Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 12:57:46 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: where im at right now  (Read 394 times)
left4good
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1153



« on: August 15, 2013, 06:46:49 PM »

I Don't really know.  By that I mean I Don't feel any different today then before we decided we were splitting up and moving out to different spaces. 

No anger, no sadness, I'm sleeping great, eating well... . what's up?

Could it be that I had already started to detach prior to saying I was done?

Am I a little less shocked since this isn't round one?

Am I just OK with the decision?

Denial?

Left
Logged
Undine

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: living apart, 2 mos
Posts: 27


« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2013, 03:45:11 PM »

I am also not as broken up as previously... . I guess I could see it coming. I still miss being with him-I just don't miss the abuse. I was with him for 4 &1/2 years and we broke up 4 times and came close to breaking up more times than I could count. I think I took him by surprise when I didn't try to fix it this time. I had to make a choice that I wouldn't put up with his unacceptable behavior anymore. I had made myself very clear about the boundary he was stepping on and it was an essential one. Maybe I was numb then, I can feel myself starting to grieve now. I don't think about him much during the day but I dream about him almost every night. I wish that would stop.
Logged
Lady31
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 565


« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2013, 12:33:32 AM »

ME TOO!  I thought I was the only one on here that felt pretty ok with the actual breakup.  I just finalized my divorce last week and I seriously teared up a little for about 5 minutes on the drive to the court house, and then for just a minute when the judge was asking me a couple questions. 

It scared me a little building up to that and now as I have hardly cried at all, and do not feel really heartbroken at all and that was what I was most terrified about as I have a hard time giving up/letting go of relationships.  I have a really hard time with rejection and tend to hang on longer than I should - I have seen in past relationships as well.  Well, doesn't seem to be the case this go round!

I think perhaps mine is seriously the grace of God - I prayed a lot over the course of my marriage regarding the doom that hung over it like a neon sign.  I did everything I could to honor my husband and keep the marriage together.  I prayed God would take the desires off my heart toward him if there was no way to save this marriage as I had been faithful in trying to salvage it and there was nothing else I could do.  And God has been faithful to me in that sense.

It's like (as they call it on this board) - coming out of the fog.  It's like something has switched in my mind and heart from the way I saw my H during the marriage.  I now see him for who he REALLY is, and I have lost respect and desire for him.  I truly believe in my heart HE is the reason we can't have a healthy relationship and not me.  I truly believe in my heart I deserve better than what he was willing/capable of offering.  I do not believe ANY of his accusations he tried to spew and project on to me.  I think these are the things that are most freeing.

It's almost like supernaturally I am in a different place emotionally.  There is a sadness that he can't be the man he was supposed to be.  But nowhere near depression/heartbreak.  I am RELIEVED that I am out of that abuse and torment and chaos.  Before I would have been in pieces and unable to function.  I'm learning what the Word really means when it says in Isaiah 53:4 "Surely he (Jesus) hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows... . "

It's sad - BUT not the end of the world.  I'm not even that lonely anymore as I FEEL the presence of God and am SO excited about the future He holds for me.  I feel like He has kept me in a bubble sort of and is actually carrying me right through this storm.  It's truly AMAZING - and I am so GRATEFUL for that help.  I know I have a lot of work to do on myself - but I feel like everything is going to be just fine.  BETTER than fine, GREAT!

And even if I do hit some harder grieving along the way - it's still going to be ok!  I pray everyone passes through their grief and doesn't get stuck in it.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!