i was vulnerable

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

When i first started dating my ex BPD partner i wasnt truly done my grieving from the bf before him

It was not long term relationship but it ended tragically .he died of cancer.

I should have not been dating.

We agreed to take it slow in consideration.

In fact he was all about the slow but really he loved bombed me immediately !

I should have known better but i was messed up

At one point in the relationship with ex BPD man he accused me of probably making my previous mans life hell bfore he died... .

What was so difficult about my ex who died is that he knew he had cancer but didnt tell me... . he said he had stomach problems.

My ex BPD partner said that i must have been pretty self absorbed not to see this guy was so sick

That hurt me to the core...

My mom saw my sick ex and she is a nurse and thought he was just looking a littlecscruffy... we were only together for about 6 months so i didnt have a well man to reference from. 

Anyway ... . that accusation sometimes still comes up for me and gives me tremendous pain

He did apologize for making those cruel remarks but it didnt take the hurt away

[corraline]

When i first started dating my ex BPD partner i wasnt truly done my grieving from the bf before him

It was not long term relationship but it ended tragically .he died of cancer.

I should have not been dating.

We agreed to take it slow in consideration.

In fact he was all about the slow but really he loved bombed me immediately !

I should have known better but i was messed up

At one point in the relationship with ex BPD man he accused me of probably making my previous mans life hell bfore he died... .

What was so difficult about my ex who died is that he knew he had cancer but didnt tell me... . he said he had stomach problems.

My ex BPD partner said that i must have been pretty self absorbed not to see this guy was so sick

That hurt me to the core...

My mom saw my sick ex and she is a nurse and thought he was just looking a littlecscruffy... we were only together for about 6 months so i didnt have a well man to reference from. 

Anyway ... . that accusation sometimes still comes up for me and gives me tremendous pain

He did apologize for making those cruel remarks but it didnt take the hurt away

[Want2know]

Some of us have found ourselves in these types of relationships because we were in such a vulnerable state.  I totally understand that - very sad about your ex.

First... . do you feel like you were able to grieve his death?  I'm sure that was really hard.

What your pwBPD said was said out of his own insecurity.  Something that can be very hard to see at first as there are many other feelings that might be associated with a statement like that. 

I know the detachment process is hard... . how far apart are you?  Does he live close to you, are you still in contact with him?

Big hugs to you! 

[corraline]

Im just over one month no contact

He kept trying contact until two weeks ago which is unusual for him so mayb hes finally gone

It feels sad for me cause i do miss the other side of him which i thought was warm sweet funny bright and very lovable

Just couldnt tolerate the flip side any more

So im grieving but its a process and i try to ride the waves of up and down... . still alot more down than up

He lives about 2.5 hrs out of town which is a good thing but his girls live in towns either side of me and he had a couple of buddies here

[corraline]

Big hugs to you too