Some help please on this

[Johan]

After some months of us parting , i finally found it in me go NC a few weeks ago.

In it just said why i was concerned for her,that I had alot of respect for what she has been trhough and cared deeply about her. However i cannot keep trying, she knew I felt she feared abandonment, that this shall will indeed be the last communication on my part. This is longest NC i have been able to maintain. It is taking its toll on my own mental health and occupation, with the confusing replies that seem to agitate me I could not carry on.

I can see 'likes' and 'friends' only on her profile.

After all this time, i seen a public post on a topic, which kind of concerns her in way if she wanted it too, but really was never into such things at all, but its a topic which I have been discussed regularly among our friends and herself for the last many months of our relationship.

I can now see she shared it publicly and she made a very informed post that sounds like something I would post. She used to listen to me talking about these kind of things all the time to her and others,  but her 'self' since leaving was not so much into such things, infact not at all, but more enjoying dinners with her friends and parties and other social events.


I know not to check her social networking page, but sometimes I do fail to resist.

[marbleloser]

That's a part of you that she's still mirroring and has taken on as part of herself. She must have liked that part of you and thought highly of it to be using it as a part of her own personality now.

That said,try and stay away from her fb posts.It does you absolutely no good and keeps you focused on her,instead of yourself.I understand though.I've been there.

[Whitefang]

 Agree. Continuing to look isn't productive.  You are no longer in a R/S with her.  What do you expect to find?  Proof she's moved on, idolizing another, still living the script?  Perhaps badmouthing or subtle digs at your expense?

It sucks, I know. Just ask yourself why the temptation?  What are you gonna do if you find any of the above?  NC includes focusing all that attn on yourself.  It's true we can't reciprocate love to ourselves directly, but giving it to a person who can now care less is even worse.   Keeps you vulnerable to wounding, hurt, ruminating, not ejecting that BPD hook.