question about jealousy issues

[benny2]

Yesterday after spending the day with my BPDbf and going to his doctor appt. with him, I noticed everywhere we went he commented on men staring or looking at me. The gas station, the restaurant, even the doctor office. Although I find this a bit flattering, I also find it disturbing because I honestly do not think these men were looking or staring at me. One guy simply turned around and I believe looked beyond me, and he started laughing and shook his head. I'm just trying to figure out what this is stemming from in terms of the disorder. Could it be a control issue, or possibly his fear of losing me to someone else? He has made comments to me before, but not like this. This was just over the top. He did not accuse me of returning the so called looks, just of them looking at me. He also has been very demanding of my time. Wanting me over there every night, which is kind of out of the ordinary also.

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[VeryFree]

My stbx was extremely jealous. Made a big fuss about me talking to other women, even when I never was flirting or something like that.

Once I was going away to some friends and she didn't come along. Afterwards she would ask me: "And, have been talking to a lot of bhites all evening, haven't you?".

My answer didn't make her laugh: "No, we didn't have time to talk"

[hanginon]

I would have to respond that it is just part of the disorder. Mine has been worse at different times, I can't tell you what made her worse at one time than another.  My experience with my s/o is just basically insecure and needy. (= demanding on occasion)  At times I have had to talk her out of going over to confront some woman that she didn't like how she was looking at me... . to me it is just silly but evidently to her it is very real. I am not sure how/why but she seems to have gotten over the dramatic reactions. She will still mention something but not go over the top with it.

In my opinion as the relationship evolves with a s/o BPD they begin controlling your environment and doing their best to control you when they can't be there in person.  It really can be a mind game/brainwashing ordeal.  Mine has been terrible at times.  If you are not good at setting boundaries or a little too codependent you can get into a bad situation.

Good luck,

Hanginon

[Grey Kitty]

The best thing you can do is validate his feelings on this.

Don't talk about whether the guys were actually staring at you or not. You don't know what they were thinking.

Instead validate how he feels about it. His fear of losing you to somebody else might be the source.

Can you relate one of those conversations, and try to find some things you could validate in there? We've got a workshop on validation if you want to read that first.

Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it