I don't understand what's going on with me

[JohnThorn]

Hey guys,

I've been away from my uBPD ex for about 18 days now (minus one attempt at contact from her this past wednesday).  In this time, my spirit has risen and I've done a lot to keep busy.  I even have begun to casually date just to see whats out there.  On the surface, life is very good for me right now. 

I woke up this morning, not sad, but curious and I have been contemplating for a few minutes, just taking a peek at her Facebook.  Although I am fully aware its a bad idea for my healing.  I am unsure why I am so curious.  I wanted to post her for support before looking at her facebook.  She already pops into my fantasies all the time, and I feel like I can't really help that.  Any advice?

[trappedinlove]

Hey guys,

I've been away from my uBPD ex for about 18 days now (minus one attempt at contact from her this past wednesday).  In this time, my spirit has risen and I've done a lot to keep busy.  I even have begun to casually date just to see whats out there.  On the surface, life is very good for me right now. 

I woke up this morning, not sad, but curious and I have been contemplating for a few minutes, just taking a peek at her Facebook.  Although I am fully aware its a bad idea for my healing.  I am unsure why I am so curious.  I wanted to post her for support before looking at her facebook.  She already pops into my fantasies all the time, and I feel like I can't really help that.  Any advice?

JT, take your time.  Expect a long process with many ups and downs which will eventually decay.

In the meanwhile there will be times where her virtual presence will fill your mind and occasions where you'll notice you haven't thought about her for some time (and hour, a day, a week... . )

[brokenbutalive]

Mate I haven't set eyes on mine for nearly 14 months, yet there's barely a 30 minute spell in any day when I don't think about her. I'm probably fortunate that she's not on Facebook anymore. Still doesn't make it easier. Hang in there.

[Fool for Love]

Hey guys,

I've been away from my uBPD ex for about 18 days now (minus one attempt at contact from her this past wednesday).  In this time, my spirit has risen and I've done a lot to keep busy.  I even have begun to casually date just to see whats out there.  On the surface, life is very good for me right now. 

I woke up this morning, not sad, but curious and I have been contemplating for a few minutes, just taking a peek at her Facebook.  Although I am fully aware its a bad idea for my healing.  I am unsure why I am so curious.  I wanted to post her for support before looking at her facebook.  She already pops into my fantasies all the time, and I feel like I can't really help that.  Any advice?

John , let me tell you this ... . I am almost 2 months NC ... . About 2 weeks after the break up , I went digging ... . FB, twitter and so on ... . All I seen on her social media was things that took me 2 weeks to compose myself ... . I beg of everybody on here ... when that feeling comes to you to "stalk" , cause that is basically what you are doing , just read some of the stories on this board ... . what ever you will find on her social media will HURT YOU ... . ten times over . So please don't ... I still have the draw to do it myself sometimes , but all that will do is set you back big time my friend ... . they always portray happiness on social media ... .

[JohnThorn]

Thanks guys.  I have avoided her facebook at least today.  I wish I could get her out of my head though.  I feel like its not NC if shes in my head

[heartandwhole]

Thanks guys.  I have avoided her facebook at least today.  I wish I could get her out of my head though.  I feel like its not NC if shes in my head

Hi John,

This is hard, and it's only been 18 days, so be gentle and patient with yourself.  NC is about you – taking a time-out to rebalance, grieve, and begin the healing process.  The healing we are looking for doesn't come from NC.  The work of detachment leads to freedom, and it's a process.   

She'll be in your head for a while, and the urges to "spy" are very normal and will come and go.  It's all part of it.  Keep inquiring into your feelings and reactions.  Have you read the Lessons ? (I like to re-read them from time to time, and always find more great things for my  healing toolbox).   We're here for you. 

[MidKnightsun]

I understand what you are going through. BUT DON"T DO IT. I am six weeks out NC after an 8 year relationship with my UexBPD/NPD and it is killing me. I think about him constantly. I really set myself back two weeks ago by looking at his FB page. He has 9 friends (all family, which includes his (still co-dependent) first ex-wife). I couldn't miss the fact that he now has 10 Friends, the 10th being the woman he recently took out, at the expense of ending our relationship. So, my imagination goes crazy over what is going on with them. Truthfully, I know she had nothing to do with our break-up. He just needed an escape route from all his failures to commit in our relationship.  He can't be alone.  So, he needed someone to jump to.

[going places]

Until my house sells, I am stuck with soon to be ex dh of 24 years.

"He can't move out and afford to pay bills here and on his own place".

Fine.

Divorce will be final June 15.

House will go on the market this week.

Every day I have to see him.

About a year ago, I blocked him from my facebook.

I have NO desire to look at his. I simply don't care.

Once this house sells, I will drop his cell off my plan, and never ask for his new number.

If he calls me?

I will block him.

And as fast as I can... . I will move from the midwest, to either the Gulf (Florida) or the Atlantic coast.

I will get as far away from him as I can.

As fast as I can.

He is satan incarnate.

Whenever I have a 'weak moment' and want to understand why this is happening

(which -A- there is nothing to understand, he is what he is and he will never change. Turn the page (or) -B- I think maybe this time it will sink in, NOT it never will. It's been 24 years... . It's never going to sink in) THE ONLY thing I accomplish is making myself MISERABLE and waste a day to a headache, heartache or back ache.

I am sick up to my brain with the ache.

Once I am away from him, I will never, ever, look back.

My goal now is to get into a counseling program to unravel the damage done in my childhood (which is why I picked that clown in the first place) and learn how to BE healthy, and associate with healthy people.

I am not longer ":)own with the Sickness".

I am ready to slice those festering wounds wide open, let them drain and heal, and be stitched together so I can heal, and get on with life. Healthy!