The hater phase - anyone?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I had a relationship with an exBPDgf about a year ago. It followed the classic pattern: the vulnerable, the clinger - and the hater. During the clinger phase there were several breakups and makeups. She pushed me away, we broke up for a while, she gave me thr silence treatment, and then she was sweet charming and pulled me back. This went on for a while and the push-pull made me feel horrible. Finally I decided to break up with her for real. But I tried to do be as kind and understanding ad I could because I still had strong feelings for her. First she tried to pull me back as always but when she realized that this was for real she sent me a message:

"I hate you more than everything. You are the worst person I have ever met. I hope to never ever see you again."

That hathred was like a chock to me.

Has anyone any similar experiences? Did you encounter the hater phase during an ongoing relationship?

[Need2Know]

I had a relationship with an exBPDgf about a year ago. It followed the classic pattern: the vulnerable, the clinger - and the hater. During the clinger phase there were several breakups and makeups. She pushed me away, we broke up for a while, she gave me thr silence treatment, and then she was sweet charming and pulled me back. This went on for a while and the push-pull made me feel horrible. Finally I decided to break up with her for real. But I tried to do be as kind and understanding ad I could because I still had strong feelings for her. First she tried to pull me back as always but when she realized that this was for real she sent me a message:

"I hate you more than everything. You are the worst person I have ever met. I hope to never ever see you again."

That hathred was like a chock to me.

Has anyone any similar experiences? Did you encounter the hater phase during an ongoing relationship?

[DragoN]

Has anyone any similar experiences? Did you encounter the hater phase during an ongoing relationship?

Frequently, it's also devaluation. Then, when you are leaving, the PULL = recycle.

Round and round you go.  

[mango_flower]

Oh yes.

Indeed.

The hater phase only came out once she'd met her new gf and had the option now.

I was told how she could never forgive me for what I did (?) and that the cruel words I spoke to her still rang in her ears (I don't t hink I was ever cruel, once!) and other such nastiness... .blah blah blah... .

It's awful, somebody you truly felt was your soulmate and would always be on your side, turning against you... .

It does get easier though, I promise x

[Need2Know]

I got a glimpse of the hater phase during our ongoing relationship.

Once she tried to break up with me. She messaged me: "I need to break up with you now." I got so terribly sad at the time.

A few minutes later she sent me another message: "You have broken my heart!" So she blamed me for making her breaking up with me! Then I got almost physically ill of the terrible sensations I felt.

Then she punished me with a week of silence.

A few weeks later I broke up with her.

[Jbt857]

Yes, I'm hated now.

After I brought him to my country, paid for his education, married him, spent nearly 10 years from him, had him go crazy and smash my stuff up, nearly kill my cat, bail him out on more than one occasion, tolerate his drug abuse (I'm a very straight, middle class professional career woman). Right through till after we'd broken up, kept talking, I kept financially helping him, he came and spent the night for his birthday in August (we didn't sleep together, it was me trying to be nice, coupled with him reeling me in).

To have him come round a few weeks later to talk about us. I thought we were going to reconcile. Instead I got a diatribe about how awful I was, how I'd ruined his life, left him with nothing, and he was with someone new who 'really cared about him'. How he didn't find me attractive, I was a terrible human being and he really didn't care if I lived or died. (Yes, he actually said that to his wife).

They sure have a way with words, don't they?

[Ironmanrises]

I experienced the hater phase in both rounds of relationship.

In round 1... .

It was over phone... .

She RAGED at me.

Unleashed such anger at me... .

That was my first brutal welcoming... .

Into the world of BPD.

The words she said... .

And the way she said them... .

At me... .

God awful.

In round 2... .

After letting her back in... .

I knew the hater phase was coming... .

So i braced myself.

I saw the missiles she fired at me... .

My CIWS(Close in Weapons System) last ditch guns shot them down... .

At first.

She started firing them more rapidly... .

My CIWS shot them down too... .

Then they appeared from multiple angles... .

All my CIWS guns activated... .

Shot all of them down... .

She kept firing... .

My CIWS guns were not designed for constant firing... .

How many insults can i deflect... .?

I couldnt keep shooting these missiles down... .

The missiles came in at faster velocities... .

That put down was below the belt... .That really stings... .

One explodes close to me... .

My CIWS guns start running low on ammo... .

She kept firing... .

Waves of missiles... .

One makes it through... .

My CIWS runs out of ammo... .

Multiple strikes... .

All aimed at my weak spots.

And she kept firing.

The missiles were insults... .

Putdowns... .

Filled with explosive viciousness.

Made her rage from round 1... .

Appear mild by comparison.

The hater phase... .

Hell on earth.

[Emelie Emelie]

Oh yes.  The hater phase would come and go.  Both during and after the rs.

[fromheeltoheal]

Oh yes, and it really gave me a glimpse into the black/white polarity that exists full time between her ears.  She will never, ever be able to form a deep emotional bond with anyone or find true intimacy, sucks to be her, and IJDGAF.  Yet the question remains: why did I get in so deep?  Still digging, work to be done... .