Disagreeing with other members

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm curious, and perhaps this has been discussed before and someone may want to post the link here to the thread if so, but are there any guidelines to the best way to handle conflict on this board, or politely disagree with other members?  Sort of like "collegial debate" or fighting fairly?   

It hasn't happened yet here that I've seen, but I have seen it at other support forums and think it's worth discussing if it hasn't already been.  Or maybe bump the thread it was in if there already is one.

[Beachbumforlife]

I'm curious, and perhaps this has been discussed before and someone may want to post the link here to the thread if so, but are there any guidelines to the best way to handle conflict on this board, or politely disagree with other members?  Sort of like "collegial debate" or fighting fairly?   

It hasn't happened yet here that I've seen, but I have seen it at other support forums and think it's worth discussing if it hasn't already been.  Or maybe bump the thread it was in if there already is one.

[PDQuick]

This might help... .  

3.0 Discussion Format: bpdfamily/bpdfamily.com is set up as a collegium. We follow a Collegial Discussion format which is characterized as having "authority" vested equally among colleagues/peers. As such, members present their ideas in "collegial harmony" and the credibility of their positions are based solely on the quality of the points they advance in writing. Diversity is to be embraced - there is often much to be learned from others views and perspectives.

Please note that collegial discussion is different than debate. Debate is an argument or a discussion generally ending with a vote or agreement on the best decision. In debate, unity is the objective. Members are discouraged from debating and arguing against others' positions, questioning the wisdom of others, or restating of their position repeatedly. See also Advising and Supporting Others, Respecting Belief Systems, Divisive Exchanges, Lying and Misrepresentations, or Advocating for Others.



more... .  

[Beachbumforlife]

Thank you so much for the reply pdquick.  I did see that in the guidelines.  I just thought maybe some examples of how to play fair while you are disagreeing could be helpful.  Like, what are the rules for disagreeing respectfully?  Especially in a support forum.

I think it is so important because many of us have different things we are working on, or past experiences that could 'trigger' us. But we have to remember other members have these same issues potentially too.

I guess there has never been a thread on it before?  Maybe things automatically run smoothly here and there is no reason to discuss it. That's not a bad thing.   

[MaybeSo]

An example ;

"I understand and appreciate that XYZ may be true for you. But for me, at this point in my journey, abc is still true for me."

It is just being polite in your wording,  just as you would be (hopefully) at work or anywhere else.

And avoiding obvious verbal aggression, like  name calling, character assassination, insults, gross sweeping generalizations.

You know, the usual.

When a thread goes south into this territory a moderator interrupts it with a warning.CID it doesn't stop they lock the thread.  It happens here occasionally.

[Beachbumforlife]

Thank you maybeso.  I agree on the polite wording and the other stuff.  And good to know on the mods being involved.

[PDQuick]

BeachBum, as a person that went through this process, I remember being totally against what some people said to me in the beginning. As the process went on, and my thinking became untwisted, and I learned how to process my emotions, and deal with them in a healthy way, I found myself coming around and aligning myself with those who I had first opposed. This process is very enlightening in the aspect that we can look back and see not only how far we have come, but also, just how far down we had been.

Peace to you in your journey. 

[waverider]

To a degree we are here to learn how to deal with pwBPD, and the first rule you learn with that is avoiding head to head conflict, so I guess we are all conditioned to be cautious of all the careless "up you" dissing that goes on in nearly every other online forum on any topic you can think of.