BPD ex's birthday today...

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm not a particularly superstitious man, but I had an extremely vivid nightmare last night about getting back together with my BPD exgf that I've been NC with for 11 months. More so, I was haunted by this nightmare along with thoughts of her all day and couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong - then I went through some old emails and realized that today is her birthday.

To make matters more confusing, a friend excitedly texted that one of my favorite musicians (along with another favorite band of mine) is playing tonight at a venue close to my ex - not only that, but he has a spare ticket for free and would be giving me a ride as well; since my ex was also a huge fan of this musician - and because it's her birthday - there's a good chance that she may be there, so I begrudgingly declined - even though these are musicians from overseas that only come here every few years or so.

Even though music (especially live music) is such an important part of my life, I already have two venues located by my ex which are "off limits" to me for the sake of my own emotional well-being. One measurement of overall health will be when I can go wherever I please and be confident that I can run into her without regressing into misery or having a panic attack.

[lhd981]

I'm not a particularly superstitious man, but I had an extremely vivid nightmare last night about getting back together with my BPD exgf that I've been NC with for 11 months. More so, I was haunted by this nightmare along with thoughts of her all day and couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong - then I went through some old emails and realized that today is her birthday.

To make matters more confusing, a friend excitedly texted that one of my favorite musicians (along with another favorite band of mine) is playing tonight at a venue close to my ex - not only that, but he has a spare ticket for free and would be giving me a ride as well; since my ex was also a huge fan of this musician - and because it's her birthday - there's a good chance that she may be there, so I begrudgingly declined - even though these are musicians from overseas that only come here every few years or so.

Even though music (especially live music) is such an important part of my life, I already have two venues located by my ex which are "off limits" to me for the sake of my own emotional well-being. One measurement of overall health will be when I can go wherever I please and be confident that I can run into her without regressing into misery or having a panic attack.

[leftbehind]

@lhd981 - I wouldn't have gone either.  Why open old wounds?  But yes I get what you're saying.  When it doesn't matter anymore whether or not she's there is the day you'll be truly free.  Until then it sounds like you're holding strong.  Keep taking care of you.