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Author Topic: Tougher stance with DD26 - is this the 'right' thing to be doing?  (Read 908 times)
qcarolr
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Gender: Female
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married to DH since 1976
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« Reply #30 on: April 21, 2013, 08:36:39 AM »

I keep forgetting: how does it work with disability? Could your dd get her housing paid by that?

My DD struggles so to get qualified for federal benefits, SSI. She has applied 3 times starting at age 19 when she no longer got benefits under my disability benefits. She is appealing and is last stage - the 4th level - in federal district court. Now we just wait for the judge to give his answer. This takes from 9 months to 2 years, it was put in his hands last September. So puzzled by these denials. I believe some of it comes from her refusals to do therapy, to build the documentation with professionals. And of course, this very refusal is a part of the disability   So there is very limited funds to her from the county while she waits for the SSI answer.

Housing - very long wait lists for adults without children. Then there is DD's legal history filled with domestic violence incidents - even without arrests. Then there are the actual misdemeanor convictions. So they would no place her in housing, thoug she has many friends in such low income housing who have gotten their SSI. SHe is not able to play by the rules. I can see that many in her homeless group are in this same place - unable to play by the rules to get their needs met. If she can keep from getting any new charges (they base this on arrests, not convictions) for 5 years she can try again. Or if she is truly working on her issues with a professional therapist, they can help her appeal the housing denials - she has to choose to get treatemnt and be honest in treatment.

Choosing treatment may never happen, or be  a very long tortuous process for her -- and for her family.

Excerpt
Anyway, I just want to encourage you: you are so dedicated, so caring and loving. Who besides you and your dh has spent so much time, energy and resources trying to help your dd?

Thank you for the encouragement. There are so many here in my same position -- with as much love, care, and frustration willing to give all they can to try and help their troubled kids. So hard to discern what is supportive and what is enabling. What they each can do for themselves and what they need help with. If we did not care so very much, we would not be here to support and care for each other.

And besides that, I just love to talk talk talk -- tell my story. I hope it gives others encouragement too.

qcr  
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The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. (Dom Helder)
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
qcarolr
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« Reply #31 on: April 22, 2013, 10:40:20 AM »

Update: DD has shifted up to stable mood. Brought up exbfM last night - he went to concert with old gf's yet told her he still loved her. I reminded her that he says this when it fits his needs. When she has needs, he is not there to encourage her, unless it fits what he needs. She nodded. I suggested he has a PD - narcessitic PD. She said, yeah totally self-centered. And mom, I have a pd too. from me: yeah, but your's is borderline. I have a book you can read. she said: I know what it is.

Wonder if she ever reads in the DBT workbook I gave her 2 years ago?

this is a first, for her to admit out loud that she has PD. My assumption: she is working in her counseling classes at drug/alcohol center. She started the second level class 2 weeks ago.

Today: went to PO meeting. he reminded her to keep up UA's and good job going to classes. Next appt. in 3 weeks instead of 10 days. She chose to stay home instead of hanging out with friends. She is still planning to go to meet with work counselor thursday at mental health center.

So for today, all is good.

qcr  
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The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. (Dom Helder)
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« Reply #32 on: April 22, 2013, 09:01:30 PM »

good report qcr!

Today, it all sounds encouraging! Savor it, enjoy the present peace.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)  
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