - I will survive and tomorrow is a new day."

Happy Birthday Beachgirl!

Peace,

SB

[afterdeath]

Indeed. A very happy birthday to you! Mine is coming up March 1St. I will not hear from my ex. In a way I wish I would to know she does think of me and I actually meant something but I know I won't, she doesn't, and I didn't.

Happy 31St! It's your birthday you can cry if you want to

[daintrovert13]

Well I got my email this morning "Happy Birthday, I will love you always. - ex". 



Not cool... my ex does stuff like this. "I'll always care about you". "I still have a lot of love for you". etc

What is this? Further manipulation? Fear of losing us completely? Vindictiveness?

Enjoy your Birthday

[beachgirl009]

Thanks... .  I think it is the "firsts".  Obviously I'll make it through, I survived the major holidays and I'll make through this too.  I think this was just hard because when he proposed I was super happy and knowing how quickly it all burned afterwards makes it hard. 

I swear the ring went on my finger and he thought he owned me all the sudden and he could treat/do/say whatever he wanted and I would just be there.   Not so much... .  

[Rose Tiger]

  If only some memories weren't so good.  It makes the whole thing extra maddening that it couldn't stay good.

Maybe we should have rule, anytime an ex contacts us, we buy ourselves a present in honor of your 31st birthday.  Somehow turn a negative into a positive.  I was shopping last night with teen, she was picking out valentine candy for her best friend.  I saw a cute coffee cup with hearts on it that is filled with candy.  I thought, who can I buy this for?  And then I thought, ME, that's who! I think you should get yourself something nice for your birthday, take good care of you and treat yourself like a princess. 

[sheepdog]

beachgirl0009 - first, I hope you had the most stellar, beautiful of birthdays!   

Second, you ARE moving along in the process.  I don't think it's fair for you to say you aren't as far along as you hoped.  beachgirl, you LOVED this man.  You were going to MARRY this man.  And granted, I don't know you personally, but from your posts, you seem together and not one to jump into a romance or a marriage like a Kardashian.  So, all of that *meant* something to you.  Meant something deep to you.

And in only a year, less than a year, less than half a year, (right?) everything got pulled out from under you.  Everything.

I kind of wonder if maybe you are taking it too well... .  

That came out wrong... .  let me see if I can explain.

I was recently told by someone who knows me better than anyone that I tend to sweep things under the rug and stay in control - outwardly.  Recently, I lost my grandmother who was one of the closest people in the world to me.  It has been almost two months.  I have been working like a mad woman, going to events, etc., etc.  Last night I was reading and read something that made me think of her and I totally lost it.  I had not cried since her funeral.  Methinks I don't let myself grieve sometimes. 

I don't know if this is making sense.

I guess bottom line is - it was your birthday and you got an email from someone you loved with your whole being.  I think that laying your head on your desk and crying after less than 4 months NC doesn't mean that you are not progressing.

You are a really strong person, beachgirl.   

Happy birthday!