Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 06:27:20 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
222
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: He doesn't get why we are no longer together  (Read 456 times)
Onmyown

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: seperated one month
Posts: 38



« on: August 10, 2013, 01:12:03 PM »

First he shows up unannounced to bring me presents.

Now it's just let's go have dinner as firends.  We've only been apart for a month now.

This causes me so many emotions... .

Hurt because I can see he's being the lucid man I fell in love with.

Anger because I know that "just friends" to him means "we can try, we almost had it this last time."  He doesn't get the fact about why we are no longer together, as if what he did "out of the blue" never happened.

Lonely because I can remember all these wonderful happy times that he ripped away.

So his asking to go have dinner again puts me in the spot of having to saying no again, which makes me more angry.  

He has told me he's never going to give up on us, (this is the only thing he has followed through on.)

Does this happen to anyone else, what do you do?
Logged
Emelie Emelie
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 665


« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2013, 02:50:02 PM »

Embarrassed to say I wish that happened to me.  I think it helps when you're in control of the situation.  Hope on some level it makes it easier for you to stay away.
Logged
SweetCharlotte
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Recently estranged. Married 8.5 years, together 9 years. Long-distance or commuter relationship.
Posts: 493



WWW
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2013, 03:25:27 PM »

Have you thought of joining a support group for women who are survivors of abusive relationships? Every area has some of these; you could phone a domestic abuse shelter to get a list.

My friend whose ex-husband mistreated her joined one and it was of great assistance to her.

After a couple of years of attending the support group, she started to attend groups that were focused on healthy activities, like dining-out clubs and book clubs.

In the first stages of getting over the pwBPD, however, I don't think that the "healthy activity" groups speak directly enough to what you are going through.
Logged
Onmyown

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: seperated one month
Posts: 38



« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2013, 08:54:55 PM »

Have you thought of joining a support group for women who are survivors of abusive relationships? Every area has some of these; you could phone a domestic abuse shelter to get a list.

My friend whose ex-husband mistreated her joined one and it was of great assistance to her.

After a couple of years of attending the support group, she started to attend groups that were focused on healthy activities, like dining-out clubs and book clubs.

In the first stages of getting over the pwBPD, however, I don't think that the "healthy activity" groups speak directly enough to what you are going through.

Sweet Charlotte

The only group I have joined is this one and thus far have found it to be helpful.  I have joined a walking/running group and that's really nice to have something healthy to look forward too.

I'm hoping to keep getting more information from others on how they handle/handled things.

It's really nice to be able to communicate with others who are in a similar situation... .

Thanks for you response.
Logged
momtara
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2636


« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2013, 09:24:59 PM »

Yes.  It's hard to detatch.  Heck, that's why this group exists!

You could always send him a carefully worded email saying you care about him but x and y behavior just can't be tolerated anymore.  If you go to the website verbalabuse.com, it suggests you make it clear why you are leaving, in such a way that they understand their role in it, so they won't want to get revenge on you. 

Just don't list a bunch of things he should change, because you may still not want him back if he makes the supposed changes.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!