is/was your BPD at all helpfull in some way? any redeeming quality

[Not2Crazy]

Clearmind I think it was bourne out of my "lonely child Syndrome" whic was my brother always in trouble and stealing attention and an elementary school that treated me like a "disease". I thought that the girls who performed the "scope mouthwash" commercials were what girls were like and was like and probably still like a teenaged boy when any girl ah ah woman gives me attention. Wow do I have a internal struggle when I try to laugh at "ABout Schmidt".

So I'm convinced that my exW wPBD was all in all not helpful even in these ways that others are saying in this post that theirs were helpfull. Rushing tio be nice to me when I get sick and being there for me... .  all the time telling the doctors and church members that God is punishing me for being an evil man.

Let me ask you does schema therapy help people like me be assertive and make real money because I am way a sucker for a little kindness. I hope I will continue to get some feedback from others about the core subject of my post. I'm not out to say that BPD's aren't victims but why can't I and why don't medical doctors and church leaders tell BPD's to "GET HELP" ? why don't they say "you Know Not2crazy... .  your ex might just have BPD" and what she told me I understand now is NOT TRUE.

[Not2Crazy]

Hurt llama said ... .  

"The fact my ex is not easily tagged as 'bad' has done nothing but made it harder to see what's going on... .  "

I don't know how this cut and paste from others works but that is a c&p from "Hurt llama"

and I wanted to say that finally someone ... .  "Hurt llama" has said that and other things that is more like what life ( my continued life )with my exwBPD was and is like.

I mean there IS this "gushing moment" of helpfulness of what makes sense and what educated people say and it looks like I am going to find a "normal" person there that can function in a relationship, be it now a divorced one or not it is still a relationship ... .  

but almost everytime I encounter her, ( go pick up my kids for a visitation 3 times a week )

it is STILL like I never existed ... .  and I mean existed to serve as a partner, lead the family if I can Stretch political correctness to those who may think that parenting and family management should have no "leader" to make this point

is to say that to function as a unit is a healthy relationship then one of the 2 can't just flop sides of the fence on every issue which is to say do whatever they feel like. A BPD IS NOT Grey, ( at least not mine) they don't "sit on the fence.

How she feels right then and what she feels like others say she should feel ( like her divorce lawyer, pastors that didn't ask me what was going on,  ) that forms her perspective on the issue at the time. Whatever the verse of the Bible, the Psychological insight or the reading of a fortune cookie is projected onto me to excuse her for her pondering of what value I am.

It is truly like we have no past but she must feel that she is making ME a better person with her criticisms... .  they really are just criticisms.

Her mother said some things to her everytime I visited with them (her family) that I understand made her have all this anxiety. Her mother always said these things that in essence were " you put your socks on the wrong feet , go to your room"... .  I'm talking in a parable about psychological abuse about never measuring up to something that does not make sense you know socks can go on either foot! Lets not even talk one black one nearly black but blue.

But the FACT that preachers, Medical doctors, marriage counselors, Large group marriage seminars say nothing like "it could be BPD" is astounding to me and sometimes this forum I say to myself "naw ... .  we all imagine this because we don't want to face ourselves" .

But the reality is that ( mine at least ) is manipulating her world to defend against any criticism  that prevent her from forming a relationship it's instead a one sided endless discussion, ( not to say that criticism is a healthy way to form a relationship I'm just saying there is not a homogenous gel to form a relationship because of the defense mechanism )

WHY DON'T PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE "IN THE KNOW" (helping us live better lives) help these BPD's and their partners , US ! WHAT are they good for IF THEY CAN'T SAY TO OUR PARTNERS WITH BPD WHAT WE CANNOT SAY TO THEM, if they can't persuade a person with BPD that THEY were abused and need help because of it and yet the BPD goes and unloads all this black thinking and projections of us on them?


Yes BPD's are victims looking to make victims, zombie like.

yes some of us ( and me ) once loved and maybe still do love and want that person to function to keep our children safe and able to function as well.

part of me says Clearmind is right to tell me to "work on myself" and "don't speak about them in generalization" as if they are all the same and impossible but every day my kids say the things that she says to them and they know they don't make ANY sense and if they even mattered why would they have ANY responsibility to those thoughts. They have been said by someone who isss  wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Crazy and I'm not2crazy about it.