clean breakaway

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

hi, my first time over from the new members board, I've just had my second session with a counsellor things went ok I guess, we talked about the guilt my ex used on me, we also talked about things I can do to keep me feeling ok and how to look to the future, focus, but we also talked about my new relationship,  I had a sad day with my girlfriend, she is finding this so hard dealing with the mistakes I have done in relation to my ex, and there's nothing I can do to help her & how she is feeling, I'm not getting back with my ex nor do I ever want to see or speak to her, and as soon as I can, I want to get the divorce in progress,( this is about helping me), but I also do not want to lose my girlfriend, I love her like I have never loved before, but I want her to be happy and at the moment she is devastated, and is not sure to stay with me or leave, she doesn't think she would ever be able to trust me I am so sorry for her being caught in this, I never want to see her hurting and I know she love me so much, I know I must think about helping myself, but I don't want to see a future without her in it

[stepbystep]

hi, my first time over from the new members board, I've just had my second session with a counsellor things went ok I guess, we talked about the guilt my ex used on me, we also talked about things I can do to keep me feeling ok and how to look to the future, focus, but we also talked about my new relationship,  I had a sad day with my girlfriend, she is finding this so hard dealing with the mistakes I have done in relation to my ex, and there's nothing I can do to help her & how she is feeling, I'm not getting back with my ex nor do I ever want to see or speak to her, and as soon as I can, I want to get the divorce in progress,( this is about helping me), but I also do not want to lose my girlfriend, I love her like I have never loved before, but I want her to be happy and at the moment she is devastated, and is not sure to stay with me or leave, she doesn't think she would ever be able to trust me I am so sorry for her being caught in this, I never want to see her hurting and I know she love me so much, I know I must think about helping myself, but I don't want to see a future without her in it

[heartandwhole]

Hi stepbystep,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble with your girlfriend.  Your feelings of not wanting to lose her are very understandable, you've both been through a lot. 

It sounds like you've been very honest with your girlfriend, and I think that is always a good thing, although it is sometimes painful for both parties.  Maybe it's time to focus on being the healthiest stepbystep you can be, and hopefully your girlfriend will be able to take that journey with you.  We can't know the best path for another person, but I hope you two can work it out.

Keep posting.  We're here for you as you go through this difficult time. 

[stepbystep]

hi everybody and thank you heartandsoul for your encouraging words, it's been over a week since I have posted on here, things have been up and down, my girlfriend and I have been talking things over, as to where things between us are heading we are not sure yet, I still truly believe there is a great and beautiful future for us, I am working hard to show her that I am taking control of my choices and setting bounderies, no more dishonesty and everything I tell her is the truth, if I make a promise she can believe me                                                                                                                                                                as for my ex, while she has not tried to contact me, I believe she is mentally abusing my youngest who is aged 16, she want to take a break from where she works and look for other work in a few weeks, I have told her I think that's fine, if she is not happy there don't work there, and she will also be starting her higher school years in 2014, but her mother won't allow her to quit and has today and in the last few days verbally yelled and screamed at her, and told her if she quits she can not live there, I have set up two friends houses she can go to to stay if she needs to be away from her and looking at her to come stay with me, this did upset me,I want my daughters safety and happiness, but I have kept a clear head, have not contacted my ex ( which I believe is what she wants) and I also have a counselling session tomorrow night, if anyone has any helpful advice or just encouragement, this would be appreciated thank you                                     staying strong and moving forward, I love my daughters and my girlfriend,

[GreenMango]

Hi stepbystep

Hope things are going better.  Those boundaries are going to be really helpful and the support you have with your girlfriend.

Many of the members with kids find navigating the coparenting difficult.  You aren't alone there.  If you need it there is a coparenting board you can post on too.

Happy holidays