how long did it take your ex to get "triggered"? what did he/she do?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

for me, it was quick. like one month. the mental turmoil from that day was horrible. just curious about others experiences.

[LA4610]

for me, it was quick. like one month. the mental turmoil from that day was horrible. just curious about others experiences.

[Ironmanrises]

For me in in both rounds of relationship, it took my exUBPDgf 3 months to get triggered. I was actually able to predict it accurately in round 2 based on round 1. It still creeps me out to this day. Hell on earth after the day of trigger.

[patientandclear]

About 6 weeks.  We went away for the weekend, were super close, so close it's hard to think about it now even for me, and he appears to dissociate if I ever come close to discussing it with him. Then I couldn't see him for a few days because of work & I had laryngitis so we couldn't talk on the phone as normal.  Then we saw each other, discussed how we would get time with each other, he seemed to be relieved that my kid would be in her current school for another four years, before I might think of moving.  I made a comment about how maybe I could move earlier.  He looked tense.  Then he & my daughter had a little misunderstanding, she cried, I picked her up & comforted her -- and that was it.

In retrospect though, I am certain there were triggers before that that he was adept at covering up.  I think this because in his most recent r/s, he reached out to me intensely during times when I think his most recent gf thought they were still together.  I was unaware of the r/s at the time but having becoming aware of it, his intense connecting with me was clearly a sign of some sort of dysregulation with respect to whatever was going on with them.  He has incredibly short r/s cycles, he has broken up with this new woman twice within two months, but the triggers/dysregulation I observed were in addition to those breakups.  It seems to be really frequent.

[peas]

About six weeks. We had just started dating and falling for each other and I had to relocate abruptly for a job offer across the state. The day after I moved he broke up with me via a Facebook message, although the days and weeks leading up to the move he told me to my face he was committed to making it work long distance. We stayed together the next six months, but my move and weekend visits were a huge trigger for him and there were several recycles throughout. I let him blame me the whole time for his inability to cope with my move. On top of that I blamed myself for wrecking the r/s with the move. Still do.

[Aw511]

For me, it was so fast, weeks... .I didn't respond to his texts because I was at yoga for an hour. When I got out I had multiple texts asking where I am... .A week later I told him I was going to stay home and do laundry instead of sleeping over. He thought I was lying. I just wanted to do my laundry. It was the beginning of the end... .

[phantom17]

for me, it was so subtle I didn't even realize it was happening (waif)... .within the first 2-3 weeks anytime I wore anything other than gym clothes, she'd give looks of disapproval, hint that I'd been with another girl, give me the cold shoulder, etc.

I thought it was cute at first. But it created tension fast, because it was so constant. That was the first red flag I'd ignored.

The first real outburst that I remember (there were so many) was within the first month. We were in her kitchen about to cook breakfast one saturday morning, she pulled out a skillet and put it on the stove. As she was getting the eggs & stuff out of the refridgerator, I noticed the skillet had soap spots on it; so I just (out of reflex) grabbed it, and cleaned it off.

She literally broke down crying out of no where. 

The 2nd was a few months later, a day or so after Christmas. She called in a rage, because we had mutual female facebook friends that she didn't know about. Totally out of the blue. When I got to her house it was as if nothing had even happened. 

This is the pivotal point where I believe the 3 year freak show began.

[peterparker]

My uBPDexgf is with my replacement in an LDR. I know they see each other every few weeks, and they text and skype constantly.

After a month in a r/s (3 months after she cheated on me with him), she said she was moving to the city where he is.

They seem to be doing really well, but my guess is as soon as she gets there, it's going to be trigger city. Anyone have any thoughts on if an LDR slows down triggering?

[willbegood]

For me she was literally triggered the very first time she came to my house. I don't remember the timeline but it was prob within the first week of hanging out.

I remember we were hanging out at my place and all of a sudden she got mad and left. I figured she was just having a bad day. I texted her to make sure she was ok. I should've just had sucker written all over my face. I chased her once so she kept pushing and pulling to see how many times I'd keep chasing.

[peas]

My uBPDexgf is with my replacement in an LDR. I know they see each other every few weeks, and they text and skype constantly.

After a month in a r/s (3 months after she cheated on me with him), she said she was moving to the city where he is.

They seem to be doing really well, but my guess is as soon as she gets there, it's going to be trigger city. Anyone have any thoughts on if an LDR slows down triggering?

In my case I think the LDR sped up the triggering. My ex was fine the month we met and dated locally, but then I got a job offer and abruptly moved and things just went crazy from there. Others on these boards have maintained years-long LDRs with a pwBPD. It all depends on the situation and the individuals. My guess would be that your ex will have to be totally dependent on the guy when she moves to his city and that will put her out of her comfort zone and create a lot of stress. My ex talked about moving to my city to be with me but he got cold feet. The idea upset him because he didn't want to leave his community, and I understand that.

LDRs are stressful on even healthy r/s's. My uBPDex really couldn't get a grip on our LDR. Maybe if he had moved to be with me things would be different, but when he visited me in my city he was so uncomfortable and irritable.

[rodman8]

Everything was great with my undiagnosed BPD until she had a job interview here in my city.  She spoke of wanting this badly, but after the interview (plus we had a relatively "off" night together) she began the detaching within a week.  She cancelled a trip I had set up to come and see her in Iowa, and it was never the same since then.  We continued to speak, but I think she got caught up in the fantasy of living in Chicago with me, but  reality told her she would be leaving her life behind, plus she hated the traffic,  and just never thought things through.  This was about 3 months into it.  After this happened, I later put two and two together and realized she was no doubt rebounding to the guy she was with prior to me until that fizzed out.  She finally allowed me to come see her in Iowa, but we had a tift at the end of the date, I actually shed tears in front of her, and that was the last I have seen of her.  We continued to talk on the phone, but I lost contact with her on October 1st.  I can see a scenario where we can be friends, but it will never be the same as it was.  I do miss her much.  I just noticed that when I started to chase her, she played more and more games to the point that it was hard to imagine her ever having such an intense attraction to me.  Oh, why do they have to be like this!  If only she was even 50% less emotionally unstable than she is, she could be a truly great person.  She does have good qualities, but I think she will always be enabled her whole life.

[Oliolioxenfree]

Mine was triggered within the first 3 months.  Like clockwork every 3-4 months he'd do something s****y, and id dump him.  I broke things off 6 times in 2 years... .usually every time he'd act out and do something awful after i triggered him.

The final trigger was 2 years later. when he finally secured my replacement.

[damage control]

My uBPDexgf is with my replacement in an LDR. I know they see each other every few weeks, and they text and skype constantly.

After a month in a r/s (3 months after she cheated on me with him), she said she was moving to the city where he is.

They seem to be doing really well, but my guess is as soon as she gets there, it's going to be trigger city. Anyone have any thoughts on if an LDR slows down triggering?

I was in a LDR for 12 months. Spent a month in his city in June and some other, shorter times as well. We talked every single day via text, phone and skyped for hours every night.

I came for a visit that included a job interview, when I got the job, and he realised I was staying in this (his) city ... he triggered... it only took 9 days and when he was still upset/angry with me (I got drunk the night he dumped me because he went on a date with a woman he met online the week before) ... he told me point blank that me being here was 'too much' to deal with, I had become too real.