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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Detaching: A list of POSITIVES  (Read 454 times)
AbayaLady

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« on: February 20, 2013, 11:21:47 AM »

Hi all,

As I read some of what's been posted here this week, my heart goes out to all of you dealing with the pain of detaching, the confusion and agony of NC, and the constant struggle with "Is this really over?" and "Why can't they just be rational for once?"

We all know it's really over (or it will be after the NEXT recycle  ) and we all know they CAN'T be rational, as hard as that is to believe.

We need a little bit of positivity here to get through the day!

I am in low/no contact right now with my stbxuBPDh (phew!) which basically means I will respond to "how are you?" but nothing else, no matter how crazy the messages are. And they are CRAZY. We have had a long-distance relationship these three months, so for me, most contact was by phone.

Here's a list of the positives that I have noticed since I said "ENOUGH!":

1. I am no longer carrying my phone around with me everywhere, trying to answer immediately when he calls. I can even have the ringer off!

2. I AM SLEEPING instead of up until 3 a.m. listening to his rages. What was that about, anyway?

3. I no longer worry about how I'm breathing/sounds I am making/taking too many pauses in the conversation which would make him think something was up (he accused me of cheating all the time).

4. I can get my work done and not have to feel like my boss is listening to me talking on the phone to him all the time.

5. I am seeing my friends more now, and I don't have to get approval for every outing.

6. I'm not hiding from my family or friends who I was too scared to tell about this person and what he was doing to me. I've been able to open up and finally share that everything is/was not ok with us even though we were supposedly in the "honeymoon" phase.

7. I don't have to give him another dime that I will never see again.

8. I will never have to worry again about him hitting me. He never did, but as the situation deteriorated, I was worried more and more each time he visited that it could come to this. SO SCARY.

9. No more toxic conversations filled with his complaints about everyone else "$#!tting" on him all the time, while I try to say positive things that go nowhere.

Now that I see this list in full, it's really not that positive LOL. It's just a list of complaints about what I put up with that I don't have to now. Somehow it still helps me though. It's still early in my breakup so I guess I deserve a little jaded reflection. 

I hope that I can look back at this list later if there's ever a thought of returning to him—it will tell me to run the other way! It might also help me down the road when I need to be reminded that things can get better after being so horrible. I don't want to forget this experience—I want to learn from it and grow as a person.

Hopefully others will benefit from this exercise as well. Please feel free to add to the list!

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Rose Tiger
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« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2013, 11:31:47 AM »

A list of positives, I like it.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

The situation was killing me, I was sinking deeper and deeper into fog depression.  I kept thinking that I couldn't do it anymore but I didn't know how to escape!  How could I survive with just me and having no one to turn to for support?  I was terrified when I told him I was filing for divorce.

Then I got a AAA flyer in the mail.  I sign up for this and if I ever have car troubles, I call them.    I don't have to depend on ex for that. Whew!  That was a big worry.

I got a flyer in the mail for a service that said, "you name it, we do it".  I called and they came out, removed a dead tree and planted a new one.  Whew!  They even fixed some of my sprinker heads.    They even sent me a Christmas card.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I don't know why I had it in my head that I couldn't make it on my own.  I can do this!
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dharmagems
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« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2013, 02:12:46 PM »

Abayalady, I like your idea!  Here's my list of positives from my stbuBPDh:

1.  I don't have to go into panic attacks after his raging.

2.  He dosn't have to know every thing I do or what friend I visit, and then make a disagreeing face or a snide comment that "I'm not a responsible wife" before I leave the door.

3.  I don't have to hear him gaming all night

4.  I don't have to hear him go on about how everyone else is to blame

5.  I don't have to listen to him blaming me, how I am inappropriate and wrong

6.  I don't have to lie to close ones about how my marriage is going

7.  I don't have to hear anymore, "I don't have BPD, that's all you talk about- I think you need to see a therapist"

8.  I don't have to put up with him not wanting to go on any outing that evolves socializing with other people or doing something stressful like outdoor sports

9.  I don't have to hear him say "I love you"  every 10 mins. like he is the Overly Attached Girlfriend

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sunrising
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« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2013, 03:11:14 PM »

8.  I don't have to put up with him not wanting to go on any outing that evolves socializing with other people... .  

9.  I don't have to hear him say "I love you"  every 10 mins. like he is the Overly Attached Girlfriend

I have read a lot on this board over the last few weeks, but hadn't heard anyone mention these 2 things.  I had big problems with both of these.  I am (was) a very social person.   Some even referred to me as "the most fun/funny person they know".  That was often not the case when I was in the relationship, and I know it. I couldn't do/say a lot of things I normally would because of the eggshells upon which I was always walking.   

And my ex would say "I love you" completely out of the blue... .    Obviously I wanted to think she was just overwhelmed by feelings of love toward me, but even as brainwashed as I was, I remember thinking several times, "This seems like she's saying 'I love you' to convince HERSELF, rather than to express anything to me".  Knowing what I now know about BPD, I realize everything intimate she ever said to me was about her.  It still hurts to know that and say it. 
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Gimme Peace
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« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2013, 03:59:30 PM »

I can relate to the saying "I love you"  too much, but he manages to say it in a way that sounds

almost derogatory. The same way on those rare occasions he would tell me I looked nice, "You're hot", like it was the end of the world.  I won't miss his loaded comments that were disguised as something nice.

I won't have to get pawed at in public anymore, we'd be out and he would put his hands inappropriately on my body parts, we could be anywhere. If I removed his hand, he instantly got mad and the evening was ruined. I won't miss the lose-lose weird situations he put me in.

I won't miss the dead silences for entire weekends, where he cast very dark aura and made it impossible for anyone to enjoy his company, therefore eliminating the possibility of inviting people over. I won't miss the days he was overjoyed and excited because he was going to spend the day doing something fabulous, without me. He never seemed to want to take me anywhere fun, he only wanted to enjoy himself when I wasn't there. I won't miss that.

I will wake up in the morning and not think about him at all, for the entire day or week. That is the biggest positive of all.
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dharmagems
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« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2013, 04:12:14 PM »

but even as brainwashed as I was, I remember thinking several times, "This seems like she's saying 'I love you' to convince HERSELF, rather than to express anything to me".  Knowing what I now know about BPD, I realize everything intimate she ever said to me was about her.  It still hurts to know that and say it. 

It's still raw to me that I was also brainwashed onto thinking a partner out there actually does love me.  It's so heartbreaking ;(  And the "I love you" was my bait, and I fell for it.  Ugh!  I'm trying hard not to beat myself up for that.

I won't have to get pawed at in public anymore, we'd be out and he would put his hands inappropriately on my body parts, we could be anywhere. If I removed his hand, he instantly got mad and the evening was ruined. I won't miss the lose-lose weird situations he put me in.

I also was pawed in public inappropriately and he always wanted to hold my hand.  I enjoyed it in the beginning because I never got that treatment before from a boyfriend.  And, later on it got eerie.  And years later, I figured out the puzzle pieces of his behavior matched BPD. 

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sjgood

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« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2013, 04:54:20 PM »

I really like this list of positives. I think I will do the same exercise. How funny that I could pretty much copy your list and this woman and I were just friends!I still miss her but when I read your list I have to ask myself wth am I missing, anyway? It is hard and painful to unexpectedly be dumped and cut off. At least a week later, after she hung up on me, she pretty much told me why she was ending our friendship. Maybe I should say she somewhat yelled it rather than told me. There was certainly no discussion. She was right; I was wrong. Period. No matter what. If I tried to talk, she would hang up.My sin, she believes I had become close friends with a woman to whom she had introduced me. The fact is it is simply not true. We text periodically to propose meeting at the gym as a way to help us both get there.Sometimes I feel like my energy is being drained out of me and I wonder if that is still an energy connection we still have. Or maybe, it is the depression part of the grieving process. Today was day 13, I think, with no attempts at having contact. Coda meetings have really been helping me along with reading the posts. I will probably never meet even one of you but I don't feel alone or crazy anymore. Thank you all for posting.
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MakeItHappen
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« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2013, 05:18:06 PM »

Nice idea about the positive list.

It really does put things in perspective.

One thing I know I'm positive about is:

She told me, and I quote, I "hate the world, am negative, angry all the time, harsh and rude." My response was:"wow, no one, in my entire life ever described me like that, so the fact that you think of me that way after a very short time, fascinates me."

There was never any other response from her other than the usual, "ok."

I am VERY positive about not hearing that anymore.

 

Ps: Everyone I know describes me as one of the most, laid-back, optimistic, positive people they know... .  
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Cumulus
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« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2013, 05:50:21 PM »

Like rose tiger I now have a list that includes, mechanic, AAA, plumber, handyman, appliance repair man, tax person. I have gotten things done around the house that have been waiting for years to get done.

A big positive is the uninterrupted time I get to spend by myself. I like me and am finally getting to know me.

I really like that I have learned that even an incorrigible people pleaser like me can learn to say no. Sometimes now it doesn't even bother me.

I love having my kids, family and friends come to visit. I can really listen to what they say  and not worry about what could be happening on the BPD front.

I am so glad I know what his diagnosis is and what caused so much pain in our marriage. I can't believe how unaware I was now that I have learned so much.

I like thinking about what it would be like to have a relationship, a real relationship complete with truth and trust.

And most of all it is good have a list of positives and not have them turned into negatives.
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fakename
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« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2013, 05:59:02 PM »

abayalady,

such a great list you have... .  

it's comforting to know i'm not the only one who always had to have my phone on hand and be on call 24/7... .  

everything on this thread relates to my relationship with my ex, and its so helpful to hear it from others.

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fakename
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« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2013, 06:09:25 PM »

a positive i just thought of is that i feel like i'm getting my life and myself back together. i still obsess over her and check her emails, but i'm making progress slowly.

another positive is that i recognized that any of the times she would call to ask how my day was, she would never really inquire about my day, it was just an intro for her to tell me about her day and what she had to complain about or had to do. i can think back to maybe once her actually showing interest in my day, but that lasted for like 4 seconds, as she just asked a probing question and then instantly wanted to get the convo back focused on her

another positive, is that my daze of thinking i was in love with this girl is being revealed for what it actually was. none of it was real, i was just another toy to use. i remember her telling me how she needed me, even as i told her you managed your life just fine when you left me to be in a relationship with someone else for a year. she had nothing to say to that.

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Wooddragon
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« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2013, 06:10:45 PM »

Extra time to spend on the things that matter to me

Not having the television playing constantly even to an empty room

Having weekends where I'm not drinking heavily with him

Smoking less

Not feeling in danger on the back of his motorbike (actually I do miss this a bit!)

Spending quality time with my friends instead of trying to fit in with his all the time

Feeling physically lighter & freer

Looking people in the eye

Being in control

Having to talk about his stuff all.the.time

Being indirectly told how much better his other relationships have been

Not having his crappy distorted energy in my space - leaving room for positive healing energy


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atcrossroads
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« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2013, 06:17:03 PM »

I'm only two weeks out, and it all still feels a bit surreal to me, but here is my list (I still miss many things, so I'm taking baby steps):

-No more watching him self destruct by eating next to nothing, smoking (cigarettes and marijuana), and not taking care of himself

-No more listening to litany of how terrible everyone and everything is

-No more offering him food and having him accuse me of poisoning it (this was toward the very end and one of the final straws)

-No more avoiding each other in the house because every engagement became a conflict (separated in house for months)

-No more of him telling me no one else would ever want me, that I'd wasted the best years of his life, and that I have changed

-No more suffering through misogynistic comments whenever we had any conflict (must stem from his mom issues) - all women suck, women are evil, worst thing ever was giving women equal rights, all women exist to do is to control men, etc., etc.

-I've pulled off the bandaid. Let the healing begin.

That's it for now.

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Mind
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« Reply #13 on: February 21, 2013, 06:58:37 AM »

This is just what I needed today.  I am preparing for:

- being able to breathe in my own house

- going places that are fun instead of sitting home, traveling some day

- getting back to my place of happiness inside of me

- not having to deal with his anger bursts toward me

- not wondering when we won't be together, as he has told me pretty much the whole marriage it wouldn't last

- no more suffering from tension with his family

- not dealing with his overspending and money issues

- feeling safe again

- having a peace of mind that I tried everything possible to make this work
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id-crisis
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« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2013, 08:02:00 AM »

This is a good idea  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Here's mine, not in any particular order:

1)  Not feeling drained 24/7

2)  Not feeling like a bad person

3)  Not having to be so careful about every word I utter

4)  Being able to go shopping without him stalking me via phone

5)  Having money to spend on what I choose Smiling (click to insert in post)

6)  Meeting other people

7)  Making little plans for a future - no more doom & gloom!

8)  Relaxing however I see fit!

9)  Going to bed early just because I love my bed - he turned the bedroom into a gymnasium!   

10) Not having to endure his projections that I was responsible for his happiness and success

11) F R E E D O M!  I CAN BREATHE!  YEEE HAAAAAAAA   Smiling (click to insert in post)

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id-crisis
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« Reply #15 on: February 21, 2013, 08:08:28 AM »

Having to talk about his stuff all.the.time

SNAP! 


Not having his crappy distorted energy in my space - leaving room for positive healing energy

Double snap!   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I feel like partying  Smiling (click to insert in post)

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Discarded26
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« Reply #16 on: February 21, 2013, 09:02:29 AM »

Here's mine but not quite there yet

Not having to ask for his attention

No fighting

No feeling like I'm waiting to be dumped (was anyway)

Not walking on egg shells

Can speak to friends without being accused of 'getting with them' (Well tech still have with the odd txt from him)

No more feeling like I have to make it work and make him love me

No more listening to his lies

No more feeling like I'm the crazy one, when it was him

No more not feeling 'good enough' for him
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almost789
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« Reply #17 on: February 21, 2013, 09:15:16 AM »

Wow, I love this thread! Good for you, everyone!

My list is not very big as I didn't live with my pwBPD... .  but he sure has occupied my mind completely.

1. Peace in knowing "staying" is not working for me and making me miserable and I am ok with leaving.

2. Peace in knowing I'm no longer wasting my life away thinking about him every    waking minute.

3. Peace in knowing I don't want to change me, for him.

4. Peace in knowing I'll be just fine without him and looking forward to new opportunities.
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real lady
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WWW
« Reply #18 on: February 21, 2013, 10:52:43 AM »

  I borrowed a few of yours ((SummerT321))

  • Peace in knowing "staying" is not working for me and making me miserable and I am ok with leaving.


  • Peace in knowing I don't want to change me, for him


.

dharmagems added:

Excerpt
I don't have to hear him gaming all night

I don't have to hear him go on about how everyone else is to blame

I don't have to listen to him blaming me, how I am inappropriate and wrong

I don't have to hear anymore, "I don't have BPD, that's all you talk about- I think you need to see a therapist"

It is GOOD for us to think about WHAT WE ARE NOT missing... .  

I am sure that the NUMBERS OF FREQUENT BPD BEHAVIORS AND WHAT WE ENDURED  outweighs any list of "good things"... .  

BPD really sucks the good out of a relationship.

I love this thread too... .  
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laidee

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« Reply #19 on: February 21, 2013, 12:52:58 PM »

I love this post! Altho I'm currently undecided, I constantly think of the positives that would come from detaching:

- Being happy again

- Not having to try to figure out the underlying motive of his questions

- Not walking on eggshells because I didn't respond the way he wants me to

- Not feeling guilty for having an opinion different from his

- Financial freedom... .  somewhat Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). Will still have crazy credit card debt that was built trying to help him. But gone will be his car that is in my name, and will drop him from my car insurance with the quickness

- No more trying to figure out his mood

And when I do detach... .  

-Feeling that I did all that I could do

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Mistified247

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« Reply #20 on: February 22, 2013, 05:49:00 AM »

This is a good idea  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Here's mine, not in any particular order:

1)  Not feeling drained 24/7

2)  Not feeling like a bad person

3)  Not having to be so careful about every word I utter

4)  Being able to go shopping without him stalking me via phone

5)  Having money to spend on what I choose Smiling (click to insert in post)

6)  Meeting other people

7)  Making little plans for a future - no more doom & gloom!

8)  Relaxing however I see fit!

9)  Going to bed early just because I love my bed - he turned the bedroom into a gymnasium!   

10) Not having to endure his projections that I was responsible for his happiness and success

11) F R E E D O M!  I CAN BREATHE!  YEEE HAAAAAAAA   Smiling (click to insert in post)

I really related to this list. Everything in it rings true with me! (except the gym!).

In addition:

-   Being able to meet friends and not have to worry about bringing her along because she didn’t have any friends.

-   The doom and gloom element has gone from my life, which has made me significantly less stressed.

-   Having no more money issues, because I can now actually say no to things I can’t afford.

-   I can go off and do my own thing and not feel guilty

-   I can go out for a meal and not worry about her storming out or causing a scene, making it look like I was the one who caused it.

-   Not having to feel guilty about being unhappy

-   Not having to take numerous calls at work, to talk and calm her down about things.

-   Not being put down for being too fat, or not as good looking as someone else

-   Not having to listen to stupid excuses for being out ridiculously late and coming in drunk.

-   Not having to wonder what she was really up to when out with the girls... .  

-   Now I can see my friends and family again, and not have her wellbeing in the back of my mind constantly... .  

That really made me feel good!

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Leaf
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« Reply #21 on: February 22, 2013, 06:56:14 AM »

Good thread AbayaLady! Here's my list:

•   I can do whatever I want, now my week isn't planned from A to Z by someone else

•   I can sit behind my desk whenever I want, because there's nobody there watching internet porn who asks why? when I tell him I have to use my computer

•   I can go shopping and buy something for myself with my own money, and no one will spoil the fun afterwards (because his plans require a lot of money, I shouldn't spend it myself)

•   I can watch TV and record movies without someone telling me everything I watch and record is stupid

•   Pets can jump on my lap without somebody getting jealous (he thinks he's a dog-, horse- etc. whisperer and tells people I hate animals, but the animals always preferred my lap)

•   I can visit my family more often

•   I can drive my own car, I can drive it anywhere (no more testosteron damage to my car, no more monopolizing my car by someone else, no one telling me he'll throw me out of my own car so I can walk, no one telling me I should get a second old beat-up car because I'll bump into things if I drive myself)

•   Somewhere in the future I can fall in love

•   And more... .  
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karhues

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« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2013, 08:37:46 AM »

1.  Not waking up and finding him sleeping on the couch with his phone my his side (found out he was texting several women while I slept in bed)

2.  Not being told "I can't help what you think" or "I can't control what they send me"  (I would see texts or photos not were not ok)

3.  Not wondering who he was texting while he sat right on the side of me

4.  Not being supported when our eldest would go off on me - at first he was great but as time went on he would just seat there steering at the tv.

5.  Not getting all dressed up to go out and when I was ready he'd have fallen asleep watching TV and I'd cry.

6.  Not watching him flirt with every women he came in contact with

7.  Not giving him money and never getting any of it back

8.  Not having the TV on constantly - most of the time it was the news - so depressing.

9.  Not wondering where he is when he says he'll be right over and never shows up - won't answer the phone or texts - like he fell of the planet - then he would show up like he did nothing inconsiderate.

10.  Not being stuck home every Sunday because football was on - I mean he would watch it from the moment he woke up til 11 pm.

11.  Praying in time I will find a wonderful man to love me the way you're suppose to be loved.
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karhues

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« Reply #23 on: February 22, 2013, 08:43:07 AM »

Oh I forgot a few:

Not being in the car as he drove like a crazy person - no matter how often I said it bothered me.

Not watching as he would pass a car and give them a look like they were doing something wrong.

Not listening to him go on and on about his day - when he barely would listen to mine.

Not listening to him complain about his financial situation when in reality he brought it all on himself

Not having to endure his negative attitude!

Not being accused of having affairs when I never did - he was just projecting his guilt onto me.

I'm sure I'll think of more later!  I must say this is very good for my soul - thanks for thinking of it 
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laidee

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« Reply #24 on: February 22, 2013, 11:30:04 AM »

3.  Not wondering who he was texting while he sat right on the side of me

YES! My H is soo secretive when it comes to his phone. He always says i'm nosy trying to look at his phone. He turns it away from me, or just shuts it off as soon as i'm near. I wasn't trying to be nosy and could careless, but suspicious actions leads me to think something.

Excerpt
7.  Not giving him money and never getting any of it back

Double YES! I have acquired so much debt because of him, and have yet to see any of it back. But I did wise up and stopped offering to help.

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laidee

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« Reply #25 on: February 22, 2013, 11:32:00 AM »

Not listening to him complain about his financial situation when in reality he brought it all on himself

YESSSS again    Smiling (click to insert in post)
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AbayaLady

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« Reply #26 on: February 24, 2013, 10:46:13 PM »

Hey everyone,

I'm so glad that many of you found this to be a good exercise.

I was just reading another thread where GreenMango wisely steered a similar convo about lists of negative traits pwBPD share into another direction to avoid co-ruminating. I think my little list of "positives" (that I already admitted was really just complaints) might be in danger of leading to that unhelpful co-ruminating place. Especially since so many of our "positives" start with the very negative word "Not", as in all the things we don't have to deal with anymore.

Since it was my doing, I will try to gently steer us to a more productive end. I hope no one takes offense at this—I want us to heal together!

My new challenge: List truly positive things I can get back to that will help me improve myself. Actually, I could have done some of these in the r/s but I chose to LET him stop me. Now I know that was one of my contributions to it being a totally unhealthy situation.

Here's my new (and hopefully improved) list.

I WILL NOW:

- Start exercising again

- Pick up my Arabic/Quran study where I left off. I was doing great!

- Revive my blog dedicated to these two pursuits (20littleminutes.blogspot.com) that I

  dropped when we first started the r/s

- Reach out to friends and family during good times and bad and also just to see how they   

  are doing. It's not all about me!

- Get my finances under control

- Strive to watch less tv/movies online while reading more, an activity I love but neglect

That's enough for now. I hope this list also helps everyone shift the focus from the pwBPD to facilitate forward motion. Like all of the books/sites/therapists say: You have to take care of yourself!

Love to all my BPD family 

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LuckyEscapee
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 187


« Reply #27 on: February 25, 2013, 05:03:04 AM »

This is really excellent!

You all covered all mine off wonderfully, as if I'd wrote them myself.

Long may the peace and normality last.

Big forum hugs 
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wishingwell17
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« Reply #28 on: February 25, 2013, 10:00:04 AM »

this feels so good to read today. I've been in the middle of leaving hopefully tonight/this week I will break free and begin moving forward.

Focusing on the positives, reading others realizations of the "good" of ending the r/s is a great exercise for me this week ( and likely for many weeks to come)

- I will enjoy not being afraid of his 0-100 temper/rages and verbal abuse and then being told it is ALL my fault.

- I will love being away from being told I have deep rooted issues, that someone must have done something to me terrible and I just do not remember.

- I will enjoy not having every word examined and criticized, dissected and twisted back being told what I really meant to say.

- I will enjoy trusting myself AGAIN

- I will relish understanding I am good at what I do and applying it without his competing with every project and needing to be involved

- I will enjoy not thinking about if my partner is doing online dating to cope with his dissatisfaction or constant unhappiness

- I will enjoy not worrying about anyone lying to me.

- I will enjoy interacting with rational balanced people again, my friends, meet new people and just relax... .  laugh.

- I will enjoy working out again and not being lectured to about how I do it.

- I will enjoy eating healthy and not watching him starve himself and binge on junk

- I will enjoy not being with someone who is every day concerned more with his weight and looks than finances

- I will feel freed to not have to listen to him take over a conversation and just sit there while he goes on for 30 minutes without pause.

- I will love being with people ( my friends) who are healthy and have quietly stood by me even when I seemed to have all but disappeared.

- I will love not feeling manipulated for my good fortune and feeling guilty for asking for what is reasonable and rational from an adult.

- I will feel relief knowing it can only get better, it was before, it will be again.

- I will be excited to move back into the house I did not let go of when I moved in with him 9 moths ago and make it into a place I love to live, again.

 I will be thankful I have found this place and all of you for the support I may need when I forget the above list 


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real lady
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Living together, engaged but had been VERY ROCKY from Nov. 2011 to August 2012...evening out now...I am in counseling!!
Posts: 718



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« Reply #29 on: February 25, 2013, 10:40:11 AM »

this feels so good to read today. I've been in the middle of leaving hopefully tonight/this week I will break free and begin moving forward.

WONDERFUL LIST of POSITIVES ((wishingwell17)) ... .  you can SEE it, IT WILL HAPPEN.   

Thank you for verbalizing MANY of my "positives" as well including:

Excerpt
- I will enjoy not being afraid of his 0-100 temper/rages and verbal abuse and then being told it is ALL my fault.

- I will love being away from being told I have deep rooted issues, that someone must have done something to me terrible and I just do not remember.

- I will enjoy not having every word examined and criticized, dissected and twisted back being told what I really meant to say.

- I will enjoy not worrying about anyone lying to me.

- I will enjoy interacting with rational balanced people again, my friends, meet new people and just relax... .  laugh.

- I will feel freed to not have to listen to him take over a conversation and just sit there while he goes on for 30 minutes without pause.

- I will love being with people ( my friends) who are healthy and have quietly stood by me even when I seemed to have all but disappeared.

- I will love not feeling manipulated for my good fortune and feeling guilty for asking for what is reasonable and rational from an adult.

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