Borderline friendship?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

So in addition to my ex, I have another friend who may be BPD. Is that possible, to be borderline with friends, not lovers?

The dynamic is very different. In this case I think the friend has feelings for me but I have NONE for him. But the main thing is how he keeps cutting me off only to reappear, accuses me of all this crap when our relationship is entirely online and I just talk to him. He did that about six weeks ago. Then I got a drunken message online two weeks ago (when I responded, he didn't), and then a text this morning from an unknown number (the classic "Hey how are you?" which had me thinking (hoping?) it might be the ex until I realized it was this friend *sigh*

This cycle has happened four times with this friend, but I couldn't care less since I'm not in love with him. Maybe it's just the pain of unrequited love for him? Or maybe he has BPD too (he denies loving me when confronted btw)... ,

[UmbrellaBoy]

So in addition to my ex, I have another friend who may be BPD. Is that possible, to be borderline with friends, not lovers?

The dynamic is very different. In this case I think the friend has feelings for me but I have NONE for him. But the main thing is how he keeps cutting me off only to reappear, accuses me of all this crap when our relationship is entirely online and I just talk to him. He did that about six weeks ago. Then I got a drunken message online two weeks ago (when I responded, he didn't), and then a text this morning from an unknown number (the classic "Hey how are you?" which had me thinking (hoping?) it might be the ex until I realized it was this friend *sigh*

This cycle has happened four times with this friend, but I couldn't care less since I'm not in love with him. Maybe it's just the pain of unrequited love for him? Or maybe he has BPD too (he denies loving me when confronted btw)... ,

[EdR]

Idk if he really has BPD. But if he does, the answer is still complicated: it all depends on the level of friendship.

Besides the 'her' I always keep referring to, I have another (actually diagnosed) BPD female friend as well. We don't have feelings for eachother and there isn't a lot of contact. It works. It's actually working like every other more superficial friendship I have.

But I can guarantee you: if your friend starts to like/love you and/or you care a lot about your friend as well... .then it's a different story all together. All the triggers and all the standard BPD behaviour will then be there, and it will be really hard as well.

[Ironmanrises]

Umbrella... .

My exUBPDgf exhibited a alot of the behavior... .

That i experienced in the relationship... .

When i was just friends with her too.

It became pronounced as the friendship... .

Became closer.

I just had no idea at that time.

She would like me... .

Not like me... .

Show she liked me... .

Then proceed to tell me... .

"Ironmanfalls i dont like you like that... ."

Back and forth... .

Pull/push and i had not even met her... .

At that point.

So it is possible... .

At least in my case.

[EdR]

Just like I said: it really depends on the level of friendship. It's about their fear of intimacy, their triggers etc. etc...

In the case of 'her' it was and is simply: the closer we became, the more we got separated...   :'(

[Vibration]

Hello Umbrellaboy - did you meet your friend online? I wonder whether there is a higher propensity for people online to exhibit BPD traits because they can construct new self-images more easily for themselves and also project images onto the person they're interacting with. That then makes it easier to idolise that person into something they're not and of course when the reality hits home, then comes the devaluation in an attempt to push that person away and out of the other's life.

I met my ex online and looking back I can see how he struggled with his own self-image and used the internet to bolster his ego. When I met, his profile picture was of him topless (he was very athletic) but with the head cut out of the image (I assume he was conscious of his pronounced facial features, which to me were part of what made him handsome).

[Garpsish]

I dont entirely agree with this post i dont think any of you should induldge in online relationships, its a very toxic and damaging enviroment and trying to assess if someone has BPD on this basis alone seems very far fetched it is a very complex illness that has very undifined barriers and certain behaviour can relate to BPD across the board if i where you i wouldnt worry to much about but maybe just express your concern if it feels necessary the important thing is you dont hurt there feelings soften it anyway you can if you can relate in some way and drop it into casual conversation that would be ideal. But please try and look at this realisticly are you even sure these people your talking to are who they say they are have you ever spoke on the phone maybe vid chat through skype if all you have seen from this person is pictures and words alarm bells should be going off! im sorry if this comes across as judgemental im just being brutally honest here.

[Vibration]

Hi Garpsish, my relationship started off online and soon (probably too soon, looking back!) progressed into meeting in real life. As a long distance relationship, it was sustained with constant texting and talking on the phone every day we were apart. Many people, both straight and gay, form relationships online these days. For gay people in particular it's an easy way to meet someone you know is gay! Most of the people I meet on line there is no romantic involvement, just friendship.

[strikeforce]

My BPD ex who claims were are 'best friends' is showing the exact same behavior

[Learning_curve74]

BPD isn't something a pwBPD turns on and off whether they are talking with a love interest or not. Fears of abandonment can also be about close friends. Now whether you think you are close is immaterial, it's what he thinks and feels since it's his behavior.

You don't have to have BPD to express BPD traits however. Mirroring, idealizing, splitting, fear of abandonment, impulsiveness, etc are things plenty of people do or have that don't have BPD.

Are you cool with the friendship? It sounds cold, but maybe run a cost to reward analysis on it if the guy is creeping you out some.

[Lady31]

Is that possible, to be borderline with friends, not lovers?

Not with one who is your choice of heroin.  That's like selling the crap and telling yourself you not going to use.  Fooling yourself on that one.

[UmbrellaBoy]

I think you're right, learning curve. For me it may be a "take it or leave it" friendship, but if for him it is intense or important (he's expressed that it is, though he denies being in love; I have my doubts, but either way) then that's what would effect how he responds to it. And, like you said, it may not be BPD, we can all have those traits in certain limited circumstances, the question is whether it is a pervasive structural patter in their lives. I don't mind the roller coaster with this guy exactly because I care so little, I'm sorry to say. He wants to talk to me, fine, he doesn't want to talk to me, fine. It costs me nothing to "put up with" it, and when he's being nice he's good to talk to. So for now I'll just be pleasant but keep a great deal of distance.